What's keeping you in this marriage for so long without sex? I don't just mean the whole act of it, but no touching of any kind? Sure you can masturbate and achieve one on your own, however it feels REALLY good with the one you love. I don't know how old you are but it comes down to are you willing to be in this marriage and settling for what you want/deserve/desire to continue not getting it.

I did say for better or worse....so I have struggled with guilt over this for awhile. I am at a point where I am slowly mustering up the courage to get out of an unhealthy marriage. I have tried to explain to him why I am unhappy . He is perfectly happy...but that's because I do everything.

I am looking at another birthday in a week...I am 55 now. (Augh....I can feel my depression pulling me further down) I lost a cousin a year or two ago who was just 2 years older. for me, that was kind of my wake up call....

Do I really want to waste the rest of my life "settling" for no affection, communication, help of any kind, encouraging words (instead discounted and sometimes ridiculed) NO I don't.

PS In all fairness I have gotten an occasional peck here and there. ( In the past 6 months I did get 2 playful pats on the butt.......only because he was smoking up the master bath as I got out of the shower. I backed right in front of him as i was drying off to see if I would get that much)

All the women in my family wound up this same way...giving all, being taken for granted and accepting the fact that this was it for them..
Why should I be any different or dare to want more?

Sure it's possible, if mentally you don't put any priority on the Big O. Touch, sensuality, stimulation, maybe a few mini-Os along the way...

Since you ARE focused on the Big O, we are each responsible for our own orgasms, make YOURSELF have one, with the assistance of toys. Learn how to please yourself. If I had a vagina, I'd be stuffing it regularly.

Thanks. I have been working on and finally getting past some old hang ups. (brought up to feel guilty, dirty and ashamed for even thinking about sex) I am in the process of changing meds (for one with less sexual side effects)

Recently (thanks to a supportive friend) I feel as though he did flip a switch . Suddenly, I am wanting, needing and missing that connection. I am discovering I do have a passionate, curious, naughty side too. There is so much I never dared to even think about.... Now I just want to open up, share and feel what I was missing all these years.

You are right... I have focused too much on the end result (making another possible road block in possibly achieving it) I am learning to take more time with the touch...sensuality... TMI....I do have toys (Sadly I am wearing them out like old shoes. My second rabbit is on "life support" lol) Truthfully this sucks to be left with just me and toy......hubby nowhere to be found.

I totally understand the for better or for worse, however IMHO the worse entails the spouse with an illness or something, not from not getting the affection, etc. that you need/want/desire. You're still young and you deserve 100% happiness not 1%.

I'm a bit worried for you when you said, "All the women in my family...why should you want more..." First of all this is about YOUR life not theirs. My sister is the type of woman who feels she has to have a man in her life at all times, even with a married man that yes divorced his wife, but is still an a$$ because for the past 16 or so years she allows him to treat her like s**t! So trust and believe I don't allow that in my relationship now.

I also am interested when you said, "PS In all fairness..." that isn't how he should be showing you affection, so no it's not in all fairness, IMHO.

Yes we're in charge of reaching our own orgasms, however a true/loving partner will make sure you're satisfied as well. My fiance always make sure I get mine before he gets his. You shouldn't have to be going through vibrators like water, or if you are y'all should be working together with the toys.

Thank you for the kind words. Actually he does have health issues. He has been home and on disability for the last 2 years. the thing is...he is capable of (and should be ) doing more to keep active. Because I have continued to do everything (including when I ask but get no help) he has gotten even lazier than before.

You mentioned both using toys together... I did actually mention that but since he has no interest and this lack of sex, physical touch and connection is not a concern for him he thinks it should be the same for me.

I was shut down for so long....I think he wants things to stay that way.....but for me that is not enough.