Correction:

While he was going, he said twice to me : "I am going now".
I said: "Ok, I'll be going in a while myself."
He always go before I go.
We finish playing at the same time but I have to change my clothes and get myself ready to get out while he lives near and come by car, so he doesn't bother to freshen himself before going.
He is always in a hurry to go.

Hi Dreamyhope

I think it is impossible to say whether there is anything there. My advice is just approach him as a friend and get to know him better. Does he go to the pub at all? Or is there somewhere you could have lunch together, not a "date" place but somewhere relaxed as friends, even the sports centre cafe? You could invite a few others in a small group if you are shy of being alone with him. Does he often arrive early or stay afterwards? Try and do the same.

Does this man have interests, what is he passionate about? That is one way to start coversations. Find out if you share any interests with him. For example, do you follow badminton professionally? Talk about famous badminton players or find out if he likes other sports too. What is he studying? Get to know him better before deciding whether you love him. Ask him for advice on what books to read or films to see, maybe he could lend you a book/DVD/CD of a band he likes and you can talk about that.

As well as finding out his interests, do you have any yourself? Talk to him about your passions, what you love doing, rather than criticising his friends. However nasty they might be, saying so to him is not a great way to make him like you. They are after all his friends and he must like them. So try to talk about positive things - this will make him enjoy spending time with you.

What I am getting from your post is that you feel like you are somehow lesser than him. Don't think this, it is not true. If you do then the relationship is unlikely to get anywhere. I think you need to develop self confidence and self belief. You are just as good as this man, as good as anyone. There shouldn't be an imbalance like this in any friendship or relationship between two people IMO, the one who is seen as lesser may come to resent this, or the person who is seen as better could resent it also, as they are put on a pedestal and a lot is expected of them, it puts pressure on them. Or if they are nasty people they could take advantage and use it to bully the 'weaker' person and manipulate them. So maybe look for some counselling or a course to develop self confidence.

And also - girls or women are not helpless or weak.

As for not accepting your money, it could mean anything but IMO is unlikely to be a romantic gesture. More likely he might have an idea you have less money than him and is just being nice. But I don't think this is wise. My advice - pay the gym directly in future. You don't want to be in debt or indebted to him. Again a nasty person might use this to manipulate someone, he could use it to pressure you to do things you are not comfortable with.

This is just my advice, hope it helps somehow.

Maybe if you got to know him more so the maybe you would not wonder so much what is going on is what I would say. Though you cant really know anybody completely, if you knew more about him, or how he was thinking, where he was coming from, maybe that would help you to be more comfortable with the way it is for now, it DOES sound like he likes you, so there is something there it sure looks like.
The his making sure you have someone to play with when he plays with his friends is nice, as for telling him how you feel, maybe hold off on that for awhile, but definitely keep establishing, working on a friendship, and that maybe might help you calm the anxiety about your parents looking to get you married, they will see you are working on a relationship, you think? That way you wont have to say the feelings just yet that are hard to say

Dreamyhope, dont give up, I admire you for you going to the gym!
HUGS HUGS

Okay I know you only go to the gym for him......still it's all good.
Keep going!

HUGS

I don't know if it's because I'm a senior, but I came away with a different perspective. DreamyHope, you even said it's a "one way" relationship and it has been going for seven years. He could wait for you, but you say he always leaves first. I know, there is pressure to get married, but there are a lot of divorced people who married for that reason.

We need to love ourselves and loving ourselves means not having to scheme in any way. DreamyHope, if you decide to continue expending your energy into this guy and share your feelings with him, I really hope he says he has been waiting all these seven years for you to let him know. But from what you have shared above, you may also want to be prepared for a big letdown - seven year's worth.

Another idea, if you haven't done it yet, is to invite him out ("Hey, I'm going to ---- for a bite after gym, if you want to join me".). If there is interest there, he will say yes, or he will want to make a counter-offer for another time.

I do not follow the ministry of T.D. Jakes (or anyone else) and I am definitely NOT recommending Jakes as a spiritual guide, but I saved an excerpt of a really good message he gave. I really like this message and read it as a reminder often.

LET IT GO
By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person. It just means that their part in your story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO!!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...... LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth..... LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you....... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge..... . LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ... LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ............ LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him........ LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ...... LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves.. .... LET IT GO!!!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed ......... LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to...... LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing!!! ...... LET IT GO!!!

Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then..... LET IT GO!!!

"The Battle is not yours, it is the Lord's!!!"

P.S., I just noticed Lizzie suggested asking him out above, but I think it might be better to do so as a one-on-one date. It's been seven years, already.

Good advice Dabar, DreamyHope, I guess maybe he is thinking this is okay, that the way it is, is what you both want, maybe, you could start asking him more, telling him more.

