This is going to be long one, so bare with me, please.

I'm new to Daily Strength, not an addict but the sister of one. I have posted my story and my request for support but I guess it must irrelevant to this group, hence no answer. It's OK, I might be asking for support from the wrong group.

Although I can sense the frustration of recovery, having witnessed my brother straggling with his heroin addiction for years, I want to say that we, non addicts and relatives of addicts, don't have it easier.

A good example is the notorious dreams. You might be surprised to know that I too have had these dreams [the feeling of high, the angst, the shooting up], even though I've neither touched drugs nor drink alcohol.

When I told my brother, he was shocked, how could you know?, he asked. I dont know how. I was terrified and for countless nights I prayed I didnt see them.

Watching your own brother turning to an emotionless zombie is not smt you can be prepared for. Our family is just another middle class family with no substance abuse history, caring and loving, supportive all the way. When our mother found out about her sons addiction she had a heart attack. My brother was high flying, didnt even blink while our father was desperately trying to bring her back. Thankfully, he did.


Its been 7 months and counting that we haven't seen him. He says he wants to meet but never shows up. He left the family house [where he was terribly enabled for years], to support his junky g/f, pregnant at the time.

The woman has never worked in her life, is a full blown heroin addict, lives alone and continued with substance abuse throughout her whole pregnancy [heroin, pills, alcohol, pot, cigarettes]. The doctor who confirmed the pregnancy suggested she terminated due to her condition. My brother agreed. She didnt.

I do know why she went through. She has been using my brother, who is also jobless, to extract money from my family. Needless to say, they both continue using. So, to make a long story short, my brother ended up stealing several thousands of euros from the familys accounts and now that they have run out of money in just a short period of time, he plays the baby card on my father, aged 71 and with medical conditions, which is an extremely cruel thing to do.

My brother, despite his addiction, was never violent nor did he steal. He is an educated man, well traveled, and our family is of good financial stature. On the other hand, she is uneducated, has spend all her adult life in the streets and her family is dead poor. Her parents have also been calling us playing the baby card to extract money. Thankfully, my parents have realized that enabling wont get their son anywhere. It doesn't get less heartbreaking though.

Despite all that, we are dead worried about that baby. She is only a few months old, born prematurely and addicted, went through withdrawal and remained at the hospital for almost two months. In my country, its quite common to see heroin addicts raising children. The social services are up to their head with cases, and end up doing a bad job. The law doesn't help either by being so flexible.

While that woman was pregnant, I went through several stages. First denial, then anger and after that a kind of emotional pain that turned physical. The thought of a fetus being legally as well abused, turn my world upside down. The neurological implications substance abuse has on the fetus are facts and not smt to dismiss.

Thankfully, not all children born by addicts, face serious health issues. But there are children that are physically stigmatized for life. Ive done my research. I spent months reading medical journals.

Substance abuse causes genetic predisposition, learning disabilities, neurological and psychological problems, premature birth, twice the likelihood to develop autism, behavior problems and many more, not to mention the traumatic experience of withdrawal right after the baby is born.

When these children are given to the parents and they continue their lifestyle, the children face an 80% chance of developing drug addiction in their life. [study recently conducted in the metropolitan area of NY].

Being a sociologist, I take statistics with a pinch of salt.

However, when it comes to children, ie people who are not given a choice, I am adamant.

No addict should be allowed to bring a new person to this world. I am not talking about recovering addicts. I am talking about people who are neither physically nor emotionally well enough to form and raise a child. Children are not experiments.

My brother used to tell me that his g/f wanted to keep this baby because shed have a reason to stop using. Well, she hasnt. Nor is she asking for help. Just like he doesnt ask for help. They only want money. In the mean time, that baby lives under the terrible conditions of extreme poverty, with two junkies nodding off in turns.

After this long intro, I come to the point I want to make. Project prevention.

It is a US NGO that offers money to addicts in order for them to be short term or permanently sterilized. It is indeed a highly controversial NGO as the ethical issues involved bring eugenics in mind. It has even been characterized as fascist, even by a member of this group, but everyone is entitled to his/her opinion.

The NGO acts on a voluntary basis, ie does not force anyone to use its services. The founder is a woman who as adopted four children, all from addicted mothers. For more information, please go to:

http://www.beinformedjournal.com/beinformed-journal/2010/6/12/highly-controversial-us-ngo-project-prevention-causing-a-sti.html


The gist goes as follows: money in return for free short or long term contraception. Words do matter. We are talking about contraception here, because this is what it is. Millions of people use contraceptive methods for family planning. Some even have themselves sterilized because they dont want children. Do we pass moral judgments on these people? No, we dont. We say that it is their choice and well done. There are millions of euros being spent on preventing teenage pregnancy. Do we pass moral judgments on these programmes? No. We say we need them.

So, when it comes to addicts,why do we suddenly get offended and get all worked up?

You all know how irresponsible and self absorbed addicts are. You know the erratic lifestyle. That addiction comes hand in hand with poverty and extreme poverty. That the likelihood of child abuse is high in the dysfunctional family comprised by addicts. Im not even touching the social implications and financial issues, ie tax payers money, involved. Im just talking about children.

One of the members, feath3rtail, whose words I have found insightful, went a step further in the ethics of Project Prevention, by asking if we should castrate rapers. I cant understand if she was being ironic, but Id like to remind that in California chemical castration is used to rapers. When I first heard of it, I thought it was terrible. And then it hit me: the world is a jungle or if you prefer, its an imperfect world where monstrosities happen. That is why laws have been made. There were not made by some divine power. They were made by imperfect people in order to ensure social coherency and its prerequisite, safety. The death penalty is smt I can not swallow though, cause where I come from the death penalty is a huge social no-no.

To conclude, the project is all about prevention. It has nothing to do with punishment, thats how I see it. If you are an addict and want to have a family, you first clean yourself up. You dont bring another person into life without having in mind its best interest, whether you are a man or a woman. Why put another person into your misery and illness? Honestly, why?

I wish Project Prevention came to my country. It could save lives and families. If you like, tt is extreme contraception fit to the extreme circumstances several addicts experience exactly due to addiciton.

To the mothers in here, I want to wish strength. Raising a child is not an easy task, not to mention when in recovery. Your child deserves a chance to a good life full of love.

To the still addicted mothers, I want to say to give their child to a relative or foster home, get your act together and claim life. You are not alone anymore. You are responsible for smb else too who depends on you and loves you unconditionally. For how long, its up to you.

Take care all.

P.S. Forgive my English, it's not my mother tongue.