It is very frustrating. I suspect that this change occurred following the hysterectomy. To help you understand, this can do to a woman what a bilateral orchiectomy can do to a man. Some people want to seek medical help, e.g. hormonal supplements, some people don't. It can be very frustrating because on the one hand, it is the person's own body, but on the other hand there is a marriage partner to consider.

My wife has low desire and has been offered treatment e.g. hormonal therapy which she has declined. Its not like cost is a factor - we live in a country with universal healthcare and we have a good supplemental plan so cost of medication is a non-issue. It is a choice. She does not feel desire and she does not miss it. She is happy with a low libido. I cannot make her. Although it affects me I have to respect her choice. Initially I was frustrated and angry. Over time I got over it. There was a specific turning point. I had to re-direct my sexuality in a way compatible with marriage. I cannot turn off my sexuality. I have to deal with it, so I channel it in a way that does not tear a marriage apart. She knows I masturbate. She knows I sometimes refrain from masturbation for periods of time to have wet dreams. She knows I use toys. She knows I use online visual and literary stimulation. She knows I will chat with people of either gender who live far enough away there is no possibility of meeting.

I mentioned a turning point. That was where my wife and I had a discussion. I told her I needed sex but loved her and was committed to our marriage vows. We discussed options. There were a lot, some unacceptable to one or both of us. We decided to officially have a sexless marriage. This completely took sex off the table, it was not to happen. We started with a trial period - I wanted 1 year, she wanted 5 years, we settled for 2. It went really well. Since sex was off the table - not allowed to happen - she was now comfortable with intimacy short of sex - kissing, cuddling, being together. We grew closer - romantic but not sexual. While we were not like husband and wife in the typical sense we were well beyond roommates or brother and sister. Getting the emotional connect back made me feel a lot better and her too, as she had been racked with guilt.

After two years, we agreed to make it permanent.

It is not perfect. But I have a deep romantic relationship with my wife as well as a deep friendship. And, I get my raw needs met.

I don't know if we are at that point yet, but I admire your dedication to one another. When yall did have sex did she enjoy it? My wife always enjoys it. We use toys in foreplay and she told me that I am the only one that ever found her g spot and made her cum on the inside . I have been with two other women in my life and I must say she is the best lover I ever had. We have just changed insurance and she says when she finds a doctor that she is going to ask the doctor about libido enhancers. Its not just the martial nature its also the other things we used to do like baths together, holding each other naked. She used to be the chaser she would have sex everyday and sometimes twice in one day. I think she might still masturbate . I hate to be so blunt.

I would be interested and hearing a woman's point of view on this . I am sure their are women out there that have issues with their husbands that are not sexual anymore.

My hubby is the one with the lower drive and it can be quite frustrating. His drive was never really high but when we first met we had sex a couple times a week. We are now once every couple of months and every now and then he surprises me with more but not often. Sex was not our only issue though, he is not great with communication and that was a real issue for me. I use to use sex as a way to get close to him but after awhile I was tired of being the pursuer and I shut down a bit. With more freedom after the kids grew up, I want more and he’s happy with every now and then.
I don’t have any answers for you, I too am trying to figure this out. Wishing you all the best as you go through this.

Years ago when we did have occasional sex - say 4 to 6 times per year, she seemed to enjoy it. At first I would bring her to 4 orgasms but after a few years she only wanted 2.