for 5 years i lived in my mom's home with my brother who was 4 years older then me,it all started when i was 12. My brother was a herion addict for years and I had to live with the horro of him stealing my things to Pawn, having all night parties, selling drugs out of the house. He and his friends even got our house raided by the police when i was 13. Not so fun to be woken up with a cop poiting a shoot gun at you when your that age. I begged for years for my mom to kick him out, i tried to prove he was on drugs, but she refused to believe, she was a sigle mom, i she though he was just smoking pot and it was too much for her to handle. I was forced to live in hell. FInally at chistmas my oldest brother and sister came home, saw the hell i was living in and convinced her to kick him out. All of our lives instantly got better. With strength from her children my mom managed to actually keep him out of the house. She said the only way he could come back was if he went to long term treatment, 9-18 months. He refused so she said good by. 7 yeasr later he's clean and a father, we're all closer tehn ever. 3 years ago my addiction started and she did the same to me. it forced me to clean up my act and although im still struggeling, i never regret what she did.It;s easy to stay a drug addict when peole enable you. I know it's hard to let go, your scard something will happen to him. You have to realize there is nothing you can do. people who get clean for other people don't stay clean. he has to do it for himself and WANT IT. It;s scary but there is nothing more you can do. No regrets your doing what's right. Sorry this turned out to be a novel.

Thanks for your reply and it sounds like the same thing that was going on here. I have a daughter that's younger than him but thank God she drug free, but your letter reminds me that sometimes you have to remove the emotional ties and remember that everyone, including myself, needs chance to live a life. More importantly, your right again, no matter how bad I wanted it, no matter what we done, no matter the love, he has got to want it, so in the end it was his choice. You did a great job in reopenning my eyes, it's hard, but it's the only way. Ths AGAIN- PHOEBEL25

tbird, i am in a similar sitsuation; however i made the dd move out long ago. i am still here for her, but refuse to let her stay here. i have tempt custody of her daughter and i pray everyday for her to get it right. it does not matter if they are with you, or not the pain and worry are the same. when she is on the street i feel helpless like a boat aganist the tide. i wait for the call or for the cops to pull up and tell me she is dead. i wait for god to take her; i suffer for her and the demons in her. sometimes i go through the day in a haze, a cloud of uncertainity that lingers. i keep waiting for it to get easier. a little better is better then no better off at all; if i feel a little better tomorrow, i'll be a little better off. god bless you and screw the fucking drugs that take our loved ones!

Tbird I know what you are going through. We have spent all of our savings trying to help my 24 yr. old son. We have been battling this for 4 years. We have lived with the stealing and lying. I have 2 other sons ages 21 & 22. This has affected our whole family. As fast as one of my other sons bought an x-box game or movie it went missing. A year ago Dec he went into his 3rd rehab and did great and they sent him to CA for long term treatment. He ws clean over a year had a great job and loved life. everything was great and for some reason he relapsed and was worse than ever. we kept trying to help and cleaning up his messes. He got arrested which was devastating for us he had never been in trouble. After a month we bailed him out to go into yet another program (all of these programs came with price tags of at least 15,000 for 30 days) but we just had to try to save him. Well he relapsed again right after he got out and was arrested a second time. He has no money but as fate would have it his goverment refund came the day before so he bailed himself out. He was to go into sober living but didn't and started using again, really bad. He called everyday with another emergency and we had no way of knowing so I just kept "helping out". Everyone's advice on here was to let go but I couldn't. I had to do it in my own time but something just clicked for me, I have finally had it. I love him more than anything but I hate his addict. Well the other day he had a change of plea hearing and I asked the lawyer to have the judge put him back in custody. At least I know he is not using. He admits he could not stop. Now when he calls I keep it short. I tell him I love him but after 4 years we are moving on he has a choice whether to be part of this family or not but I can no longer let him bring us down. I can sleep at night knowing he is safe. I thought I was helping but i am sure I have helped prolong it. I just wanted to keep him from making any more mistakes. I now have to set boundries and stick to them which I am sure will not be easy. Thank god he is across the country because the years he was here and using were hell. Best of luck to you and you are doing the right thing. I am praying that this is the time he finally gets it but who knows? Best of luck to your family.

