Its a really hard situation. I have been going through the same with my ex boyfriend for the last two years. Its entirely your decision if you contact him or not. I am at the stage myself where I am not ever sure I can mend or have a relationship with my ex boyfriend. We fight usually cos he wants money and I want to help him get better but I have realised if he really wants to committ to rehab he will do it himself. Recovery is a very personal journey and I can only wish him the best try to forgive him for the past and hope that he will recover. But the thing is they have to realise that they need help and it is scary to think they will never get to this stage. I love him very much. I hope you find a solution with your brother. But also remember to look after yourself. Take care

Thank you... You are the only person in here that took the time to reply. Hm... that sounded bitter, but I feel bitter right now. Nothing to do with the ppl of the group though.. Just my brother who once more acted like a jerk, using the baby as an excuse to get money from our parents. Not.

I've moved to "Family and Friends of Addicts". It's a good place to vent if you want to :), but I guess you know it as you've been in DS long enough...

True, it is a personal decision. Hey, life is a personal decision. I know I can do nothing for him unless he does smt for himself first. I can't "grow him up" or "outgrow him" from his addiction.

For the time being I am staying away from him. I think I'll only confuse him more. Besides, he is an empty man, he doesn't care if I live or die. Ouch, that hurt writing it, but it's no worse than the the actual truth..

Thank you for replying..
:)
Pen

Thank you for sharing your story. I have a younger sister who has been a heroin addict for about 7 years. She had a son right before her addiction worsened 7 yrs ago and by the grace of God she had a healthy baby boy. He has been raised by my parents, the father disappeared and my sister's drug use took over. I can't imagine the fear and torment you feel about your nephew. I would be beside myself with worry if my nephew had to live with two addicts. I think first and foremost someone needs to get that baby out of there. As I'm sure you know, is very unsafe to have any child in the care of a drug addict. I think no matter what your relationship is with your brother someone should try again to get the child removed, it could be a matter of life and death.
I think you will know when you ready to rebuild a relationship with your brother. I know I am not ready to get close to my sister yet, I have been hurt too many times by her lies and manipulation.
I hope you can find peace. Karen

i agree ...that baby didn't ask for or deserve this...the baby needs to be removed and protected.

I did talk to my brother, over the phone. I managed to keep cool and focus on empowering him. He's saying now that he wants to go to rehab. It's the first time in 7 years the word "rehab" comes out of his mouth without anger.

Unfortunately, the baby is still in their hands. The mother is supposedlely going to rehab, but I have no info on how she's doing.

Sadly enough, even though the District Attorney responsible for such cases was officially informed one more time, he hasn't taken any actions so as to have the baby removed. The flat were my brother and his g/f live has been found by the social services to be unsuitable, but that's about it..

The baby is being held hostage and there is nothing more we can do. Taking it in, will only make things worse.

For the time being I am keeping my distance from my brother.

Thank you for your reply..

When you say "taking it in will only make things worse" - do you mean taking the baby in?? How would that make things worse? Sounds like the system is failing another child. I'd keep calling and keep making complaints until someone did something to protect that child. Unsuitable living conditions is reason enough to remove the child. What are they thinking???

Gmawilli, thanks for the comment. By taking the baby in, I meant what you understood. Take it home.
We are still trying to get the social services to do their job but in all honestly, I don't think anyone cares. The case has gone to the DA for re evaluation and there is nothing more we can do right now, but wait. We are trying to find out when the new decision will come, but no one tells us. "The DA is very busy, it'll take some time", is all we get.

In the mean time the baby is still being held hostage. My brother is a complete slave to heroin and his g/f. He calls my dad and my dad can hear her scream at the background. Ugly.

My parents are in no position to take the baby because they are old and have health issues.

I cannot and will not take the baby because I have my own life, a full time job, a fianc and plans to have my own family. I've been putting my life on hold for too long.

Taking the baby in, even if possible, would only make things worse because the mother is fighting to keep her. But she fights the wrong battle. She only lies to the social services and keeps pushing my brother to get money from friends and family.

So, if my parents were not sick and took the baby, its 100% sure that the mother will want to keep contact with her child. We do not want to have her in our life. My brother is causing enough grief already.