Hi all,

Thanks.
It seems easy to read but I do not want to jeopardise my relationship with him at this stage. I am very very scared and I know I should not be. Moreover, I have a strong feeling that on his part it's rejection. I am scared because of this I might not go to the gym. I always love to go to the gym apart from only to be with him.
Yea, he comes late and goes earlier than me. He lives near and I got tuitions after our practice.
Nowadays, he is oing to his meditation classes and when I asked him about what he did over there, he simply replied that it was interesting.
Whenever, I chat with him, he is in a hurry to go just telling me "goodbye, see you later". In this case, how is it possible for me to talk o him more when he avoiding talking to me. While we play, it's only play, he does not want to waste time; he uses his time very efficiently. He is a very organised person and according to me, a perfect guy. He is kind and nice to me which attracts me naturally. He is handsome as well and very athletic, not that I am not beautiful but maybe he is just not interested the way I want it.
Right now, discussing about this and thinking about the future makes me very scared. I know I am extremely shy and I need to think a lot just before talking to him.
I really do not know how to go about it.
I cannot ask him out, I have never done so..in a way I already know the answer to be negative but I want to know what is there in his heart about me without me doing anything that can harm our actual relationship.
Wish I knew mind reading and some magic as well.
*sigh* -- very hard feeling

dreamyHope, I really do feel for you, I was extremely shy, still am, I did not know how to go about any of this when I was your age, and still wouldn't now, if I had to.
It's hard for an extremely shy person to ask another person out, even though you've been around him for 7 years.
If you get scared, stop and think of the relationship you have now with him, it's going as it has been.
See for yourself, if he is the man that really is for you, or if his feelings are the same.
Like I know anything about all this, I'm married but I have no idea how to go about it, It's like I walked into a room, bumped my head, tripped and fell and there he was.

The mind reading, and magic, maybe direct that towards yourself in loving positive ways, you are good magic, energy, and you know your mind

After your second message, I think Dabar is right - let him go. I would say change gyms entirely. Based on the information in your second post it seems he is not interested in talking with you or developing the friendship any further. This does not mean that you or he are bad people or anything like that. Just that you are not suited. Learn from this, develop your self confidence. Do more sports and other hobbies and forget about men. If you are confident and passionate and enjoy your life, you will naturally attract other people, as friends and perhaps more. But at the end of the day you don't have to have a man. There are plenty of good points to being single and no rush at all.

Do you people think that if I tell a mutual friend about this, things can be done?
I know it's risky business.
I am too scared and timid.
Please, advise,
Thanks.

Relationships are risky, and being scared, and timid are things that can make us not want to think we have any chance at a relationship. There is never a clear cut way, though, speaking from your heart and taking the chance that person will respond is always a risk, that if not taken, you will never know what could have happened. I think that even if it seems hopeless. maybe it's time to trust yourself in that you are sure of your feelings, and you owe it to yourself to try, if you give up you may wonder what if, if you try and it does not work, you will know that you gave it all you could.

I would maybe write him a note, with all your feelings or as much as you can, and it may feel unsettling, but to give him the note would be less pressure on you to face him and tell him and then he could read it and think about it, and if it does not go as you thought, you will know that you did try.

I struggle with confidence, with telling my side, my feelings to another, I was alone for over 20 years because I could not feel I deserved or could maintain a relationship. If I met someone I liked I'd just give it up, fearful of expressing my feelings, and feeling unworthy. Now I'm thinking, why did I lower my value?

This is your life!


You are deserving of a chance at this, your fear is holding back what could be, and could also keep you hanging on to confusion if you keep going with this uncertainty of how he feels. If he is not into you then that is NO reflection on you, it is HIS only, it's nothing you could have done terribly wrong, he seems to genuinely like you enough to hang around with you, seems like most people are not going to hang around those who irritate them.

If after all, he just wants to stay friends at the gym, would that be possible for you to do that?
Speak your mind in any way you can

If he does not respond or leaves the gym for good, or rejects you, please know that YOU are a lovely kind lady who has much much to offer, it hurts, oh man does it, but you felt love and that is valuable, sometimes that is hard to feel or not felt, is rejected, dont give that away, keep it and it will be there for you to give, you are young, and so much to live and give, seriously keep that in mind.

I don't think involving a mutual friend in this will help. If you cannot bear to even speak with him, then how will your relationship or even friendship have any future? Either approach him yourself, or leave the gym and forget him (I favour the latter option myself but it's your life). Obsessing and worrying over him will only make you miserable.

I have found that sometimes, what appears to be the problem is not - there is some hidden aspect or something unrelated to it which is what is really making me worried and unhappy, which I am avoiding or concealing by telling myself a story about the other thing, if that makes sense. Maybe this could be happening to you, I don't know, if there is anything else traumatic or worrying that is happening in your life, maybe you are transferring or projecting this worry onto this man.

I think the best thing is to calm down, first and foremost. If it does go somewhere with him, great. if it doesn't, it isn't the end of the world. Either way, worrying like this will not help.

I think if he was interested he would be waiting around for you and not saying goodbye and leaving the gym so quickly.
He may even have someone in his life already. And keeps that side of his life separate from his gym activity and off Facebook.
Him paying for you at the gym and then not accepting your money.
It's just being kind.
I have a friend who buys me lunch at times, I give her money and she doesn't take it. It's just a kind friend thing. I wouldn't read into it.

And Getting a mutual friend to say something?
That's like high school stuff.
I'm sorry but it is. I know you are shy and it's difficult but if you are interested in this guy you got to step out of your comfort zone and settle it once and for all. Take the risk. It's the only way.
You've been admiring this guy from afar for a long time now.

I think you either bite the bullet and say something the next time you see him and be prepared for whatever reaction or you say nothing and move on and Stop going to the gym just to see him.
Otherwise It's just wasting time and not freeing yourself up for someone who is more available to you.

Just do it. You can do it. And once you do it whatever the outcome you can be so proud of yourself for finally facing your fear.
Remember This guy is just a person, that's all. He is No greater or lesser than you.