Hi Cheeri1! Thanks for your support. the story you tell is so similiar in ways, and so horrible it a testament to you and your family strenght. No, one, & I repeat know ones knows what it's like as a parent of a heroin or drug abusing son or daughter.

It's a living hell, but there are the bright moments and you learn to enjoy each carefree moment in life just that much more. My son used again, and he has 2 choices. State rehab, if they have room or the streets. Of course he denies using, but he is so high it's unbelievable. Never held any job longer than 5 mos. Has no money and losing good friends fast. I really feel there is little to no hope for him, and that a bad feeling. Anyway, you hang in there. When I say my prayers I will think of your family also. My God bless you and made you find peace of mind. Jack

Jack, I understand how devistating, along with physically, mentally, and emotionally draining it is. I too went through the heroin/opiate addiction with my son for 6 long years. But there is hope, through the grace of god, a good psy doctor, and suboxone, my son has been clean for 2 years now. There is no worse pain a parent can go through than having their child addicted to drugs. I certainly can relate to the nightmares and insanity that comes with the addiction, breaking down of doors, cops surrounding your house, with their guns out, arrests, police stations, county jail, court, lawyers, rehabs, court costs, humiliation (sp?) and the list goes on and on. When I read Rosecranes, I knew you are from Illinois, me too. Don't kid yourself about your son not making it on the streets, addicts are extremely smart and resourseful. You made the right choice about asking him to leave, as much as you feel devistated, you did the right thing. When we as parents stop enabling, the sooner the addict will hit their bottom. As long as we continue to enable, and let the addict control and manipulate, the longer it will take them to hit their bottom. You have come to a warm and caring group. We have either had a child who is an addict, or are an addict in recovery, and understand what you are going through. I'd like to suggest that you also join the Parents of Addicts Group here on DS, which is also full of wonderful, caring people, who have children that are either in recovery or using, and there is alot of good, strong support there too. Everyone on both groups is happy to help in any way we can, and to answer any questions, and ease the pain that you are dealing with. Stay strong and keep the faith. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Bcolliemom is right, there are a lot of great people here on this site. I went through the same things....jails, police, stolen items, shame, loss of friends, money, my den has about 100 cigarette burns in the carpet from when he would "nod out". I had to finally kick him out and yes, it was gut wrenching. But the insanity and hell my daughter and I were living through was too much. It has been 6 months now that he is clean..living with his Dad who he hasn't really seen much of for the last 15 years or so. He found his way into a treatment center when I kicked him out...I guess he hit his bottom with no more enabling from me. I know how scared you are but you did the right thng. The family members who are not causing all the problems need to be safe and secure. Sometimes we parents pay all the attention to ones who are causing all the troubles and the good ones feel left out, ya know? I hope you are feeling a little better about your decision and that your family feels better too. Keep asking God to protect your son while he's out there and all of you who are so concerened...I know He will listen. Good luck and stay in touch...we do care.

Thanks for caring it really means a lot at times like these! It really does! Jack

You are SO right about NO ONE knowing what it's like if they haven't walked in our shoes. My fiance' just couldn't get it, no matter how hard he tried, and I do think he tried. I am in such mourning over losing my fiance', but I truly do understand why he COULDN'T understand. It just made me mad that he THOUGHT he did. His kids were the "perfect" kids who turned their noses up to anyone who didn't meaure up to their standards and would give my son the cold shoulder when he'd come around, even though my son went out of his way to try to be nice to them when he did come around, which wasn't very often. Sometimes when people treat your loved one that way, it's REALLY hard to fight the urge to want God to give them a dose of what we're going through. REALLY hard.

I should've said (former) fiance', as of 17 days ago.

I am a recovering addict and i can tell you that 4 and a half years ago i was on the brink on suicide and at the end of my rope...i called my parents for help and they told me "call someone else..we cant help you" and they hung up....sounds harsh right? BUT U KNOW WHAT IT SAVED MY LIFE! it was the best thing my parents could have ever done for me..i am alive and clean for 4.5 years because of it...good luck

I am sure at the time, those were real tough words to hear, but I understand. Thanks for your reply, and yes, somehow, thank God you found strenght in yourself. Your parent can be a source of strenght & love, but you have to want it as well. I am glad for your recovery and wish you all the strenght and luck to keep on living the good clean life. Hang in ther & stay tough! Jack