I hunger for the same. Not been on my mind lately. Too much going on. Guess I will bet out B-O-B soon. After it is a holiday weekend.

Mary I miss the good old days when you didn't need a life history and bloodwork to even kiss somebody. SAFE sucks. :(

Kim you are a smart lady...Im sure things will work out. YOU WILL KNOW if its right or not. Is he clean hair nails clothing does he have class. What type of.bacground what type of work does he do. DIVORCED ? WIDOW? Children college educated? YouDONT DROP YOUR DRAWERS AND JUMP IN BED WITH ANYBODY. Hell he could.be real nut job. It may take a couple dates. before your comfortable...then the sparks will fly Otherwise get a male prostitute you pay to play and he will show you all the tricks

@yorman… You are right. Even as long as it has been...I ma not gonna drop em for just anyone. And there were a few I did chat and almost hook up with from the dating site.But one moved so fast he was telling me how to greet him at MY door when he first came... and just what he was planning to do to ( and for) me …. He was one of 2 real nut jobs.

My problem is that I will definitely be asking before anything would happen... but for the most part, if a man who I did believe would tell me he was safe , I would be very inclined to trust him. (Also considering if he had limited partners or none for a long period of time would also contribute to his case. ) A long time back, a friend did tell me also... I need a gigolo. haha. May be fun, but surely not SAFE. haha

Absolutely and you.will find.mr. right but.many frogs before the PRINCE but.you.can still enjoy the rude.:-)

Ride

Sounds familiar. Only I am the guy having your experience. Covid makes it worse. Like you, I am curious and passionate. Not much in the way of inhibitions. Married 30 years, about 13 of those without sex of any sort. My spouse is overcome with anxiety which makes it very difficult for her to want to be intimate. And, I am not wanting rejection, so I tend not to try hard in my approach. Maybe that is self-sabotaging? I don't know. I could have sex every day, and often do. Just with myself. I know what I want I guess, but really yearn for a real female human to share sex with. I would like it to be my wife, but wonder if that will be possible. I think about fwbs, and of course wonder about the covid thing and how long that will last. I wonder if I just grow a backbone and try courting my wife again....

No easy answers I am afraid. Just cope and manage really. Have you made any strides or initiations since writing your post?

Justoneguy... Welcome to DS. As far as an update.... well, I spent far too much time thinking , hoping, wishing, wondering. I decided to finally take a chance and went to meet someone I met online (actually on here, believe it or not.) I have spent alot of time chatting and getting to know many (you will come to know I can be far too chatty... lol)
This one in particular seemed like a very warm, caring man and we were chatting then started calling and got to know each other pretty well in a very short time. An innocent request if I'd ever thought of going to his state... and he caught me at a rather brave and daring moment.

We spent a week together , then back to reality... both of us to work on our lives to get to a point where we want things to be. Did have a little taste of sex again.... but not what I want or need. We do love and support each other... but only as very good friends.

So here I am again... lonely and with that empty ache. For me it does help to reach out and share with others who are also in the same boat. Sometimes just to imagine what we wish we did have.... I was very good at fantasizing, but have my moments lately.

I understand why you gave up trying. Rejection is very hard and tends to kill the little bit of self confidence we have left. (it's very hard to feel wanted or loved when our spouse does not want to touch us) Sometimes I think they do not realize how much it hurts unless we try to tell them. .

It's a tough situation. I would say try to talk with her and explain how you feel. . Feel her out to see where she stands on the situation... maybe she will want to work on making things a little better between you? Or could give or take a suggestion or two?

It gets rough if you explain how you feel but she has no concern or desire to work on things. That is when some anger or resentment may creep in (Did for us bigtime)

PS. Unfortunately, I did have alot of inhibitions and shame initially with sex years ago. Now that I have gotten brave and wanting to explore a bit, I again have to be a bit bolder and take another chance.

I wish you good luck with maybe opening up conversation with your wife.

Hugs , KIm

I take that back...for me it is more than just "wanting to explore a bit". My clock is ticking and I have come to realize how very much I have missed out on and want like hell to experience life.

thanks for your insight. my clock is ticking, too. i dont believe hers is. or if it does, it goes slowly. not fast like mine. for her, it is paralyzing anxiety and the physical manifestation of psoriasis. she is "horrified" by her appearance; her word, not mine.

i should just have a scotch, and initiate; fuck her within an inch of her life. i feel like she would follow if i were to lead. masturbation is so much easier, though; with a predictable outcome: orgasm and blissful slumber. With someone else, predictability and outcome go out the window. I live with both heart disease and diabetes. both conditions and treatments reduce my physical ability to perform. Mainly flagging erection. Orgasm is possible ad typically achieved but can take minutes or hours. That is anxiety and shame provoking on my end.

who would think something so natural could be so complex?

plus, i am very open with minimal inhibition. a hedonist, really. she, a socially and morally ordered individual of biblical modesty. lol

I finally got past the shame and guilt. But I also have a med or two that I think hinders me as well. (anti depressant, blood pressure) My late husband also had issues with ED because of health problems, but we just worked through them initially. (It's amazing what a little pill can do! wink, wink)

But then he just shut down, both emotionally and physically. He was completely content just going through the motions. I am assuming that is how your wife is.? That anxiety, shame, embarrassment on any of us does take a toll. For a woman... not feeling attractive (whether it is too many or too few pounds, , dry itchy , flaky skin... or our imperfect bodies) is just as hard as for a man who is faced with some hindrance due to ED because of health issues too.

In my perfect world... when 2 people care about each other, they understand there may be complications but they are creative, curious and willing to explore options to assist and make things as good as they can be.

(PS Yeah, I'm still searching for that damn perfect world. Not ready to give up yet...lol)

I do have a mental picture and an evil grin here.... just thinking about that scotch and having my brains fucked out.... (With late hubby he would have opted for a beer or a joint over me. Big ass frown here)

I'm wondering if that "courtship" for you two may not help boost both your self esteem and help a smidge with her anxiety?

I have missed out on the sensuality, desire and passion.

It is good to know that there are men out there who still also want and look for their SO to share that. With . I was afraid all would rather give up than even try.

veggiequeen: Deprived. You mean dePRAVED lol?

Yes, "safe" sucks. Can't even BREATHE on each other now due to COVID!

Since sex is largely in the mind (except the physical friction), there's a lot to be said for PHONE sex, listening to each other's VOICES expressing kinky desires and getting each other off over the phone, listening to each other cum!

It's not as satisfying as full-on skin-to-skin exchange of body fluids, but given the dangers, it's a "safe" but naughty alternative!