Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
women, would you at least try it? just for the sake of trying new things, or for your significant other's birthday, or for lobster?(maybe it's just me, but i'll do ANYTHING for lobster)
or would you never ever ever do it no matter who you were with?
or would you never ever ever do it no matter who you were with?
Not a big fan of it. It doesn't do anything for me.
Anyway, I usually want it when we are doing it doggie style. So I've done it many times before. It's all about what kind of relationship I'm in also. I'm not going to do it with just anybody. I don't know how that makes sense but it seems...um special. LOL
With the right partner, yes you can.
I had the same experience and am now able to have anal sex (on a limited basis) and not freak out. Took a long time, but it's something I enjoy every once in a while.
i enjoy quiet abit. ^_^
Time Required: Anal sex requires time, a slow build up, and a sustained period of arousal.
Here's How:
Whats My Motivation?
The only reason to want to have anal sex is because you want to have anal sex. If youre feeling pressure from a partner or based on some idea of what a hot and healthy sex life should be, forget it. Anal sex can be perfectly safe and highly pleasurable, but if youre the one being penetrated and you arent turned on and completely into it, it could turn out to be neither. There may be lots of reasons why you want to do it, just make sure you know at least a few of them and they dont all have to do with someone else.
Anal Play vs Anal Sex?
Usually when people think of anal sex they think of penetration. This is but one part of anal play. If youre not interested in penetration, it doesnt mean you have to ignore the entire part of your body. This whole area has been largely ignored for its sexual potential. The bum, the anus, and the rectum are all sites of enormous potential pleasure. They respond to feelings of touch, pressure, movement, and can be incredibly pleasurable. Here were talking about anal penetration, but theres much more to explore without going inside.
Do Some Homework
There are some great books about anal sex and several educational anal sex videos, plus most sex manuals include a chapter about anal sex. Learn the basic parts of your anal anatomy including the sphincter muscles, the anal canal, the (male) prostate gland. Theres nothing like a hands on education, but checking out the road map first might help you orient yourself a little easier.
Practice When Youre Alone
Before you have anal sex with someone else, try it on your own. Even if you arent ever planning on being penetrated by your partner, knowing what it feels like, and getting a hands on education with your own anal anatomy will go a long way when you start doing things to someone elses body. Anal masturbation can offer a fabulous education on how our bodies respond to anal stimulation. If your own anus is in reach, check it out first.
Talk With Your Partner
There are lots of ways to surprise your partner in bed that theyll love. But surprising them by trying to have anal sex without talking about it first isnt one of them. Anal sex requires the receptive partner to be very relaxed, feel safe and comfortable, and trust you to not make any sudden moves that will hurt them. This means that anal sex requires good sexual communication. If youre not comfortable telling your partner you want to try anal sex, you may not be ready to have anal sex with that partner.
Anal Sex Safety
Everyone involved should know the basics of anal sex safety and how having dangerous anal sex can hurt your body. Always use condoms and gloves for anal sex, and have plenty of personal lubricant on hand to replenish during the sex play. If your anal sex involves sex toys, understand what makes a sex toy safe for anal use. Taking the previous steps will not only make anal sex more pleasurable, itll go a long way to keeping everyone safe psychologically and emotionally, and making anal sex more pleasurable.
Work From the Outside In
Start by exploring your partners entire backside with your hands and fingers. Massage their bum cheeks and once youve got your gloves and lube you can start gently touching and massaging the anal opening. Dont rush to penetration, and dont stampede to the anus. Instead pay attention to how their body is responding to different kinds of touch. Try a circular massaging motion with your fingers or gently knead the skin and muscle underneath. Take note of where they like to be touched, and where they can handle more vigorous stimulation versus a softer touch.
Pushing Not Poking
Never force a penis or dildo into the anus. Using what you learned during your solo anal exploration press the tip gently against the anal opening and wait for your partner to relax and let you in. Keep stimulating your partner at the same time with your hands or with a sex toy. If youre having anal sex with a woman, providing clitoral stimulation is a good idea. Pay attention to how youre partner is moving and move with, not against, them. Once your partners sphincter muscles relax youll feel yourself being drawn in. Let yourself slide in only as much as your partners body allows.
