Highly Sensitive People HSP Community Group
The highly sensitive person (or HSP) is someone who cares deeply about everything ... feels emotions with great intensity ... is highly conscientious ... has a rich and complex inner life ... is very intuitive ... is often creative in a variety of ways... is easily overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. A HSP needs lots of quiet time,space, and freedom. If this sounds...
I am a bit stuck in the middle and/or am a part of a situation between my mother and my brother. I'm not quite sure what to do, or if I should just stand back and thought maybe some here would be able to give insight.
My mother is VERY Christian. Even as a muslim, I've accepted this. She tells me I need to accept Jesus as my savior and I tell her that I know that's how she feels and move on.
My brother is flagrantly, flaming gay. I love him dearly and until recent years, we were very close.
My brother recently wrote my mother a very long letter. He described how hurt he felt that my mother could not verbally describe his spouse as her son-in-law. He also mentioned that although he wasn't jealous of me, I took advantage of our parents' help, always had a place to "land" etc. For my part in the situation, I am comfortable in dealing with my brother...just between the two of us. However, he told my parents that as long as they could not call his spouse his spouse, he would be separate from our family.
Today, my mom called him to let him know her sister was in the hospital (they haven't talked since the letter) and also to tell him that I would have a Christmas dinner here at my home and he was invited. He said he thought they would just go out of town.
I'm so torn over this. I love my mother and my brother. I see that my parents have accepted my brother and his partner over the last 14 years. I know it's not easy for my brother or his spouse when my parents introduce him as my brothers "friend" or as my mom's "hairdresser" (which he was). I also can see that my mother is being true to herself and her religion by not feeling comfortable in calling him my brother's spouse or her son-in-law.
Oh my...to me, all this seems sooo petty, but..it's happening and I'm not sure if I should involve myself more or leave it be, or what......
It seems strange to me because....as a muslim, I can call my brother's partner Uncle to my kids or my brother's spouse....I can also have Christmas dinner at my house!!! Even though, as a muslim, it may be considered wrong by many...I personally feel that if God is all knowing and merciful, he knows my intent. He knows my "Christmas" dinner is out of respect for my family and not my acceptance of Jesus as my savior.
Under the circumstances, it is really hard for me to understand my brother's point of view. I do my best to respect my mom's position and religion. I do not think it right to DEMAND that she comply or I can longer participate in the family! So, I have a hard time accepting my brother feeling this way.
Obviously, as an HSP, it is killing me to see my elderly parents and my brother who is in poor health not communicating! Time is so short for us all. I have been going back and forth whether I should try to bridge the gap, try to bring understanding, just leave it be. I certainly don't want to bring more pain or make things worse!
I just don't know. Should my mom go against her religious beliefs and say son-in-law? Should my brother accept my mom's beliefs and let it go? *^&$#, it's all so confusing and to me it all seems so simple...but I don't want to judge because maybe it really is so harmful to my brother that he can't deal with it, and I know nearing 80 my mom won't suddenly feel okay with it....
I think I mentioned before, I need my own reality show...the Christian, the Muslim and the Gay Brother!
I'm sorry that I'm babbling and confused, but even with my religious beliefs, I love my family, do my best not to judge others and to find acceptance and harmony with all that's around me. I'm just not sure whether to try to mediate, stand back or what????
My mother is VERY Christian. Even as a muslim, I've accepted this. She tells me I need to accept Jesus as my savior and I tell her that I know that's how she feels and move on.
My brother is flagrantly, flaming gay. I love him dearly and until recent years, we were very close.
My brother recently wrote my mother a very long letter. He described how hurt he felt that my mother could not verbally describe his spouse as her son-in-law. He also mentioned that although he wasn't jealous of me, I took advantage of our parents' help, always had a place to "land" etc. For my part in the situation, I am comfortable in dealing with my brother...just between the two of us. However, he told my parents that as long as they could not call his spouse his spouse, he would be separate from our family.
Today, my mom called him to let him know her sister was in the hospital (they haven't talked since the letter) and also to tell him that I would have a Christmas dinner here at my home and he was invited. He said he thought they would just go out of town.
I'm so torn over this. I love my mother and my brother. I see that my parents have accepted my brother and his partner over the last 14 years. I know it's not easy for my brother or his spouse when my parents introduce him as my brothers "friend" or as my mom's "hairdresser" (which he was). I also can see that my mother is being true to herself and her religion by not feeling comfortable in calling him my brother's spouse or her son-in-law.
Oh my...to me, all this seems sooo petty, but..it's happening and I'm not sure if I should involve myself more or leave it be, or what......
It seems strange to me because....as a muslim, I can call my brother's partner Uncle to my kids or my brother's spouse....I can also have Christmas dinner at my house!!! Even though, as a muslim, it may be considered wrong by many...I personally feel that if God is all knowing and merciful, he knows my intent. He knows my "Christmas" dinner is out of respect for my family and not my acceptance of Jesus as my savior.
Under the circumstances, it is really hard for me to understand my brother's point of view. I do my best to respect my mom's position and religion. I do not think it right to DEMAND that she comply or I can longer participate in the family! So, I have a hard time accepting my brother feeling this way.
Obviously, as an HSP, it is killing me to see my elderly parents and my brother who is in poor health not communicating! Time is so short for us all. I have been going back and forth whether I should try to bridge the gap, try to bring understanding, just leave it be. I certainly don't want to bring more pain or make things worse!
I just don't know. Should my mom go against her religious beliefs and say son-in-law? Should my brother accept my mom's beliefs and let it go? *^&$#, it's all so confusing and to me it all seems so simple...but I don't want to judge because maybe it really is so harmful to my brother that he can't deal with it, and I know nearing 80 my mom won't suddenly feel okay with it....
I think I mentioned before, I need my own reality show...the Christian, the Muslim and the Gay Brother!
I'm sorry that I'm babbling and confused, but even with my religious beliefs, I love my family, do my best not to judge others and to find acceptance and harmony with all that's around me. I'm just not sure whether to try to mediate, stand back or what????
Like you said it is so very simple for you and me and the rest of us here to say here's the solution to peace and harmony but other people never seem to see it as so cut and dry.
You just love your brother and spouse when you see them, you love your mother when you see her. I wouldn't push the peace making as much as you want to see your family united. I think perhaps now and again you could say something like life is too short for this petty crap and let your voice be heard and know how you feel about the division within the family. And try and accept and respect everyone's decision dispite how ridiculous you think it all is.
... to me it all sounds plain stupid but there you have it, that is why we are all here as friends in this group.
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.
Does this help at all?