Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I am new to being openly gay. I only came out 4 years ago. I found my best friend and husband only a year after, and I felt so blessed. We have been married for 2 years, and I love him more now than the day we got married. I know, it sounds super cliche, but I truly love him; I love spending time with him, being silly, having sex, running errands, doing chores, spending time with family and friends together, all of it. I even love that when we fight, he makes a conserted effort to listen to me, try to understand my position, and he is accountable for the things he does wrong. We aren't perfect, and there is sometimes verbal abuse and extreme defensiveness, but we always resolve our differences quickly, we both acknowledge our wrongdoings, we apologize, and over the years, I have seen a dramatic change in him as he evolves to be a better husband and man every day.
It's not perfect, but it is wonderful, and I am very happy.
Yet, sometimes I feel a yearning for the touch and romance of others. I won't leave my husband; to risk losing such an amazing marriage would be foolish. But I hear on TV, TedTalks, YouTube contributers, from friends, and from others I know about of their experiences with polyamory. The ones I respect the most stay completely committed to their marriage, and only seek to experience intimacy with someone outside of the marriage if and when both spouses are aware, consent, and are emotionally comfortable with it. Openess and complete transparency and agreement are the keys they say.
My husband is opposed to ever seeking other romantic situations for himself. He is an introvert, and he says that he only wants to have that intimacy with me, since it is consuming to try to invest himself that way in more than one person.
I however am a total extrovert, and I love being with people, platonically of course. But I wonder if I also need many people in my life intimately? Or, is it plain old horny lust, wanting to raid the pastry shop only to leave with a belly ache?
That being said, that doesn't mean that your husband will ever be okay with it. It's possible for you to have both, but if he can't bare the thought of you being intimate with someone else, then it will never work. At that point you will have to choose: a monogamous life with your husband that you clearly cherish, but being limited to only him as a partner; or, opening yourself up to the life of polyamory to meet your needs and potentially losing your husband.
All and all, I just think you need to have a really real conversation with him about it. If he is not budging on the issue, then it's up to you to choose if you can be satisfied with just him or not. Your relationship with him sounds great, and it IS really hard to find good people to share your life with. But, there is also someone out there that would support the lifestyle you desire, it's just the question of how long it would take to find them, would they treat you well, if you're willing to give up your current relationship, etc. It comes down to choosing what is best for you and what you think is going to make you the happiest and your life the most fulfilling.