Okay, here goes!  I have some unusual life circumstances which has put me in the company of a number of men. Two of them I am attracted to...and I've kissed both. I want to have sex with both. The first one is a quirky, creative, somewhat juvenile sweetheart of a guy. He's a recovering alcoholic.  (And a very nice kisser.) The second one is mysterious, aloof, chronically severely depressed (and takes 2 meds), recovering alcoholic/drug user. He's handsome and (I think) unattainable. They're both 41 years old; I'm 44. I got out of a nearly 5 year relationship in November, with someone I thought I'd be married to one day.  Right now, I'm not working and the stress is immeasurable.

I asked the first guy if he would be okay with a NSA situation. He seemed surprised, but agreed. I want to have sex with him, but haven't yet.  The second guy stayed with his ex-wife, recently left, but still goes to her place because he has his things there.  He's kissed me a couple of times, but his most important focus is getting his meds to work. His depression is bad...if the last piggyback drug doesn't help, he goes on to the next drug, and then ECT. He's only been on the piggyback for 8 days or so. I don't know if the drugs allow him to feel any emotion or even a sex drive. He flirts, he's kissed me...but we've not spent much time together.

First guy found out about second guy (and they know each other), got very upset, and is now having a hard time. He has a drink, but promised not to again. I want him to not fall off the wagon, for him--he has so much potential!  Second guy doesn't know what's going on. I always assumed what would happen between he and I would be casual, because of his personal circumstances. I don't think he has any feelings for me besides sexual attraction...and frankly, I question that.  All 3 of us just want company, companionship, closeness, and sex. I'm lonely and, quite honestly...horny. I haven't had sex in about a year.

I want to sleep with both men, but the second one I want in a different way. The first one I think I'm sexually compatible with, but the second...I want to just...crawl into skin. There's something about his vulnerability, paired with unusual good looks, that makes me want to...possess him. I don't even know if he really wants me, or is just going through the motions just to feel something. First guy wants me to himself. (I don't mean that in a conceited way.)

So...sleep with both (if I can) or only one? What if I choose the wrong one?  There's much more to the story, but I've limited time and I'm really tired, not to mention, holding some things "close to the vest".

Any advice..?