Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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koolman 11/18/2008

I'm back with the Vietnamese ex, dating, and we get together once a week or so, it's very hot...we're extremely comfortable and loving, we cuddle, kiss and dry hump each other with our clothes on, do everything but strip naked and fuck (which I'd like to do--she's quite pretty).

Know a few other women who might be interested in sex but are much more demanding, possessive, and are nowhere near as softly affectionate and loving (in a non-possessive way) as this woman, whom I'm very fond of on every level except the fact that she'll kiss me but won't go to bed with me.

Is it reasonable or unreasonable to expect everything that we need in one person, or do we require multiple partners to fill multiple needs, multiple "pieces of the puzzle"?

flutterbyfly 11/18/2008

I think you can find everything in the same person. You just cant' settle or give up looking. But am I totally sure everybody finds their one person? Not sure. I know some do. Some are fortunate. I just dont' knwo that I believe everyone does.

koolman 11/18/2008

Thanks, Jenn. Yeah, it's a numbers game, but one of quality too, and each person requires quality time and energy. We've only got God-knows how much time on this planet, so who knows whether I'll have time to find that one person. But I'm hopeful that God, karma or some unseen force will steer me in the right direction. I just try to be loving and leave the rest in the hands of the cosmos LOL.

I am very fond of this woman, so I'm accepting her as a precious gift and am enjoying what she gives me.

deleted_user 11/18/2008

I think we should expect everything that we want out of one person..and have the same respect for the other person to expect everything that they want out of us!

koolman 11/18/2008

Then we can't have it all, I guess. I'm sure I'm not everything she wants either.

deleted_user 11/18/2008

I think even though it's exeptable to expect everything you want from your partner that it's impossible to actually receive that cause no one is perfect and there's always going to be at least one thing on the list of your wants,desires that your partner can't/won't fulfill!

deleted_user 11/18/2008

I agree with Flutter. I found my mate rather young, i met him at 18 but it took time for him to feel like my soul mate and that we were made for each other. I had to train him and teach him what my needs and wants are and visa versa, but it was totally worth it. And im so thankful that we took that time to work out those kinks.
Cause now in many ways we do satisfy each other, other than sexually lol.
So i do not think its unreasonable, just sometimes it will take time and that can be a gamble. But if you both deeply love and respect each other, and tell each other what you needs are (never expect them to just KNOW, doesnt work that way) then it is possible.

deleted_user 11/18/2008

i think it's both unreasonable to expect everything in one partner but i also do not think we need multiple partners... sometimes you just have to live with someone's flaws and accept them as they are (excluding such defaults as abuse, infidelity, ect) if she doesn't want sex then i'm sure there's a good reason.. if you can't live with that, maybe you shouldn't be with her. if she is comfortable, however, with you having someone else and the other person is okay with it as well, then it's not necessarily a bad thing

GZUSthug 11/18/2008

IF YOU MARRY HER, WILL SHE SLEEP WITH YOU THEN? WHAT IS SHE HOLDING OUT FOR?

I'D TAKE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVE RATHER THAN THE ONE THAT YOU JUST WANT FOR SEX.

koolman 11/19/2008

I'm not going to marry her to find out. Judging by her current lousy energy level, our marriage would be dead in the sex department, although she's very passionate about cuddling, which I love.

koolman 11/19/2008

I'd like to add that she's very hot from the neck up, responds very warmly to kissing on the temples, earlobes, cheeks and mouth, having her hair stroked and neck massaged.

When I run my hands down to her tits, tummy, legs or her pussy, she doesn't heat up in those places, so clearly that doesn't do anything for her. Maybe I'm doing it right, but I've tried everything, being gentle and rough. Tells me everything I need to know.

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