Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

4,510 Members
18,215 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Healthy Sex Support Group

Teaching an old dog new tricks

vvvanilla
vvvanilla

My Husband and I lived together for three years before we got married, ( we got married two weeks ago). He wants me to say things to him when we are having sex or playing, he likes spanking and such but i am not a talker when having sex and it embarrasses me to say the things he wants me to say. He doesn't seem to understand that this makes me uneasy and then i don't enjoy what we are doing. This is not something new, he has been trying to get me to do this almost from the beginning, i am just no good at it. My question is will i learn to say these things and be comfortable doing so or is it something that just comes natural to some women? To me it is just so hard for me and when i do say something it just sounds silly to me because it is forced. 

mkelley15
mkelley15
It definitely doesn't come natural! I am not a talker during sex either, but I've had to learn to be honest with my husband and tell what I like and don't like. That doesn't mean I'm not still embarrassed as hell, but every time I speak my mind, the sex is hotter for both of us.

I've asked my husband to do things for me that I'm sure makes him feel uncomfortable, but he'll do a little for me and then I do a little for him.

Let your man know that it makes you uncomfortable, but also know that in a relationship, both sides must do for each other.

So try out some hot sex phrases, embarrassed as hell the whole time, but he'll enjoy that you're pushing your boundaries for him. He'll respect you and love you more for it. Check this site out, it helped me learn some sexy phrases, that I couldn't come us with by myself (my brain goes eeekk! when I try to make up any lol): http://badgirlsbible.com/dirty-talk-phrases

In that same sentence, don't be afraid to ask some things of him. Marriage and relationships in general are a two-way street. Both parties should know that there will be give and take and compromises. But don't give up everything for the other, that's not far to either side. "Be 2 individuals who decide to make other a better version of themselves."
Emerald0743
Emerald0743
I get embarrassed too. I think its because when I was younger I tried dirty talk out of curiosity and the guy I was with didnt like it and told me dont do that its not cute. it was hard enough to get the courage to try it and then to get shot down was mortifing Maybe you can start with some less intense frases like that feels good. or you feel so good you know something a little less vulgar I know for me its the vulgarity that is kind of embarrassing but I can do the yeah right there and Mmmm and stuff like that. maybe you can try some dirty texts I think its easier to text uncomfortable things than say it outloud build up the sexual tension beforehand
vvvanilla
vvvanilla
i really appreciate the advice. I am trying to start with little things. I want to make him happy, i love him so much. He did tell me the other day it wasn't fair of him to try to change me.