Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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dsf95 02/20/2015

I feel like my sexuality is messed up because I'm an incest victim. I have arousal issues, I guess a mix of fear/ desire. I guess in my core, I don't feel that having sexual desires for lots of people is wrong. If I spent a few days with an attractive guy, I would start feeling like a newlywed on a honeymoon around him. And I'm married, so this is a problem.

I had an inappropriate relationship with a coworker, we flirted too much and I felt like I was in love. I felt more attachment to him than with my husband, it's like a delusional state. Nothing happened, but it was unsettling. How can I have a job if I always end up in that pattern? It's hard to live like this.

Bubbabiker 02/21/2015

Why not rekindle the fire with your husband? And put all that loving energy towards him.
Have you communicated this with your husband?

weather 02/21/2015

I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I am not perfect either. My wife has just told me she isn't interested in sex anymore. I do love her..but i too miss the closeness. So every now and then..u go see a gal who spanks me..sits on my face and performs oral on me..it's kinda like a business arrangement..gut it keeps me from getting tied up with somebody emotionally.

dsf95 02/21/2015

My husband and I have a good sex life... Maybe this an emotional thing, too, like attraction is how I feel connected. I don't know how verbalize what I feel...thanks for the replies

renaissancedragoness 02/22/2015

Maybe you love flirting at work because you are physically not going to have sex during work? It feels safer that way maybe? Maybe you want to feel desired even if you don't intend on it going further. In any case it sounds like you want to do things to boost your sexual esteem.

At one point I was feeling similar to you (though I wasn't abused) and what I did was buy a dvd of Carmen Electra teaching strip tease techniques. (My husband didn't know I was learning it). I wanted to spice up our relationship and it was clear he wasn't going to. Anyway it worked! It boosted my confidence and the surprise proved to be what he needed. This taught me the importance of spontaneity, at least his need for it. Good luck

DarkGypsyG 02/22/2015

you say your are an incest victim? that raises a whole bunch of red flags. incest especially at a young age is abuse. sexual abuse. that will mess you up really bad. most strongly in the areas of relationships and emotional attachments. i gently urge you to talk to a qualified professional about that area of your life. scary as it is a lot of that questions you have may start answering themselves.

dsf95 02/22/2015

Wow, dark gypsy, gee, sorry to raise "red flags." I'm a walking red flag and I let it fly. So, you don't think I've talked to a professional? They just put me on a bunch of drugs and that didn't solve anything. I can't take psychiatric drugs because they will mess up my leg with horrible vascular problems, I almost got where it would have been amputated on the drugs. I have to bike every day just to be a normal weight.

It is not my fault I am an incest victim. Where is compassion? Is there an incest victim college fund? Does anyone give you a balloon or greeting card when it happens?

dsf95 02/22/2015

Sorry for the sarcastic rant, thank everyone for the replies

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