It honestly seems like his obsession with his "kinks" is worth more to him than your relationship. Depending on how long you 2 have been together, I would recommend either some couples counseling, or potentially breaking it off with him. It's ok to have kinks (don't get me wrong, I think everybody has something "weird sexually" that they enjoy) but when it negatively affects a relationship, that's when it becomes an issue.

We've been together 3 years. And we live together. I doubt he'll go to counseling with me because he doesn't ever admit his problems or seek help for health issues let alone relationship issues.

I can't leave him. I love him. Plus I'd have no where to go. I don't make enough money to support myself alone.

He's addicted to porn. Need to get him off of it because it will only get worse.

Also set boundaries. It's ok to be kinky and such as long there are boundaries in place.

If he hasn't the control and where with all to know better, then he's definitely in need of some form of counseling and or therapy. He has to be able to want a recovery form these destructive obsessions. Remember that just because you love him, you still need to have your needs met. This situation will only get worse without some form of help that he accepts and sticks with. Otherwise you will have to find a way to move on without him. It will be bad enough if he destroys his welfare. It would be beyond tragic if it happens to you too. Please try very hard to get him to listen. And please please please always be mindful of your own welfare & happiness. All the best to you.

He obviously doesn't want to 'talk ' about it.

Can you write to him either email on paper ,ect. Tell him how you feel.
Maybe agree kinky about once a week or a couple times a month,
but go back to more 'intamate' sex,
That way he can still be weird but you get what you need too.
It'd be really different if he preffered hand over puddy,
not the norm.

Thank you all for your advice. I have talked to him since I posted this. I brought up couples counseling but he immediately refused. He is too scared to talk to anyone about it in fear of being judged. He said, "I'd sooner throw away all my things and never look at porn again than talk to someone about it."

Although that idea sounds great to me, I know him going "cold turkey" will not help. he kept saying over and over that he doesn't want to give them up, that he likes that stuff and it's a part of him. He said for me to ask him to give it up is like him asking me to stop liking girls (I happen to be bisexual). Even though I don't obsess over girls like he obsesses over his kinks, I got the point of what he was trying to say.

He also mentioned that my sex drive has decreased since taking anxiety medicine and that my health issues that cause me pain during sex has really deterred him from even attempting. He said you're either in pain and bleeding or you lose the mood too quick. I didn't realize that it was affecting him so greatly or that I have been having health issues for so long. (It really didn't seem like it's been months!)

Anyway long story short he decided he'd rather be with me than have his kinks and be alone. We agreed to tread lightly with indulging his desires. And we also agreed that I would see a doctor to try and fix what ever issues are causing my pain during sex and see if I can do something about my sex drive.

I believe that your boyfriend, as you have described him, is to be considered a sex addict. A sex addict can be defined as anyone whose sexual preferences and practices harm or put either themselves or others in danger. I would say that he is harming himself with his inability to have a normal relationship. I would say that he is hurting you with his inability to be honest about his addiction. Furthermore, I would suggest that you begin to set rigid boundaries that have consequences, and be prepared to follow through with those consequences that you set out. Porn is NOT a part of us, and it is NOT normal to be viewing it every day. That's an addiction. Curiosity, okay, I get that. But when his girlfriend desperately wants to make love to him and he ignores her, mistreats her, and would rather beat off to a fake image on a phone, then whether he cares to admit it or not, he is a SEX ADDICT, and it is a must for your relationship to succeed that he seek help/treatment. Two resources to start you off: yourbrainonporn.com and saa-recovery.org so start there, and if he won't change, you might have to prepare yourself for the worst.

The simple fact that he "deflected everything" as being your fault honestly screams "abusive relationship" to me. Maybe not physically abusive, or emotionally abusive, but sexually abusive (just not in the terms you usually think of). He's not willing to admit that he has a problem. He's only willing to think of "his problem" in terms of "how you cause it". I'm sorry, but this is throwing up tons of red flags in my mind. Don't stay in the relationship just because "you don't want to be alone". Don't stay in the relationship because "you've been together a long time". Only stay in the relationship if you think that you two can both work on whatever issues you have and come out the other side as better people. If you don't think that's possible with him (which judging from what you've said so far, seems like a high possibility) then you need to get out of that relationship.

Fading he does deflect a lot. In all discussions he does, not just this one. He just gets overly angry and defensive. But he is trying to work on it.

We make each other happy and neither of us are perfect. I love him and he loves me through everything we throw at each other.

What he said about me was true. And he understood how his kinks are affecting me. We'll get through this.

You're 24. I take it he's about the same age? If so, young men are dogs. Being a young man once myself, I understand his "kinks". At 3 years into this relationship, you guys are way past the "honeymoon" phase, and obviously "normal" (whatever "normal" is) sex doesn't do it for him anymore. But a RELATIONSHIP, if he wants to be in a relationship rather than being a hound chasing a different woman every night for sex, requires understanding and honoring YOUR feelings as well.

I don't know what his "kinks" are. Maybe he's only into giving you anal now; maybe that's all that gets him hard. If your anus is tight, of course anal sex hurts you, and he has to understand this. It's not all about HIS pleasure. I don't think there's anything medically or psychologically wrong with him. He just sounds like a typically horny dog of an early 20s male.

Koolman, it's not like that. His kinks mainly focus on submissiveness. It's just gotten way out of control. He doesn't oogle after other women. Trust me, he's not a typical "twenty-something" horndog haha.

And I have a medical condition that is preventing me from having sex without enduring pain. I'm looking into solving it with my doctors.

Ah, sorry, my bad. So he's into the whole BDSM thing, role-playing, gimp versus dominatrix or powerful alpha-male versus soft female sex slave, or alternate the roles, and it's more the head-games that are driving you nuts? Who does he want to be submissive, him or you or either depending on the mood he's in? It's like "why do we have to role-play?" "Why can't we just be ourselves, give and receive power freely, and have that be enough?" Is that how you feel? I'm trying to understand.

Sorry about the medical condition. Yes, that would put a damper on two people's sex life. Hope medical attention cures it.

Koolman, sorry I'm being vague. If he ever found out I'm online talking about it with strangers, he'd never forgive me. It's embarrassing for him.

He likes to be submissive. I don't mind playing a dominant role, but it's the way that he chooses to play the submissive role is what bugs me. And how much he obsesses over it.

I like role playing. I think it's fun but I don't like where he takes it sometimes.