If you confront her, I wouldn't do it alone. An intervention is probably pretty overwhelming for an addict, but it can help. Not sure what the bloody towel is, but addicts don't care if you have kids, and will use wherever they can and do whatever they have to to use.

If she wants to come back, I will require a drug test and Mom and Dad will show up to pick her up, not me. I have considered how violent she might get. I was afraid she had HIV and didn't want to put her blood in my washer so I asked a crisis hotline and they said the bloody towel is her shooting up, she needed a towel to wipe the blood.

I am disappointed and hurt, but now I'm starting to get really pissed knowing she was shooting up in my home.

My only advice is that making a person feel awful has never lead to positive change. You need to look and see if you know how to speak straight to her. I am not going to tell you an addict is a certain way or another that is not true. Every person with this problem have the same kinds of personalities as you will see in any population.

Hi there, you might want to join the Families & Friends of Addicts group: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group

Just my two cents here: you cannot make an active addict feel better about her self, or worse, for the matter. Your sister will do whatever she wants no matter what you say or do. You probably know that reasoning with an addict is like reasoning with a brick wall.

Getting her our of your house is a must, especially since you have children. Talk with your parents and come up with an action plan. Where will she stay,how far will your family go to help her, does she want help? There's a lot of info on line if you search with the term "intervention".

Getting her tested is a waste of time and money. I wouldn't even go there. You know she is shooting, she'll deny it, you'll ask for a test, she'll decline, you'll fight etc. That's why I'm saying that having a clear action plan before you get her out of your house is important.

I'm sure you'll get more responses in the Families & Friends group.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Try to distance yourself emotionally.

People who are dependent on substances are not alien from another planet. Am not about to tell you they are "ALL A CERTAIN WAY" although there is a tendency in this arena to believe they are and there is a lot of authoritative pronouncement going around saying "they all are" hama hama.

What city are you in anyway? I might come up for some resources for you. From what you are writing seems like you are feeling a bit overwhelmed, vulnerable and do not want to get to desperation.

I do not know your sister accept for what you are saying yourself. I wouldn't call the cops on her. They are not likely to watch her and if she is being wreckless she is going to be the cause of it. I wouldn't want to be the cause of it myself.

Confrontation has never been very effective in treatment. I only use it when I am clear the other person is clear that I am coming from caring about what happens to them. I surely wouldn't come up rough and tough. The tough love thing am not sure how effective it is either. There is all kinds of claims, but I think mainly it has been idealized. I just know that in treatment it has not worked very well, although there is a lot of authoritative pronouncements.

I agree that you have to bring this out in the open. I would also tell your sister that you are willing to help her get help but you will not allow her to use drugs in your home around your children and she may very well deny it but I would suggest that you insist she take a drug test in your presence there are many ways to fool with them. I'm in agreement with Picarro on the one size fits all treatment and personality of drug users however many addicts do have very similar traits that go along with using such as lying that was the hardest one for me to accept with my sons drug use. I always alwAys let my son know nothing would ever stop making me love him and I would help him in anyway with getting into treatment but drug use in or around my home would not be tolerated I agree that in my case the positive encouragement seemed to help it has been a year and a couple months since my son has used believe me it has not been easy and there are still problems from what was done but we continue to work on it and are making progress. Good luck with it other people I know have used the tough love stance and some it has helped and some are still using even after being given hard consequences so it really comes down to how much does your sister want to stop using?

There are many reason why people would lie. The big one is if they feel that they are not going to be accepted. Like deehig says I think you need to make an assessment of yourself and see what are your condition of satisfaction. My guess is like deehig says one of them would be "do NOT use drugs around my house".
Are you afraid that she really would get violent. Heroin addict do not have a tendency toward violence unless they are going thru withdrawals symptoms. And what you may get out of her is more like irritability. If she is sick she is not likely to want to fight. They have excellent medication for heroin addicts. I have been on both methadone and suboxone. I do not have any issues with them but there is a tendency to be a lot or myth about using medications to deal with drug addiction. There is also a lot of myth about drugs themselves and treatment.

I suggest a new book out "Inside rehab". so you get a good idea more than less what goes on. The author is not a professional in the field (although she might have a master in one of the social sciences) She is more like an investigative reporter.

It is my opinion that the professions have not reach the leave of technology to have excellent outcomes. I agree with Nora Volkow who is the chief of the National Institute of Drug Abuse. Historically when we have not understood the medical condition well, we blame it on the patient. It been so for cancer as well as major depression. Addictions is not any difference. Scientifically we do not understand it well, although again there are a lot of authoritative pronouncements making all kinds of claims.

I also suggest you relax and make sure you can think clearly. We make better decision when we are relax than when we get upset and angry. Think straight talk straight about what you want for yourself and family.

You have a learning experience in your hand. Unfortunately treatment is not always attractive.

My father was like deehig is with his son. As you can see he leaves the lines of communications open. Am a harm reductionist by nature. I first think about the persons health. I have always have difficulties with treatment center that have discharge patients for relapsing, We do not kick people of of the hospital it their cancer get worse, nor the schizophrenic if they hallucinate, Treatment center loose a great opportunity. Like I say we still have a lot to learn about being human.

Am I wrong about the heroin? Or drugs of any nature? I really want to be wrong.

She says she has psoriasis real bad and has an Rx cream for it, but when I asked the crisis hotline, they said they have never heard of that. She said she scratches her psoriasis and it bleeds so she has to wipe it with a towel. If so, why does she hide the towel in her suitcase? Why not clean it, what's to hide? She sleeps so much and lies about almost everything, I just have to listen for the facts. She has so much debt and hardly any income for the last few years, how does someone survive like that? She lost custody of all her children, all by different fathers.

