There is no easy way to say it. I'm a 50 year old man who has been married for nearly 15 years, and I have never had sex with my wife.
We dated for a year or two and had some romantic evenings that involved touching and light sexual foreplay, but i was determined that for once, sex was not going to screw things up for me. we would wait for marriage. we would do it right.
i told my fiancee that while i was fine with taking it slow, a normal, healthy sex life was important to me. In my younger days i could never seem to find sexual balance. It was rampant sex or none at all....living like a monk or living like caligula. I was hoping to get things right in my marriage.
It didn't take long to realize that we had a problem. At first, it was physical. she had pain when we tried to make love, regardless of how gentle or prepared we were. After that, she lost interest in anything physical. no romanic kisses or cuddling. no sexual touch of any kind. Years went by,
since then she has treated for her physical pain and we have been in couples therapy...all to no avail. She simply doesn't desire me as a man. She doesnt crave any kind of physical attention beyond a hug now and then and a peck on the lips before bed.
I have been told in the past that I am, or at least was, a passionate and attentive lover. at first, the lack of sex was difficult. I felt hurt, angry and horny as hell. Over time, that part of myself began to shrink and ice over. The sharp pain of silent rejection became a dull ache and finally, a sad and distant memory.
I love my wife and we have a good life in all other respects. I tell myself that we are simply living with a disability, as many other couples do. I tell myself that to truly love someone is to accept them and that this is the "for worse" part in the "for better or worse" vow we took. True love demands sacrifice, otherwise it isn't love....
But there is still a part of me that aches to be desired, wants to be touched, wants to be seen as a man in the eyes of a woman. It's about sex, yes, but it's more about missing the romance and the intimacy and the passion that comes with sex. That moment where the world falls away and there is just the two of you...that knowledge that there is a side of you that only your lover will see and experience. connection.
The question now is whether i can live without any of that for the rest of my life. A part of me says this is what true love demands....but another part wants to be touched and wants to feel alive again, even if it means my marriage must end. What do you do when a relationship is too good to leave but too bad to stay?
Has anyone else experienced this? Advice?
Hello, I am new here but hope you will accept me in this forume even though I am a lesbian and was married to a woman. I hope you can understand that my pain has been just as hard and I truly need support. I am having a very hard time moving on and I put everything I had, emotionally, financially into my marriage (we were married in Cananda 2006.) I guess I want/need to know how we pick up and...