Just Be There
Once youve penetrated your partner for the first time, dont immediately begin thrusting or even moving very much at all. Just take a moment to feel what its like and to let your partner get comfortable with some penetration. Dont forget to keep other kinds of stimulation going (talking, using your hands, using sex toys). If youre partner is moving their body you can gently move with them. Unless they know how deep they want it, dont try to penetrate them deeper until your both turned on even more.
How to Move
Once youre both comfortable begin to experiment with different movements. Start moving slowly inside of them trying both in/out and side-to-side movements. Pay attention to how their body is responding to your movements (also, you can ask). When you find something that works for both of you begin to ramp up the intensity slowly. Anal penetration is not like vaginal penetration and it has to build up slower and may never be as vigorous. If your partner is unsure you can ask them to do the moving and at first keep your body still. You can also suggest they be on top.
Anal Sex Positions
Anal sex is a much slower kind of penetration play and requires a longer period of intense arousal. Changing positions can mean a break in arousal that gets in the way. But for some people changing an anal sex position can really bump up the heat, or provide more physical comfort and greater range of motion. There isnt one perfect anal sex position. If you enjoy anal sex the best thing to do is experiment until you find one, or a few, that work for you. Here are some examples of popular anal sex positions.
Check In Often
Be sure to check in with your partner often during anal sex. You can do this verbally (is that good? Do you like that? Do you want more, less, different? etc) and you can ask your partner to give you feedback without you asking (more, slow it down, lets try this, etc) You can also get a lot of information from whats happening non-verbally with their body. Are they tensing up? Are they moving more? Is their breathing becoming heavier, deeper, shallower? Are they getting wetter? All of this information can help you get into a rhythm with them and speed up, slow down, or keep going.
Sex Toys
Anal sex toys can be a great way to explore anal sex. Its usually a good idea to let the partner being penetrated play with the toy on their own first so that they can help their partner know what they like and how to use the toy. If youre having anal intercourse involving a penis an anal sex toy may be less useful. But using a vibrator to add stimulation for the partner being penetrated an/or the partner doing the penetration is a great idea. Because anal sex requires a slower build up and sustained sexual arousal hands can get tired, and a vibrator never does (although motor can burn out).
Cleaning Up
Even if you dont see it, fecal matter and bacteria can and will be spread if you touch anything after touching the outside or inside of your anus. You should never move from anal play to vaginal play without washing carefully first. Bacteria that live happily in the anus are not happy in the vagina, and can cause serious infection. Below are some tips on cleaning up after anal sex.
Tips:
Taking Off the Gloves
Avoid touching the outside of the glove you used to touch yourself. To remove your gloves, put a clean finger under the cuff of the glove and pull it down and right off your hand at once, so that the glove turns completely inside out. This way you wont come in contact with any part of the outside surface of the glove. If both hands are gloved, wash your hands carefully after removing your gloves.
Cleaning Sex Toys and Lube Bottles
If you touched your bottle of lubricant with a glove that had been inside you, wash the outside of the bottle carefully as well. Try to avoid touching the cap with the same hand you are using to touch yourself as the cap is often a harder part of the bottle to get clean. The easiest way to keep anal sex toys clean is to put a new condom on the toy each time. If you have silicone anal toys, you can boil them in water for 2 to 5 minutes. Remember to wash your hands after cleaning toys and lube bottles.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/analplay/ht/anal_sex_how_to.htm
First Time Anal Sex Questions and Answers
One of the biggest obstacles to safe and fun first time anal sex is the amount of misinformation out there about anal sex. Its hard to enjoy yourself if youre worried about searing pain, mountains of fecal matter, a lifetime of incontinence, or what your sexual activities may or may not mean about the rest of your sex life. The good news is that anal sex can be completely safe and very fun, with no ill effects, as long as you do it properly. Here are answers to some of the most common questions about anal sex from first timers.
How Do I Tell My Partner I Want to Try Anal Sex?
Does It Always Hurt?
Does It Make Me Gay?
Does Anal Sex Cause Bodily Harm?