Can the mother change? She didn't even ask for help while she was pregnant and kept using full time... She is still using...

But even if she asks for help and sticks with it, this woman will need a loooong time before she can be called responsible.

She has no money, no job, no education, no skills, no supportive family, no support network. She left her home at a young age and grew up in the streets. She has never worked, however she is supporting her lifestyle for 13 years now.

Even the reason why she had the baby says a lot about her: she had it despite the doctor's orders, in order to ensure a steady "income" out of my parents. Manipulation, lies, threats, you name it.

I won't even mention how many thousands of euros she and my brother ate up in just a few months.

I hope this time round, my father stops enabling my brother..

I know there are mothers in here who are still active, recovering or relapsing and might have a few words to say on the subject "parenthood and addiction". I'm open to honesty and cruel facts. I'm closing my ears though to those ones who call names and don't make sense.

I hope with ALL my heart, the DA makes the right decision this time. The baby has to be taken away from that woman and my brother. It is facing constant danger.

Even the mother's parents should not be allowed to take the baby in as the "grandfather" is an alcoholic who beats up his wife and they have absolutely no resources apart from social welfare and a little money from the church now and then. They are low life people, and I am not saying it in a racist way. They, just like their daughter are using the baby as a means to extort money from my parents. They are sickening.

Yep, I am still angry at her for what she did and most of all, for the reasons she did it. It was not my brother's decision to have that baby. We know it from the doctor who confirmed the pregnancy.

I don't want my brother in my life while he is using and of course we as a family don't want his toothless, screaming and yelling g/f of his in our lives either.

Last but not least, the baby is HER responsibility. If she cant handle raising a healthy child, she herself should give it for adoption and let that poor child have a chance in life. But miracles don't happen everyday.

Oof! That was a long one.. The baby issue hits a nerve.

The baby issue will keep hitting a nerve while it remains unresolved. If you were willing or your parents were able to take the baby in, are you saying that it would bother you having to have contact with the mother? I can understand that, no one likes having to deal with someone they dislike (and I know you dislike her intensely, for all the reasons you have stated). Do they have restraining orders in Greece? These orders can be very helpful for people who have custody of a child and need a way to stop the birth parent harassing them.

Oh Hope, the system is so terrible slow that it's almost not working. I don't know if you are aware of what's happening here [IMF, strikes, lay offs, public sector not operating]. This situation is making things impossible when it comes to cases such as this one.

I honestly don't want to be responsible for this child. It's extremely unfair to both me and my fiance. There have been quite a few people from child protection agencies, governamental or not, that have made me feel guilty and selfish. But WHY should I take responsibility for HER child? I am working full time, cannot and will not leave my job in times like these. I am one of the few lucky ones who still have a job here. So, all in all, there is noone to take care of that child.

"Bother" is an understatement. I don't want to even have to look at her face. We belong to different worlds and her world is one that makes me hurt badly. On top of that, she is 100% absorbed into HER needs. She doesn't care about the baby. I don't believe she cares about my brother either. So, why on earth should I let her in my life?

Enough said.. I know that I'll have this child in my mind for the rest of my life. Everyone has his/her own cross. This is mine one.

You don't need to let her into your life, as I said. But the point is that you are (very) angry and you feel guilty. These are two perfectly understandable emotions for anyone in your situation. Your options are to stay feeling this way, or change the circumstances to remove the feelings, or find out how to life your life without these feelings controlling you.

You have tried changing the circumstances by alerting the DA, and that is all you can do. Even if you could successfully change the circumstances, you are still left with all the anger. I know it's hard to understand at this point, but you CAN work through the anger and get free of it. But you need outside help to learn how.

You can't change the fact that your brother is an addict and has caused huge harm to everyone around him. You can't change the fact that a woman who is utterly irresponsible and unreliable has a legal claim on custody of the baby.

You don't need to have a guilty conscience for the rest of your life. You did not cause this problem, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

I have felt such emotional freedom since I started shiftng my focus away from all the things my addict does, and onto what I can do in my own life. I am working to let go of the anger and obsession, it's hard at times, but I am already starting to feel a bit better. I wish that for you, because I can see how much pain you are in.