Ok, it's about mothers: mine in particular. She knows that I have HCV cause she is where I got it from, so we have it 35 years for her and 32 for me. She also knows that I have had anxiety for the last 4 yrs, vertigo for 6, and she knows that I JUST started zoloft.....but decided to come over from her boyfriends and argue.

This apartment we share along with my little one cause finacially we cant handle it by ourselves, her on Disability and me just on student loans. She does have a boyfriend which she visits everyday, at his place....cause I mean, his place only has an older kid that goes to his friends and keeps to himself. But they both tell my lil one to be quiet or dont do this or that, not that they dont have fun, it just irks me, like Im not doing a good enough job or something.

I cant drive and therefore she does and she reminds me all the time of it. Though one time I got someone else to do it, and she felt slighted. I dont understand. She told me that we were just "dumped" into her lap after the father left us and basically, to me, that means she did not want us. Sure, she has her own stuff going on, who doesnt, she feels that she shouldnt have to be here and there like she is split between two households. I hate to tell her this, but that would be no different then splitting households for us kids after she left my stepdad. I couldnt even go over to see him unless she didnt know about it cause if she did, she would say that was disloyal and a backstab. Well, he was like my dad, and my lil sis(23) gets to see him, cause, well, thats her real dad. Though she still doesnt like that my sis spends time with him, etc. We have another sis(32) that hasnt spoken to my mom in 12 yrs. Again, when I talked to her, my mom said it was disloyal cause my sis left her (but not the rest of the family), just her.

I know that she does a lot for me and others, and I thank her or give her gas money (I know some ppl including her boyfriend that didnt even do that). But, who the hell complains about it when they are doing it because they want to (she would say cause she "has to") or when someone else does it for her?! I mean, wth? Thats hypocritical. I even called a cab to take me to an appt. but it was a time she wasnt going to be here, but for some reason she was, and of course found out. She didnt say anything about it until tonight. "I looked like an ass when the cab driver asked me if someone called a cab and it was you. You never told me you were taking a cab. I could have taken you cause I was leaving the house anyways. Maybe you could have called one for the way back...." This was to an appt that she took me to before and complained that it took so long for me to get out. It was physical therapy for my vertigo which is one major things that is why I dont drive. If I could drive, I would not ask her for another ride even if my leg was broke.

I know its easy for people to say, "Well, get out" Sure, but we all know its not that easy. I dont need her to wipe my behind, I only needed her to drive maybe once a week, and to talk to cause she knows I dont have anyone here in this town that we moved to cause HER BOYFRIEND lives here. Guess I will just have to file for disability like she wanted me to do yrs ago and try to date, or just find a roomate cause with anxiety and vertigo, I cant do it all on my own, HCV, maybe, unless I was doing treatment, then I would need extra help. My other family would, but it would be me having to choose, and if I chose them over her, she would still say that she should see her grandchild, though with the one sis, she doesnt get to (and I think its better that way). All in all, I want things to go back to us being great friends as we were before, its not that hard. She just wants me to be on my own and she can just "visit" or talk whenever she wants to and be the "cheery" visitor, eat up all my food (I dont eat her food, I have my own), make a mess(cause my kid makes a mess) and then leave.

Im in college online (which she called me stupid, I get good grades), raising my child on my own with no child support at the moment(which she said we were a burden), and sit at the apartment most days (she asked if I was a hypocondriac or something, not related to the aprtmt thing).

I know she has her side, as anyone would, but Im not on her side. This is a long post, I know, but have to get it out. And, I know you guys cant help in the ways you would like and no one wants to hear about peoples problems and aches and pains is what she said to me even just a couple hours ago (she says she does cause I do, so it is purely spiteful). I of course have christmas break off, but I decided beforehand that I want to take a semester off school to take care of me, and of course my kid, as much as I can. Some of you dont have to imagine what it is like to have to do almost everything on your own, and I did do it all on my own before I had a child, the knowledge that I had HCV this whole time, vertigo/anxiety. I could handle it if I didnt have the vertigo and anxiety cause I didnt even know I had HCV. ....ahhh there I go again, making it about me....bah.

She says she is going to get a house with her boyfriend, and I know they had been talking about it (he has an 18yo son there as well, SHE wants him to move out or go into the army), so she said I have to figure out what I am going to do cause she doesnt want us to stay with them, or me specifically. And, she didnt say this but, I wouldnt do it as a "leach" cause I pay for my half, some dont, I wouldnt get away with just living there for free, though her boyfriends son is.....Ok, done ranting now.

Thanks for the virtual ears!