Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
So most of you know my situation from past posts. To be so blunt I haven't gotten laid in 7 years. I've been married for 5 and with him for 8. He denies me any sex, and pleasure. I don't think he can get or maintain an erection and after surgery to remove a benign growth his healing is done down there...no more excuses. We barely kiss or have any intimacy even in terms of cuddling and holding hands or a hot make out session. None of it happens.
I've decided to leave him, not solely based on the lack of intimacy but there are other factors such as alcoholism, chain smoking, he doesn't take care of himself, financially we have nothing, he's verbally abusive etc etc.
Ya why am I still with him? Because I love him though I'm no longer in love with him. I worry how he will get by and what might happen to him due to a pretty crappy past and childhood.
Anyway I digress....I've met someone, not here but online and he makes my heart flutter and wants to please me in every way. Essentially I'm asking what your take is on me cheating. I still consider it cheating even if we aren't divorced yet. This guy is totally willing to just cuddle and spoon and give me a massage no sex if I'm not comfortable. I've been sexting and we've sent each other nude photos. Talking for awhile. Essentially I'm already cheating. Some of you have said that you think I'm a saint for putting up with no sex. Well I want sex frankly and ya it might be wrong but don't know what to do.
Please don't judge, any advice is appreciated
I've decided to leave him, not solely based on the lack of intimacy but there are other factors such as alcoholism, chain smoking, he doesn't take care of himself, financially we have nothing, he's verbally abusive etc etc.
Ya why am I still with him? Because I love him though I'm no longer in love with him. I worry how he will get by and what might happen to him due to a pretty crappy past and childhood.
Anyway I digress....I've met someone, not here but online and he makes my heart flutter and wants to please me in every way. Essentially I'm asking what your take is on me cheating. I still consider it cheating even if we aren't divorced yet. This guy is totally willing to just cuddle and spoon and give me a massage no sex if I'm not comfortable. I've been sexting and we've sent each other nude photos. Talking for awhile. Essentially I'm already cheating. Some of you have said that you think I'm a saint for putting up with no sex. Well I want sex frankly and ya it might be wrong but don't know what to do.
Please don't judge, any advice is appreciated
It really depends on what you consider cheating. I think that what makes cheating wrong (and this is just my opinion), is the emotional trauma is could potentially inflict on the cheated. I am going to leave it at that--leave it open. I think it's something only you can really discern.
I was married to a woman who used sex as a control over me because of my strong sex drive. If I went out with friends or when I went to practice with my band she would text me and say "if you stayed home you would have gotten laid. " If you are not happy with what you h Ave now it's best to end it before you move on, keep your self respect, if this other guy is really the right one he will understand and wait for you. If you want my personal opinion, he might just want the excitement of being with someone else's wife. Please be careful, and get yourself in a position in your relationship to do what you know is right.
Yes, you're cheating, but that's secondary (yeah yeah, throw rocks at me for saying that). My bigger concern is you've been in a sexless relationship for so long you are going to jump in, and go bat-shit crazy over new guy.
A HUGE point to remember is that he's a pretend internet person. He's going to be absolutely PERFECT because it's online. You don't see the day to day shit that would make you insane, and you will ignore the red flags.
Be careful with new guy.
I wish you the best.
You will still feel the guilt after it is over because (1) you are not divorced; (2) you are still in love with your spouse; (3) the only bond you have with this other person is the physical draw.
I'm not judging - but, just know, you may be physically satisfied (or not) but you will do some massive mental jumping jacks.
Fasten that seat belt...
I'm definitely fragile no doubt about it and I shouldn't be doing anything. Thanks for the thoughts and input.
At the end of the day it's just sex and I would feel awful going through with the actual act.
Best of luck, hope you find true happiness!
I could write a book here but I stayed with her until the last boy & his girlfriend moved out, then I left her not long after that.After I left her & Before I divorced her she married another guy, she claimed she divorced me, it never happened. But she did marry the guy by lying on the marriage app. a few months after they married he got 20 yrs. in prison , I guess for murder ?
My point is if your marriage is totally dead I think you can feel free to move on before the divorce , as long as you let your new mate know you're still legaly but not emotionaly tied..
I was doing that with women I was dating, My wife at the time was moving all over the state & eventualy other states, not staying in one place long enough for me to find her