I've been really depressed for the last week and a half. I've just been crying and crying which is really unlike me. I don't know what to do and everyone is really worried because I won't talk to them about it because I know they won't understand because they don't have this disease. No one knew there was even something wrong with me until I had to have surgery. I've had this for 9 years and I've been really good at keeping my head up but I can't do it anymore.

I feel ugly. I feel like I'm worthless. I don't know what I did to deserve this. I feel like a monster. I'm tried of sabotaging relationships because of this disease. I guess for so long I've been ignoring the way this disease makes me feel and its finally catching up to me. I wake up in the morning and I immediately start crying. I go to bed at night and I'm still crying. My eyes are forever puffy and bloodshot. I go to work and I'm like a zombie. Everyone has been staying away from me because I cry at the drop of a hat.

I'm usually the level headed one who's always trying to help everyone and now I've turned into a cry monster. I don't know how to help myself and while my friends/family want to help me I know they won't get it so I'm stuck inside my head and it sucks in here right now.