Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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veggiequeen 06/13/2017

I am new here and could use any help or advice anyone has to offer.

I am 55 and have been married almost 15 years. My husband has not touched me for more than 10 of them. i can't tell you how hard it is for me lately.

I never expected to find someone...always took care of othersat the expense of myself. i did not move out or even have sex with anyone until i was 35. Then I only did with 3 men.....not exactly a glowing sex life. Hubby and I did for the first couple of years. he is diabetic with high blood pressure so it was with the help of a little blue pill but it worked. We didn't have it often but we did have that connection. he had surgery and things changed. He said things were different and he no longer had any interest .

I was always self conscious and (because of things that have happened) resigned myself to the fact that all the women back to my grandmothers have settled for unhappy marriages.... I did say for better OR WORSE. So for these past years I have been trying to get by and going through the motions....with absolutely nothing to look forward to

someone started chatting with me from a zillion miles away. He convinced me that I am attractive, sexy, compassionate and smart.....and I deserved to be treated better and be happy. He allowed me to open up and as a result I have shared more of myself (good and bad) than i ever have with anyone else. He also gives me more compassion and support than my own husband and accepts me as iam.

I have never truly experienced real passionate love....where someone could not wait to get their hands on me and mine on him.....or my body tingles just with his touch. I want to feel that and share that with someone. I am now thinking about it ALL the time.

I am wearing out toys....read a post about surrogates (think I would grow attached though) and texting of what I do imagine.....but that is it.

PLEASE HELP.....I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.......

geoyur77 06/13/2017

If the reason for husband being non active is medications that I think is not uncommon. I have been told high blood pressure pills kill all sex drive. If that is the case then he is telling the truths, he has no interest. So then it would need to be a negotiated trade of services. You meet his need I.e. Make dinner and he meets yours I.e. 30 minute massage and he operates the toy. That's from a man's perspective. See how long he likes PB and J sandwiches for dinner. It does not have to be the worse, it could be the better

veggiequeen 06/13/2017

Before with the help of Viagra or Cialis all was good. Then he was circumcised (after an infection). After that he said things were not the same...some discomfort...no desire. (he did say he would check into if all was ok but didn't.)
I do like your suggestion but he knows I already will do for him. regardless of whether he does anything for me or to help me. I actually kidded with him about the toy but truthfully I am self conscious about someone watching without him getting anything out of it . thanks for the suggestion

Gregp136 06/13/2017

I am so sorry. But we are not living in your Grandma's time. We are living in your time. Do not give up on life's pleasures.

veggiequeen 06/13/2017

Trust me... I don't want to. I am only just rediscovering how much I do want this again. But should I feel guilty......or what if he just doesn't want to be bothered?

lvplay 06/13/2017

Go to counseling. First alone. Then as your sessions develop, you and your counselor could decide on a plane of action. Please don't get bad advice from people that don't know you, your husband or your situation. Believe me, I understand.

veggiequeen 06/13/2017

thank you to all who did offer advice or support. It has helped me just realizing there are others dealing with this too. (If we only had a magic wand)

lostsoul72 06/14/2017

I feel for you and understand your feelings which I feel you have every right to open up with your husband and share them. Then you can make the decision to either move forward with your own life of take other avenues. I am not a person to condone affairs, but I understand how miserable a relationship can be if your needs are not met and you are the one always sacrificing for someone else. So many people get complacent in relationships and just let day to day take over and before you know it your looking at a stranger in your bed.

If I had to guess I would say that maybe 1 person out of 100 online people are completely open and honest about everything in their life. I warn you not to let your guard down so easily as there are a LOT of sick individuals out there wanting to find their next victim also. It is sad that the world has come to that. I am not saying that the other 99 people are dishonest, but they will be not telling you something about their life that could be important. So please be careful!

Best of luck!

veggiequeen 06/14/2017

thank you for your concern. I am a very trusting person and I am learning as I go that I am sometimes too gullible. My husband keeps telling me this over and over as well

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