Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
During every wedding ceremony I photograph, I hear the pastor say something like "men submit to their wives and wives submit to their husbands the way Christ loved the church". A lot of truth in that. Is this spirit of submission (in the hopes that you'll get what you need from your mate) the secret to success in a relationship or marriage?
It seems a woman wants a man who is A MAN (i.e. strong, physically powerful and sexually potent), yet, who has a heart of love FOR HER. It's a very tricky balance and is very difficult for me to be all that, but, God, I'm trying...
In my personal life, I met someone whom I feel there might be something there, but she was very aloof to me (didn't trust me because I'm much bigger and probably physically stronger than she is--and maybe I came off a bit cocky and eccentric)...UNTIL I opened up and talked with another woman (whom I'm not physically attracted to but found some friendship comfort with) about my dear departed brother who passed away, which is a sore spot in my heart that still hurts. Then this first woman who I found hot gleamed with pleasure, because she'd seen that I have a heart. But I feel so weak and vulnerable in that state that sex is the farthest thing on my mind! How the hell am I supposed to service a woman's sexual needs when I feel so fragile I can't perform?
I guess the secret is to forget about sex and just try to be friends with every woman I meet, even if I find her hot...it'll all fall into place given the right amount of quality time and some deep conversation with someone when we get closer and closer...getting to that point requires me providing a comfort zone, for her as well as for myself (God-knows I get nervous around a woman I find beautiful). Being able to laugh at myself would probably help too-?
This is probably the eternal question LOL
It seems a woman wants a man who is A MAN (i.e. strong, physically powerful and sexually potent), yet, who has a heart of love FOR HER. It's a very tricky balance and is very difficult for me to be all that, but, God, I'm trying...
In my personal life, I met someone whom I feel there might be something there, but she was very aloof to me (didn't trust me because I'm much bigger and probably physically stronger than she is--and maybe I came off a bit cocky and eccentric)...UNTIL I opened up and talked with another woman (whom I'm not physically attracted to but found some friendship comfort with) about my dear departed brother who passed away, which is a sore spot in my heart that still hurts. Then this first woman who I found hot gleamed with pleasure, because she'd seen that I have a heart. But I feel so weak and vulnerable in that state that sex is the farthest thing on my mind! How the hell am I supposed to service a woman's sexual needs when I feel so fragile I can't perform?
I guess the secret is to forget about sex and just try to be friends with every woman I meet, even if I find her hot...it'll all fall into place given the right amount of quality time and some deep conversation with someone when we get closer and closer...getting to that point requires me providing a comfort zone, for her as well as for myself (God-knows I get nervous around a woman I find beautiful). Being able to laugh at myself would probably help too-?
This is probably the eternal question LOL
Thanks again.
And yes 'Ya Gotta keep on keepin' on'
"It seems a woman wants a man who is A MAN (i.e. strong, physically powerful and sexually potent), yet, who has a heart of love FOR HER. It's a very tricky balance"
I think you hit it completely right here- for many cases- and I think this is a big cause for high divorce rates. There is a lack of trust and "submission" (I dislike the word, it's been bastardized over time) to each other. The man must be sexually potent and manly and whatnot, yet able to let his guard down with her and be "weak and vulnerable" also. Women should be the same way- strong, feminine, loving, yet also be a leader, strength, foundation to the home and family.
I think we miss our on both sides. We feel the need to be one or the other.
Yes, I think men and women need to talk about what their "roles" are before they even jump into bed, much less a relationship or marriage, but it just doesn't happen. And there needs to be quality time to be dominant and then submissive, but, with dual jobs and trying to raise a family, that doesn't happen either (hence the high relationship attrition/divorce rate). There's got to be some time-structure to the whole thing. My schedule is so random and chaotic that I wonder if I'm ever going to be relationship or marriage material, but, gotta talk about all this. Good points! Thanks for opening up.