Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I read so many posts about the importance of having a sexually compatible partner when it comes to having a healthy relationship. So members of this forum even espouse the idea of dumping a partner if the partner doesn't deliver the goods.
So, what would you do in the following situation? You and your partner have a wonderful relationship, equally yoked in all important matters - emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual, spiritual. Then, due to accident or illness, your partner can no longer perform to your specifications sexually. They aren't able to give you the requisite number of orgasms per day, week, whatever.
Do you stay in the relationship, or do you look for another partner who can give you sexual gratification and satisfaction?
Do you throw the baby out with the bath water?
So, what would you do in the following situation? You and your partner have a wonderful relationship, equally yoked in all important matters - emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual, spiritual. Then, due to accident or illness, your partner can no longer perform to your specifications sexually. They aren't able to give you the requisite number of orgasms per day, week, whatever.
Do you stay in the relationship, or do you look for another partner who can give you sexual gratification and satisfaction?
Do you throw the baby out with the bath water?
If by choice and not due to illness/injury he just decided to no longer give me what I need sexually, then yes it would be a deal-breaker. I would also let him go if I chose to no longer satisfy him sexually. My and his sexual satisfaction is not based on X amount of orgasms, it's based much more on our sexual wants and needs.
I think successful relationships are about mutual benefit. Sometimes, individual sacrifice is necessary for the success of the union.
Interesting scenario, think I answered,this a few years ago on the B&D board.
I was lead to believe in my last marriage, that this was the case, a back injury that required multiple surgeries for my ex, cut sex nearly completely out of our marriage. I took steps to lessen her pain, learned somethings that helped her comfort level a lot, even some massage techniques that gave her satisfaction without sex. Meds and financial circumstances were ultimately the demise of us, however, thanks to the numerous photos she imadvertenly let me find, her sex life rebounded miraculously, lol ok ok, im rambling
point is, when two people are synced as you describe, I believe it is in the best intersts of both to seek as much knowledge, learn as many ways possible to keep that fire going in hopes that time will bring back fulfillment in every aspect. I never once comsidered stepping out on the ex, lived in a basically sexless marriage way to long for my liking. Probably would still be there had I not found out of her indiscretions. With her, I stayed, now, im not sure. The want is still strong, the need is still strong, the desire is still strong, but the heart has grown jaded, still, if in a committed relationship, I would hope I would stick, work with my partner to find a reciprocal plan of action for making sure we both were content in all manners
If a partner chose (made a conscience decision) to withhold affection and intimacy, both emotionally and physically, would that be indication of greater underlying problems in the relationship?
I guess what I am trying to say is that I find it difficult to understand that someone in a healthy loving relationship would wake up one day and say "I'm going to detach myself from you" for no apparent reason. I believe there would have to be a much bigger issue at hand, one which may be a deal-breaker if unresolved.
In a situation where there is illness/injury, distancing emotionally could be due to him no longer feeling like a "man" or the illness/injury affected him emotionally which is understandable but I would expect him to get professional help to deal with it so he can be emotionally healthy and doesn't continue being distant from me. If he refused psychological help or refused to work on the emotional end of it, it would be a deal breaker for me.
I am not a fan of suffering when one does not have to. My points were extreme cases and I am sure that most illness's do accompany bad behavior. I would not want to be left if I had some illness that took away my abiltiy to enjoy sex with my partner. I could still be intimate in other ways.
I hope that made sense and sorry for the typo's. I am banging this out on my Iphone.
Marriage vows say "in sickness and in health", so I'd stick with my partner through the sickness.
This is wishful thinking, but maybe, if SHE loved ME, SHE'D encourage ME to get my physical needs fulfilled elsewhere for awhile, returning to her after to nurse her through her sickness. I'm probably dreaming, of course, because this probably wouldn't happen. And, if I loved HER, I'd probably feel too guilty to enjoy myself elsewhere anyway.
That's coming from someone with a mega high sex drive.
1.) If you are if with your lover because of a deep abiding intimate love, you do NOT just up and leave because you are unhappy with your sex life.
2.) You DO however work with what capacity your beloved still has (even if its just mostly mental ability) to fulfill both of your sexual/physical and spiritual needs which all relate to physical intimacy. Sex is not static, its dynamic it can and WILL change over time and so will your love for one another.
2 1/2.) I can think of about a million or so different sexually-emotionally intimate things I'd love to do with my future mate. I can't for the life of me, imagine that all those wonderful possibilities could be wiped out in an instant, unless of course they actually died!
Z.