Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Several years ago both my wife and I started having problems, not unusual problems for middle age, but still.....sexually disabling.
Before we probably had a more active sexual relationship than most. She was occasionally quoting some article she read that said couples our age on average only had sex twice a month or something like that. Definitely not us, although it was clear that the leading force was me.
But the problems.....me, prostate and hormone problems that I was able to get treated. Her, she started having frequent episodes that resembled infections, although there was little or no evidence of infections. She became convinced that she was on the verge of some chronic disorder. And long sexual sessions did seem to irritate it and cause her one of these episodes. No more oral or digital sex on her, very little foreplay, really very little sex at all. She's a health professional but made little or no effort to get diagnosis or treatment. It's clear that she's happy with little or no sex. Her interests are needlepoint and grandchildren.
I'm really unhappy with this and after many discussions there's a kind of agreement - I can play with other women if I feel that I must, if I promise to practice safe sex, but she doesn't want to know about it. If I give her an STD she's done with me. Seems simple enough, but very few women want to be involved with a married man. I've been trying for a few years, managed some minor successes, but not what I really want, a long-term satisfying relationship. I can't leave and start over for a number of reasons most importantly we really do love each other.
I wrote in another support group and the answer I got was to be noble, accept things the way they are. That's not going to work for me.
I don't know if anyone really has any advice for me, but thank you for letting me vent.
Before we probably had a more active sexual relationship than most. She was occasionally quoting some article she read that said couples our age on average only had sex twice a month or something like that. Definitely not us, although it was clear that the leading force was me.
But the problems.....me, prostate and hormone problems that I was able to get treated. Her, she started having frequent episodes that resembled infections, although there was little or no evidence of infections. She became convinced that she was on the verge of some chronic disorder. And long sexual sessions did seem to irritate it and cause her one of these episodes. No more oral or digital sex on her, very little foreplay, really very little sex at all. She's a health professional but made little or no effort to get diagnosis or treatment. It's clear that she's happy with little or no sex. Her interests are needlepoint and grandchildren.
I'm really unhappy with this and after many discussions there's a kind of agreement - I can play with other women if I feel that I must, if I promise to practice safe sex, but she doesn't want to know about it. If I give her an STD she's done with me. Seems simple enough, but very few women want to be involved with a married man. I've been trying for a few years, managed some minor successes, but not what I really want, a long-term satisfying relationship. I can't leave and start over for a number of reasons most importantly we really do love each other.
I wrote in another support group and the answer I got was to be noble, accept things the way they are. That's not going to work for me.
I don't know if anyone really has any advice for me, but thank you for letting me vent.
I know that if I ever got to the point where I didn't want to have sex with my man, and we still loved each other, I would let him do the same thing. As long as I didn't have to know about her (I am just a the jelouse type). My thinking is if I can't give the man I love the things he needs then I don't mind him getting it elsewhere (yet again as long as I didn't know about her). By that I don't mean I want him to have an affair, I want us to sit down and talk about it like yall did. I want to know he is doing it but I don't want to know who she is (if that makes any since lol).
Anyway there is my 2 cents worth lol.
May I suggest adultfriendfinder.com and Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms?
My email shows another response from koolman that has a few suggestions. It's not showing here on DS, but I can go ahead and answer it, although we may be getting off topic. "May I suggest adultfriendfinder.com and Trojan Extended Pleasure condoms?"
aff.com and every other site like that.....every woman on that site is bombarded with dozens or hundreds of emails. Being over 50 and married, and trying to find someone close to me (within 50 miles).....It seems impossible! And craigslist - I've met some women thru CL....but since the murders that's dried up as a source. AshleyMadison.com specializes in married people, but I haven't had any luck with that site either.
And condoms.....thanks to my health I don't have the hardest erections, but I do have very large ones. I'm usually doing good till I try to roll on a condom and I usually lose it (the erection) in the struggle. Then when the nervousness - it won't come back on command. Even the Magnum XL condoms aren't really big enough. Thru mail order I got some bigger ones, a brand used by porn stars, and some female condoms, but haven't had a chance to use them yet.
Thanks for your support.
Yes he has 'permission' such as it is to play around, as long as it doesn't affect his marriage - but in practice, it's not so easy to find a woman who will be happy with that arrangement.
Wish I had something helpful to suggest, but it's not easy.
Well, look at sliding on the sheath of the condom as a sexy part of the sexual experience. That's what I do. The marvelous sensation of the rubber extending all the way down the shaft to the base. Putting on a condom can indeed be a very sexy experience! Keep trying it alone. You'll develop a taste for the sensation.
Just be honest with the people you talk to and let them know that you are in an open marrage and if they have a problem with it they will let you know before hand. Speeking from a womans point of view I have met a few married men through aff.com that told me they were married and in an open marrage, and after talking to them for a while they proved that to me.
I may only be 23 but I have been around the block a time or 2 lol.