My first discussion. I have two adult children who are heroin addicts. Actually, I believe my dau. is addicted to adderall and other amphetamines now as she has a prescription and is on probation. My son lived with me many times and could never stay clean. Our (his step dad and I) boundry was that he couldn't use while living here. He actually scared me a couple of times with his behavior as I think he got bad stuff. I could tell he was using and tried to cover it from my husband as I didn't want him on the street. He was a compulsive gambler before that and really tried hard to quit that. When he finally banned himself in 2 states, he had a good job, insurance and took care of a cyst. He got addicted to pain pills and liked them and forgetting about gambling. He bought off the street until it got too expensive and was introduced to heroin and the rest is history. He introduced my dau. to it and they have both declined to the point that they barely have contact with their children and take the drug over them. They lost everything including good jobs. I put him out of a house we rented (they never paid it) not realizing she was that bad at the time and she had her children in the home. I was devastated that he was on the street. He declined to the point of going to jail, getting beaten there and is currently staying with his dad but...is still using. When he can't use he is almost unbearable and says such ugly things. He talks about "fake jail" all the time and blames us for putting him there. He is very bitter and I thought it was to get a rise from us but my sister thinks he truly is angry and believes we put him there and is concerned for us. My dau lost her kids and another rental after I finally put her out and was staying in her car until coming here a few months ago to bathe. She stayed and I thought she was doing OK but...she isn't. Again, I cover as I don't want her on the street. She had a part time job at the grocery but has been running the street for over a week and lost her job. Same as him....MONEY is their trigger. I know however that she was getting her adderall and klonipin and paying cash for the Dr. She admitted to using heroin 3 weeks ago when my husband wanted to test her. We let her stay after a lengthy talk and reminded her of the boundry...no using while living here. Well, after being gone a week partying and losing her job, she called today wanting to come back as I sent her an e-mail on Friday telling her how I felt and on what terms she could return (one was she not have excessive amphetamine in her system and no opiods). I think she read it sooner but did what my husband said she would...waited until he was at work today to call. Sorry for being so long but....I am so depressed about both of them. I have paid her cell phone for 20 yrs. now and I checked the call log seeing all kinds of calls to low life people in very bad neighborhoods the past week, calls for a cab, for a bus schedule at 11:00 p.m., etc. After hearing from her today, I checked it and saw a 911 call at 8:45 a.m. She never said a word about that when we spoke at about 11:00. I read some post from a parent who wanted strength to not let her son return when he knocked on the door in the freezing weather and the responses. I am so torn. I have dealt with this for numerous years now and believe I have just enabled them. She chose to use and lie while here. Worst part for both is what I see their children go through. They tell them they will call or they can come over and then they are binging. They choose the drug over the kids. NEITHER will get help. He has been to rehab several times and feels defeated. He constantly talks about having no control and "whoever is running the show" and waiting on them for this to "be over" She refuses to admit a problem even after losing her long time job and 2 good ones since and now the grocery store job, her home and her kids. She says she is fine. She got angry today and blamed me if she goes downhill as she's trying to get straight and I'm putting her out. Please tell me that I am doing the right thing. Again, I have lived with this for years and I really need a break but more so...I know they are sick and I know they are weak but they won't try meetings, he says that Suboxone and Methadone are giving up one drug for another and she ...after all this won't even admit to a problem. She has had horrible sores on her arms and hands which she said are "old". I have seen a terrible abscess on her arm which she put a band aid on and said was a spider bite. How do you help them if they refuse to get help. If I/we(his dad) continue to give them shelter and comfort and they continue to go off and use and refuse to do anything else, what else can we do?????? I have stayed up 'til 3 and 4 a.m. over her the past week worrying. I am worrying now. I pray and pray and pray. I believe I am doing the right thing by not enabling them any more but then I read people telling another mother not to abandon her son and leave him in the cold to freeze. I honestly am AFRAID of her lately as her moods swing terribly when she apparently can't get her drugs. Just writing this helps. Again, I'm sorry for being so winded. I cry and cry and pray and pray. What else can/should I do? Thanks!
Have a lot going on today and I really don't want to be alone. No choice in the matter tho, I'm alone, all day. What I do want to do is use again today. I'm not sick or anything. I just want that false sense of "everything is good and I'm content exactly where I am". I just want to feel OK.