The Most Important Part of Good Anal Sex
Theres one thing thats more important than anything else if you want to have safe and pleasurable anal sex. Lubricant is important. Having protection like gloves and condoms is essential. But the number one thing you need if you want to enjoy anal sex is desire. You have to want to have anal sex and be excited about learning about it before you do it. You can have doubts or concerns. Theres no way of knowing youll like it until you try it. But if you dont really want to try it, if youre just going along with a partner for their sake, its going to be a whole lot harder to have it safely and to enjoy it. Because anal sex requires you to really relax, and to listen to your body, if you arent motivated to do those things (and desire is a great motivator) you should think about waiting or just doing something else.
Much Ado About Poo
Few of us are raised with positive feeling about fecal matter and coming into contact with a bit of unwanted excrement is a common fear for people who havent had anal sex before. The truth is that unless you go looking for it, or intentionally make sure its there, there isnt a lot of fecal matter involved in anal sex, but there is a little. The rectum and anal canal are not a storage space for feces, they are a passageway. So if youve had a healthy bowel movement that day, and do a little external wash up (maybe put your finger inside your anus a little way while your washing), there shouldnt be more than microscopic fecal matter in your rectum. If this is a concern for you, read more below. If you or your partner think its more than you can handle, you may want to hold off on the anal sex for now.
Anal Sex and Feces
Talking With Your Partner About Sex
No Drugs, No Alcohol or No Anal Sex
This is not about morality, its about health. The fact is that you can more easily hurt yourself having anal sex than vaginal sex, and one important way to keep yourself safe is to pay attention to your body while having anal sex. If you feel pain, you need to slow down, add more lube, talk a bit with your partner and/or switch up what youre doing. But if youre drunk or high youre less likely to notice pain (or you may be more likely to ignore it). Its probably not realistic to think that youll only have anal sex when your stone cold sober, but the first time you have anal sex, and the first time you have it with a new partner, its really important to be able to feel your body.
How Drugs Affect Sex
Sex and Alcohol
Start with Your Fingers (That Means Your Fingers)
If youre going to have anal sex with someone else, I highly recommend you try it on your own first. Whether you plan on being in front or behind, knowing your own anal anatomy, how it responds to touch, and how it feels to be penetrated anally, will make you a better anal sex partner. Anal masturbation is also a good way to give yourself space to discover other anxieties, concerns, turn ons, etc as these may come to mind when youre by yourself. You may find you dont like taking it but you do like dishing it out. Regardless of whether you ever want to do it again, trying it once on your own is a good first step.
How to Tips for Anal Masturbation
Lots of Patience, and Lots of Lube
After desire, the two required ingredients for every anal sex encounter are patience and lubricant. Forget everything youve ever learned about anal sex from pornography (none of it is representational of good sex and most of it is dangerous). With anal sex you have to start slow and build slow. And you have to use a good quality lubricant suitable for anal sex, and reapply lube during anal sex.
What Lubricant is Good for Anal Sex?
How Do You Do It?
The problem with telling someone how to have anal sex the first time is that its easy for them to think this is the only way, or the best way, to have anal sex. Theres no one way to do it, and the best way can only be figured out by you and your partner. But before your comfortable enough to improvise and try new things, first time anal sex can be a mystery, so here are some guidelines and tips for the first time, along with recommended resources for even more tips.
How to Have Anal Intercourse
Anal Sex Videos
Anal Sex Books
Anal Sex Positions
First Anal Sex Without Second Thoughts
Its not realistic to think that every sexual experience you have will be one youll treasure the memory of forever. Many of us live with some sexual regrets. But there are things you can do to reduce the chance that your first time having anal sex will be one youll regret for years to come. Worrying about sexually transmitted diseases or other negative physical consequences is a great way to reduce the pleasure you can get from anal sex. And anxiety about performance or expectations about earth shattering orgasms can also take away from the fun and pleasure. Plan ahead on both fronts and consider the possibility that if you cant talk to your potential partner about these things, or if theyre unwilling to talk honestly with you about them; they may not be the right person to be having anal sex with. Also, even though lots of people have their first anal sex following the use of some drugs or alcohol, if youre goal is to have pleasurable, safe, and fun anal sex youre better off not being high or drunk the first time you do it.
http://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/a/first_anal_sex.htm
well i think it's all about who you're with for you to want to do or it not. trust is definitely important.
thanks for the info, mercedes! i definitely like the checking in part. that's what makes any type of sex feel safe for me, because i know my boyfriend cares if i'm in pain or if the position is awkward for me.
You dont like my hung like a Buck Gerbal!