Hi dreamyHope......I've been working for thirty-some years. I am an ultra sensitive person so I have always been acutely aware of the way other people conduct themselves and how they treat me. I strongly feel that some businesses/companies have a great human resources management and upper level management that enforce ethics and proper behavior policies. I worked in two companies a long time ago where the co-workers were bossy and disrespectful. They woman always looked their best in the clothes and makeup they wore. They sort of walked around with their noses pointed up. But I work for a bigger company now and the upper management enforces good behavior. But I think the people are good to begin with that get hired into this company. So I believe the attitude and behavior of people in different companies varies a lot. I quit 2 jobs because I could not stand working with the people. But if you like the job you have then concentrate on what your responsibilities are and stay aloof from the rest. When your friend talks loud and blurts things out, I would respond minimally and in a very quiet voice. That is what I do when people talk in a loud voice. I respond quietly back and I think it gives them a hint. Not that they care though! Best wishes to you.

In my experience, I've always had an extreme heightened awareness starting a new job and can immediately read people. It's unsettling at first but always evens out as I get used to the hierarchy of things. Then it becomes clear of who I respect and who I don't. I've had several teaching jobs due to moving around with the military and it's always the same. After awhile, the newbie syndrome wears off and a sense of normalcy kicks in. People soon show their true colors and you'll naturally migrate to the ones who are kind, sensible, and respect your skills. The others will leave you alone if you're not an easy target. I always kill people with kindness and many don't know what to do with this. Their ego is big and they try to bring others to their level. I think you're going through a normal experience and the best thing to do is be yourself with confidence. Good luck!

I wrote a journal about similar situations(second to last i think), every workplace has its problems. I try to stay out of it as much as possible. It is tempting to engage in the emotional banter as HSP's but from my experience it very rarely ever works out in our favor. I try to just do my job and go home, try being the key word. It definitely is hard t not let it get to you.

"If you can't say anything nice ... be vague"

That's what I always do but the problem is that other people are not so careful. That's why there are always hurt feelings whether it's a company or a neighborhood or a family.

Ah work: Yes, I find the workplace very difficult as well because of all the office politics, etc. I am gratefully (for the most part) now in 2 professions where there is much less of that then I've had in many other jobs that I've held in the past. I agree with the others who have posted that it sounds like good advice to, if you are liking your job and finding it challenging, to stay focused as much as possible one your tasks and duties at hand and dismiss the office politics as much as possible. What I wanted to ask Zakki who posted this particular comment: "The others will leave you alone if you're not an easy target", is, I agree that some people can likely be easy targets (perhaps even myself), but what I wanted to see is, what in particular makes certain people and easy target and what can be done to make it so they are not such easy targets? Thanks, acs123

In terms of becoming less of a target, Janvier is right - just be vague and make nondescript noises, seeming to agree but not actually committing yourself to a view or expressing one. Try to let it wash over you as much as you can.

Develop emotional 'armour'. Don't let colleagues see the real you. Make small talk about the weather and what you did at the weekend, don't let the topic stray into any emotional matters. Don't take things personally. Think about why people say things and their motivations. Don't just take words at face value - people have motivations and reasons to say things, perhaps they are angling for a manager's job so are spreading negative gossip to bully them into leaving, or maybe they are just a sheep or wanting to be in the clique so they say things because they feel it is expected. Always remember these are colleagues not friends. Keep the line clearly drawn between the two.

If you are struggling don't hesitate to ask about things. Try to figure out exactly what it is you need to know and ask for more training or help.

Drift about a bit, it may be you have ended up with a mouthy clique of people. It could be there are others like you but who are also isolated. Sit with different people at breaks. Or sit with a book but look about to try and spot some people you might speak to.

Regarding your loud friend, just try not to tell her things you don't want broadcast. Turn the subject to her as much as you can.

You are being quite vague, I guess you don't want to risk identifying yourself or your workplace. That is sensible. But you mention the men 'showing curiosity'. If they are saying or doing things which are sexual or which make you uncomfortable don't be afraid so say so, politely but firmly. If it then continues, keep a log of exactly what happened and when and report them. It could be they are friendly though, it is unclear from what you say here what exactly happened.

I think easy targets are those who wear their hearts on their sleeves. The ones that can't keep from showing their vulnerabilities. How can yo be a target if no one knows what makes you vulnerable. I have learned this the hard way. I have just engaging what they say and keeping to myself. Work and go home.

I get hurt easily at work. I am trying to just work and let it go...work isn't my whole life.. For an HSP person, it is tough at times.

There sure is alot of good advice here. Having worked at various jobs in my life. Quitting one and moving on to move up. People who are at work trying to cause trouble or to divide everyone are really not worth your attention--this type of stuff make me sick. I feel like I have seen it all really and alot of co-workers are a piece of work and sorry to say 'lazy'. This type of atmosphere comes down from the administration. No matter what I did at any of my jobs most people did not like me because I was a hard worker and loved the challenge. I only spoke to them if I had to for business related issues. Just do your best and go home, don't allow them to bother you----there are always those that love all the 'work games'. I think men are much easier to work with then women----men are mostly all about business and that is what I liked. Best wishs to you.

I like all the advice here - especially about 'emotional armour'. Great tips that I will refer to often. It's so good to know I'm not alone. :)

I don't go to an office. Haven't done that for quite some time. I do remember having problems with male co-workers who were into sexual harrassment like it was some sort of sport. The temperature varied from mildly annoying to down right desturbing and disabling. I wish I had learned early on that you do not owe anyone the time of day.
I am afraid to say much here because you never know. Just beware of women who swim with their heads out of the water. All I am saying. I think you will notice the type at the office. They are excellant multitaskers and they just simply are not busy enough to mind their own business. They may be suited to running small countries and they will run you if you let them.
I recall a Customer Service Rep who was not very amicable. Imagine that. She fell into her own catagory of which I was unfamiliar. She was all smiles and politeness and literally was out for blood. She wanted me to do her job for her like the previous girl in my position. I was interested in doing my job. Imagine that, I was interested in minding my own business and doing my job. That sort of work ethic didn't fly in that office. I guess that part of the job description was in very fine print.

I agree with above-be vague-ignore-deny-plead that you are tired. I look at work this way-I am there to earn a living and that's all I want to deal with, I wish I had that dream job but for now it's just a job.
Tell people that you are all focused on that and have no opinion.

I mean, I dont know if it's your "dream" job but just tell them you dont have time to focus on anything but your work. Say that you have lots of things on your mind