Hepatitis B Support Group
Hepatitis B virus infection may either be acute (self-limited) or chronic (long-standing). Persons with self-limited infection clear the infection spontaneously within weeks to months. There are currently several treatments for chronic hepatitis B that can increase a person's chance of clearing the infection.
Hi
This is my confession...
I was diagnosed with hep B in 2001, now 15 years later, 35 yrs old and very much alone, you will officially be the first I have confessed to about my illness... ever!
Of course the doctors who originally checked me over know about my condition but seeing as I haven't seen or spoken to a doctor about my hep B since 2002 (I ran away so scared and embarrassed at the time) then it's safe to assume only you reading this today will know about my long hidden secret.
With no cure, no self worth, no network of support and no emotional support I've suffered painfully in silence for nearly all my adult life.
Too afraid, too ashamed, too proud, too sad, and stupidly too stubborn, has left me completely alone and not seeking the help I need.
For the last 15 years I've purposely pushed everyone I once knew away (even at times when I didn't want to) and I've now isolated myself so far away from everyone that there's no one to turn back to... in fact when I fill in a next of kin form I now make up a fictional name just so that there are no blanks.
Where do I go from here? How did I get in this awful position?
I can foresee the advice telling me to talk to a doctor or "reach out to someone"... except when everytime I've tried in the past (I've tried many times), my ill and negative mind has pushed me further back behind the huge walls I've erected around myself... put simply, I can't get out and no one can get in.
I live a life of lies... making excuses and telling stories to excuse myself away from people and social functions so that no one will ever get the chance to know me or my illness... and if someone did try I instinctively push them away or concoct a story to distance myself.
I use to cry often but I've since lost the tears to numbness. I use to smile often but now I frown having lost my kindness. I use to hope often but now I prey alone.
I don't do drugs, I don't drink, and most days I try not to think about how I could end my life, and instead I immerse myself in my work to retain a sense of purpose and direction.
Please forgive my post today as I just needed to make some peace and understanding in mind tonight as I lie awake typing out my thoughts and wondering... "what happens next?"...
That was my confession.
Thank you for reading... Goodnight.