
Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

koolman
Serious topic here, folks.
I watched my brother die of cancer last year, and it took its toll on me--I feel like I have spiritual cancer now. I've found it very difficult to ignite my heart and enjoy what life has to offer, including and namely sex (even masturbation) since. I can get there, but it takes longer and is really a struggle to maintain my once-raging erection sometimes! My brother had so many heartbreaks in sexual relationships that a part of me thinks sex combined with unrequited love with women who drained his energy for their own emotional gain equals death. I know that's not the case, but a part of me really thinks this is the reason he got sick and passed away. Now, every fiber of my being screams for this very type of amorous attention, as part of a healthy relationship, yet I fear the same untimely end, so I've found it very difficult to allow myself to be completely vulnerable with anyone.
I wish I were already in a relationship when my brother passed (I'd be able to lean on my girl...hopefully...for emotional support while trying to satisfy her needs), but my last GF and I fizzled out...I think because I was smothering her with too much intimacy and she simply looked at me as entertaining sexual diversion from her boring life (we did some fun stuff sexually). So now I'm starting fresh, but have yet to meet any woman who I completely mesh with. Anyone else...similar situation? Has grief damaged or tainted your spirit in your relationships?
I watched my brother die of cancer last year, and it took its toll on me--I feel like I have spiritual cancer now. I've found it very difficult to ignite my heart and enjoy what life has to offer, including and namely sex (even masturbation) since. I can get there, but it takes longer and is really a struggle to maintain my once-raging erection sometimes! My brother had so many heartbreaks in sexual relationships that a part of me thinks sex combined with unrequited love with women who drained his energy for their own emotional gain equals death. I know that's not the case, but a part of me really thinks this is the reason he got sick and passed away. Now, every fiber of my being screams for this very type of amorous attention, as part of a healthy relationship, yet I fear the same untimely end, so I've found it very difficult to allow myself to be completely vulnerable with anyone.
I wish I were already in a relationship when my brother passed (I'd be able to lean on my girl...hopefully...for emotional support while trying to satisfy her needs), but my last GF and I fizzled out...I think because I was smothering her with too much intimacy and she simply looked at me as entertaining sexual diversion from her boring life (we did some fun stuff sexually). So now I'm starting fresh, but have yet to meet any woman who I completely mesh with. Anyone else...similar situation? Has grief damaged or tainted your spirit in your relationships?
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Best of luck
Raven
No thanks needed you asked for an honest answer and I hope thats what I gave you
Good luck!
Your friend,
Lisa
abusehurts
Lisa: It's been a year, the hurt has subsided somewhat (last year it was all so incomprehensible that a strong human being could whither down to nothing in a few months), and I'm starting to see things in the healthy perspective you described. I find myself being a lot more emotionally raw now than I was, which is good and bad, good in that I'm fearless now and not shy around anyone, bad in that the hurt and anger still returns sometimes, and I don't really want to expose anyone to it. I find myself overreacting to things that are really boring and mundane--all I need do is relax and sink into the menutia of everyday life as before, without getting greedy and expecting some excitement or attachment that is not there. Generally, I do see people clearly now as they are, not for what they can do for me. There are certainly a lot of sweet people around who want to open up to me the same as I do them. God bless for joining Hospice--it takes a really special person to do that. That is a job that I don't think I could do at this point (it's all still a bit too raw); maybe in a few more years...thanks, sweetie. -Mike