Help in Deciding to Leave or Stay Community Group
This group aims to gently help people decide about leaving or staying in their abusive relationship. This support covers whatever is needed to help the person be ready and able to go or stay; to actually make that decision and be confident it is the right one. The decision is a personal one and nobody can tell anyone what to do. We can only be with another person and help...
He's been really suspicious and accusational, and I am very open and honest with him, so it leads me to doubt his honesty.
He's been secretive and giving up hope. He's going through recent relapse and possibly re-relapse, I don't know. He's getting checked out for lung cancer, and still smoking. I am so codependent and dysfunctional. My therapist suggested a break if I don't break it off from him because of the "insanity of doing the same thing and thinking I'll get a different result". So I didn't go back to her, and don't think I will. Some lack of trust issues between the counselor ane myself became apparent (she's through a domestic violence agency due to the severe emotional abuse of the relationship).
Yes it is said it takes average 7 times of trying to end an abusive relationship for it to end. I'm beyond that in the year 1/2 of our "relationship".
Anyway I journaled about the betrayal. Basically I am feeling done, and it won't be easy. He "hooks" me back in by making absurd and very hurtful accusations, and I realize in needing to detach I can get through this, I don't have to "make him get it". It is only getting deeper in the dirt. It has gotten so ugly. Oh, and how sweet he can be at times! Just precious. But when the wickedness comes it just hurts.
So I asked his close friend/relative what was up, and heard an earful about two completely different scenarios he has told each of us. Betrayal. Please read my journal entry if you so wish.
It will not be easy. I can do it one day at a time. I can not "engage" his insanity.
Thanks for this group and the feedback.
He's been secretive and giving up hope. He's going through recent relapse and possibly re-relapse, I don't know. He's getting checked out for lung cancer, and still smoking. I am so codependent and dysfunctional. My therapist suggested a break if I don't break it off from him because of the "insanity of doing the same thing and thinking I'll get a different result". So I didn't go back to her, and don't think I will. Some lack of trust issues between the counselor ane myself became apparent (she's through a domestic violence agency due to the severe emotional abuse of the relationship).
Yes it is said it takes average 7 times of trying to end an abusive relationship for it to end. I'm beyond that in the year 1/2 of our "relationship".
Anyway I journaled about the betrayal. Basically I am feeling done, and it won't be easy. He "hooks" me back in by making absurd and very hurtful accusations, and I realize in needing to detach I can get through this, I don't have to "make him get it". It is only getting deeper in the dirt. It has gotten so ugly. Oh, and how sweet he can be at times! Just precious. But when the wickedness comes it just hurts.
So I asked his close friend/relative what was up, and heard an earful about two completely different scenarios he has told each of us. Betrayal. Please read my journal entry if you so wish.
It will not be easy. I can do it one day at a time. I can not "engage" his insanity.
Thanks for this group and the feedback.
No it will not be easy, but it will be worth it. One day at a time is the only way it worked for me. Some days it was one *hour* at a time, but it eventually sunk in and I stopped the insanity in my life.
Maybe you could try some form of meditation too, or something helpful that suits, eg, long walks.
All the best with this.