Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
Ive been with my wife for ten years. Married for 8. We have four wonderful children, one that she had before we met. When we were first together she was quite honest about being abused when she was young and had trust issues, especially in relation to sex. I was gentle and patient and she opened up to me, we had a great sex life. There were weeks she wanted it two or three times a day. It seems like the more children we had (all planned, best sex ever when your actually trying to make a baby by the way), the less she wanted. Now our oldest is 11 and our youngest is 5. We had two miscarriages in a row so she is afraid to get pregnant again. I offered to get snipped but her doctor recommended she get an IUD, in case it was depression from the miscarriages. One year later and we now have sex once every few months. She will not allow foreplay or sexual play of any kind. The sex is her on her knees and elbows with her but in the air, no sound or movement or reciprocal touching from her. She won't go to therapy, puts up a wall of silence whenever I try to talk to her about it. We cuddle nearly every night on the couch and watch shows we both like, which I sincerely enjoy, but also arouses me with my hand being the only relief in sight. I love my wife, my kids, our family unit, but I have a growing resentment toward her over this. Am I an assshole? I really need some constructive advice because at this point I don't think I could turn down an attractive woman hitting on me, and being a well built 6'2 blonde fairly well spoken man, that is not beyond the realm of possibilities.
Not sure if you have heard of him, but I wish my H came to me honestly before he decided to find someone else to help him where I wasn't. Good luck
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8120_sex.html
Is she stressed/depressed at work/home? Those can also be a big factor of not connecting. She sounds like she really needs to seek therapy. Have you offered to go with her? She's got to start opening up to you so that you can stay afloat in the marriage because right now it sounds like you're slowly sinking and you're even slightly thinking of someone else throwing you a life preserver. Hopefully she'll come around real soon!
Sounds like she needs some help- so that you guys as a couple can heal. Im a bit different though. With my depression, sex is the only thing I find joy in. If I don't have it, I get more depressed.
Have you read the book about the 5 love languages? Some of the folks here have talked about it before, and I finally went out and read some of it. It does make very valid points- If you guys love in different ways, she may not be interested in sex anymore because she doesn't feel loved. (not that you don't love her, you clearly do...) but just check out the book. It may be helpful.