Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I am very glad that I did join this site and this group. As I learn not only that I am not alone I hear of so many of us dealing with different situations. I am trying to understand why we do stay in a relationship when we are not getting what we need or put into it.
In my situation I do not have to deal with any physical abuse. I have a husband who says he loves me. I am finally coming to realize the things that I want and need are what most healthy average couples do strive for....but in our case instead of him working with me, most times i feel he is actually making it harder. He does very little to help me with any housework or laundry even though he is now home all day and I still work full time. We both need to get healthier...as I am determined and was working hard on this ..feeling better not only physically but finally regaining some confidence and self worth again.
I wanted someone that i could care and share all this and a healthy attraction and sex life with. When i am just starting to get what I want (not with the help of my spouse but with others) and as long as I do stay I have no chance of feeling that touch, connection or pleasure.....
Aside from the fact that after 15 years it is comfortable and I do know what i can expect .....I believe it is more scary to start all over and be worse off or fall back into feeling that i don't deserve happiness......Is that what is keeping me here?
What keeps you in your situation?
I always had this theory that if two givers would form a relationship it would be the perfect one, but then one day it dawned on me. That is highly unlikely to happen do to what attracts people together in the first place. I have seen it so many times that I cant count them all. The givers are attracted to takers and its most like a co-dependent relationship.
I can only speak for my self here in relationships, but I have noticed the pattern. I give, I give everything I have and do for my partner all I can. I am the guy that cooks, cleans, works full time and Overtime, dose the yard work, fixes around the house, fixes the cars and trucks, takes my lady out when there is money to do so and buys cards and gifts not forgetting important dates, and try's to be always supportive of her needs, wants, and desires. I am also very affectionate and complimentitive.
Do get me wrong here I am no where near perfect and I have my flaws also. It took me years to be able to even think about my good quality's as I always though I was not good enough. I also started seeing the pattern of women I was dating and then started realizing why the relationship didn't work out. See being a giver and the way I am I wanted to always help and had this night in shinning armoire issue going on. I wanted to be the everything these lady's never had. Well the joke was on me. See just as I was attracted to women I could give everything too, they were attracted to men that would take everything from them. They may have enjoyed my company for awhile, but then there was not really the challenge that they wanted. I think its something deep inside a persons genetic make up or maybe even a learn trait over time as we grow up looking for acceptance.
I hope my babbaling helps make others think about why they allow them selves to suffer at the hands of others.
we all were looking for a white knight.....too bad they didn't have Onstar back then. haha
Nevertheless I am buckled and trying to enjoy the ride.