What brought about our argument was that she lied about a friend who turned out to be her boyfriend and he was coming to see her and at that moment was almost here already. I flipped out bc I felt like it was a drug run since she was getting her first paycheck, but all I told her was that she lied about him all this time and now there is distrust between us and I am not comfortable with the situation she has put me in, she needed to turn him away and plan it out better. She refused and left the next day without telling me if she was coming back. After 2 weeks, she finally texted me on facebook that she needed a place to stay, she ran out of money.

The crisis hotline said most drugs will show up in a test within a few days only. Is this why she waited 2 weeks to come back? If anyone thinks I just jumped to the wrong conclusion, please tell me. I have told her since she came into my home that I just want to help her get on her feet again. I was suspicious of drugs, but I just hoped if she did drugs, it was behind her now. When she would start lying, I would just tell her if she didn't want to tell me something, she didn't have to (in other words, just don't say anything if it's not the truth).

Picaro, I really appreciate your honesty. I have spoken kindly to her from the day she moved in. Even during our argument, we never raised our voices to each other. All I told her was that she and her boyfriend have put me in an uncomfortable situation, even tho she was not going to bring him to my home, she was going to meet him at a motel, I just told her that is not my lifestyle and it cannot come and go in my home.

Our parents have offered to take her in, but she refused, she said she knows she can't change. She said she was willing to take a drug test, but then disappeared the next day. Right now I am dealing with a lot of anger thinking how she did drugs in my home. And if anyone thinks I am wrong about the drugs, please be honest and tell me I am just crazy and stupid. I would rather be crazy, stupid and wrong than her be addicted to drugs. I would rather everyone think how awful a person I am than her be a drug addict.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Everything points to her being an iv drug user. If you let her stay, she will very likely not be able to help herself from stealing from you & if you have children in your home, her drug use could lead to you losing your children. I really hope she hasn't gotten ahold of that horrible drug that will turn the users skin into rotte flesh. She needs help. I know you probably feel like someone has kicked the breath out of you right now & I know you're terrified for her. Did anyone from the hotline give you any info on medical detoxes in your area? Is she insured? I am raising both of my adult kids' little boys because of their heroin addictions. I know the overwhelming huge mass of emotions you are experiencing. Hopefully she will realize she needs help before its too late. Medical detox would be a good starting point, but she has to be ready.

Gma, her arms are covered with scars that are circular in shape. That could be needle marks. My daughter has skin allergies to bug bites and they look like that, but as much as she gets eaten up by mosquitos, hers doesn't even look as bad as my sister's. And my sister's legs look like the alligator skin, like her flesh is rotting off. But she says it's her psoriasis, she scratches it. I looked at pictures of both and they look alike from the pictures. I do believe her about the psoriasis, but it doesn't mean it's also not drugs, from her behavior. I just hate this mental toll on me. And you're right about the kids, that's why I had to turn her away, I just feel crappy about it.

I'm sorry for your pain and I would love to tell you you're wrong she's not using but it almost certainly seems like she is. Addiction (especially to heroin) is one of the hardest to stop but NOT impossible. That evil drug takes your lived one hostage and turns them into someone you don't even know anymore . The best advice I can give you is to follow your gut instincts they are usually right. I would not let her stay with you especially because you have young children there are so many reasons why the chance you could lose your kids from her actions is very real and you have to think of them first I know you are and I know you love your sister and don't want this to be true but the best thing you can do for her is not buy her b.s. Tell her you love her and will help her in anyway to get the help she needs to recover but you can not and will not sit by and watch her destroy herself. I was crushed to the core when I found out my beautiful smart loving son had gotten himself into this drug at 17 years old!!! The damage that has been done to all of us from it has been immeasureable but just like he is working on change and progress we are working on rebuilding our lives it takes a lot of time but I'm hopeful someday it will all be just a bad memory, good luck to you and your sister and I think I may have already mentioned but their is a forum on daily strength called family and friends of addicts I promise you there are a lot of helpful knowledgable understanding people on there that would love to help you. Dee

She has the most disgusting habits. I know we all have bad habits, but hers are so disgusting and she would not clean up after herself. Her skin flakes all over the bed, rug, and floor she would never sweep or vaccuum, I told her to a couple times. I told her to clean the coffee cup stains off the desk couple times bc I just bought it brand new for my daughter and it was expensive, she said ok, but never did. Should I go on, it gets worse? And I knew this growing up, so I knew it would be a challenge offering her a place to stay.

I have so much guilt, I'm asking myself did I just turn her away bc I couldn't live with her bad habits anymore? Am I that selfish?

Hi
I'm an addict and trying my hardest to quit. Being an addict I can see both sides. You need to remember she is still your sister, you need to be firm and let her know you love her. But you can't let her live in your home if she is still using as undesirable acquaintances and dealers might start turning up at your house. She may even feel relieved to get it all out in the open. You can be there to support her she needs to move out of your home. Tell her you want the truth but if she tells you something you don't want to hear then don't go mad at her otherwise she'll end up lying about things in the future. She's obviously at a bad point in her life, being homeless is pretty low down. If she wants to change her life then help her by putting her in contact with the right people for: Housing, addiction groups etc. Sorry cannot be more specific as I live in England!! Remember your direct family come first, you need to protect your children. She's lucky to have a sister who cares! Good luck, I'm off to find some advice for my addiction problems!!