Relationships are complex. Creating a successful relationship takes regular maintenance work the following steps is worth trying to have a stronger and happy relationship. Know Yourself...Do some self-exploration so you know who you are, what you value, and what will fulfill you. Let Your Partner In... Entrusting him with the most fragile part of your soul. Or putting down in writing sometimes helps. Ask For What You Want...Put your fears aside of rejection, focus on what you might be missing in him, and what you can do to be a better person. Introduce some ideas about how he can reciprocate. Learn Your Partner's Needs, and Strive to Fulfill Them...Support, Protect, Help him feel complete and happy. Ask, "What do you value in me" questions. Invest In The Friendship...Expressing interest in each others interests. Live The Love You Feel...Exploring the little things you can do to improve each others lives. Be Happy Not Right...Its not a game who did what, it doesn't matter renegotiating is key being treated with dignity and respect and not compromising the core of your values. Lead By Example...Wake up everyday and ask yourself: "What can I do to make my relationship more loving". Don't Let Sex Fall Off Your To-Do List...Be sensitive, flexible and open about what you want. Emotional demands overlap with physical satisfaction commonly. Starting right now spend a little time rediscovering what it is about your partner that first appealed to you, before problems started. Those are the things to discuss with him. Decide to settle for nothing less than living the love you feel...Good Luck:)

I'd also like to add, that counseling is of great help with your self-esteem issues. It is so helpful to get a professionals advice and so much help in supporting you. As for your relationship, a third party helps with relationships too. It is important to love yourself and take care of yourself...Hugs

I used to feel similar during the first few years of my marriage, but I learned with much trial and error that my low-self esteem was the main negative influence because I was trying to control my husband based on my own insecurities. I figured out that I was projecting my fears on him because I was scared that I wasn't good enough and that he would leave me. (We were married at 19 with a baby and I knew nothing about nothing) But once I started working on me (went back to school and got my teaching degree) things naturally got better. My self-esteem soared and I didn't need constant affirmation. Once my perception changed, our relationship blossomed. He wasn't perfect, but I definitely caused tension with my "grilling" and non-trust issues. Looking back, I'm surprised he put up with me. I learned that I couldn't control or change him no matter what I did, and Lord knows I tried. Don't give up on your relationship. They all take work, but it looks like it's worth a shot. Something is drawing you to this person and I have a feeling it's something good. Big hugs to you!

Oh, I also wanted to mention that your boyfriend coming across as not caring is probably a tactic he uses not to give attention to negativity that seems to be coming from nowhere. Don't let it fool you- he cares. He just doesn't know how to respond because it's not sensible to him and he's figured out that it's best not to add fuel to the fire. My husband was an expert at this and he told me so. He hated confrontation and wouldn't play that game with me, especially if I was angry. It was infuriating to me, but it worked. You can't argue with yourself . He was a pretty smart cookie.

naturelady ... I can't add anything that hasn't already been said ... but I didn't want to ignore you. Welcome to the group. I'll check back with you.

Naturelady,


I agree with Janvier............ Nabby and Zakki wrote it so well

I was a bit like this with my husband and still have those insecurities at times but I don't grill husband like I did and I have to trust him. He hasn't done anything for me not to trust him so I have to be secure in myself. He has several female friends on his FB and I just don't even look anymore like I did. I would ask him who's this, who's that. how do you know her? I won't lie It's still a bit bothering to me to know he has these female friends on FB and I don't have male friends but We have been together 21 yrs. and he has ALWAYS been into ME and loves me. so my insecurities is to do with me. not him and something I still need to work on. And I agree with everything Zakki said about self esteem. I was more confident when I was working and getting out and about. My confidence went down due to disability and health issues.

I wish you all the best with your relationship.

Thank you all. Your replies really are helpful. It is such a process to work through and it's not easy sometimes. This group is great.

Did he ever give you reason not to trust him? If not-its your issue really. As for Romance-you should take the initiative and write him notes send gifts. I find the more romantic my wife is-the more romantic I want to be.

I have had the same issues with my boyfriend in fact I could have written parts of your post. He is very popular and has lots of FB "friends" from his work, he goes drinking with them from time to time, interacts with them on FB, emails and texts them. He is also the rep for the trade union so he gets a lot of people, including women, calling, texting and emailing him because of that.

The problem is he has lied to me about other things in the past. When he first met me he was very low and depressed, in and out of temp work and still living with his parents. He told me he lived with a group of friends and that he was younger than his real age. As time went on it was harder and harder for him to tell me the truth but there was more and more pressure as I wanted to meet his friends and see his home. In the end I found out by doing some digging online. That was hard but I kind of understand why he might have done that, there is stigma against men in their thirties still living at home without a proper job. But it doesn't help me to trust him.

It is hard but I know he loves me. But like Zakki I also have low self esteem and am scared he will leave.

I find the best thing to do is try and keep busy. If he is out, I will go somewhere too or find something to do so I am not sitting brooding and awaiting his next text. I make sure I have films queued up on our Sky planner, projects to work on.

As for the magic - can you plan things to do together? Like 'dates' almost, nice evenings and days out together. But when you have been with someone a while, especially if you live together, things do become routine. It isn't a bad thing, in fact it is comforting. You don't have the excitement or the spark but you do have someone who knows you well and loves you.

I don't want to seem negative, but I have been a marriage and family counselor and am 68-yo: so I have seen much in my lifetime. Ii have been married to my second husband 32 years. I am jealous of his relationships with his sisters and daughters. I know there is no reason to mistrust him at all ever. He has put up with my moods and I know he loves me. I am what I am and have to accept that fact. You sound like you are young and need a man who is sensitive to you needs. I would not settle for a relationship that causes you so much stress and look for someone who can meet your needs. We learn and grow in our relationships. Your doubts are there for some good reason and respect that.