Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I've read articles about how men can be victims, too and they don't get the sympathy they deserve, but I don't know how true that is. I feel that a man not only has more physical strength to fight off attackers, but, because of sexism, is more likely to be believed when he accuses someone.
I remember acting out in high school, trying to get in trouble because I didn't want to deal with being sexually assaulted by my uncle. For twirling my hair and crossing and uncrossing my legs in a desk in front of a guy and writing three notes to him, I was treated like a criminal for two months, bullied, and finally, another popular boy put his crotch on mine in a pseudo abandoned hallway "rape." I was forced to leave the school. I guess I was replaying this whole scenario in the situation with my dance teacher (per my earlier post). I know my feelings are warped, but trying to deal with them just brings me more pain and heartbreak. I will never be inappropriate again; it just traumatizes me more.
I really just think women get the short end of the stick.
I remember acting out in high school, trying to get in trouble because I didn't want to deal with being sexually assaulted by my uncle. For twirling my hair and crossing and uncrossing my legs in a desk in front of a guy and writing three notes to him, I was treated like a criminal for two months, bullied, and finally, another popular boy put his crotch on mine in a pseudo abandoned hallway "rape." I was forced to leave the school. I guess I was replaying this whole scenario in the situation with my dance teacher (per my earlier post). I know my feelings are warped, but trying to deal with them just brings me more pain and heartbreak. I will never be inappropriate again; it just traumatizes me more.
I really just think women get the short end of the stick.
When you "twirled your hair and crossed and uncrossed your legs" in front of that guy in school, did you do so while looking him directly in the eye and smiling at him? If so, no sympathy here for getting expelled, sorry. But I realize you were only repeating behavior your uncle implanted into you as desirable.
Yeah, sexuality can be warped. I see what you're saying about it being harder for people to believe a man can be raped by a woman, due to his superior physical strength. "Coerced" or "seduced" are better words to use, I think, to define how a man can be persuaded into sex. Since a woman may not be able to overpower a man physically, she has to be more intellectually sneaky.
You title it - male vs female rape victims.
You acted act to not think of your uncles advances
you talk about seducing a boy in school and getting expelled. Then you go back to your previous post about some dance teacher.
I don't know where you are going with this. Do you feel men aren't believed if they are raped?. Men are to strong to be raped?
The first dance party I went to, he humiliated me by saying he would not dance with me because of "something else." That reminded me that I was an incest victim and felt traumatizing. I started shaking uncontrollably and he ended up hugging me until the shaking stopped.
I really had liked the parties and came back a few times for the next couple months, but he is the DJ at the parties. I never talked to him or came near him again. He didn't like me being at the parties, I guess. One night in late August, I showed up, and he came out and opened the door angrily. He had a look on his face that scared me and I was quiet for several minutes, wondering what was going on. I smiled nervously, he smiled back in a fake way and opened the door. I came in, waiting for him to talk to me. I felt what I think was his crotch, parting my butt cheeks roughly and coming really close to my vagina, but we were both wearing clothes. I screamed "dear god please stop" and heard him say "it's okay" I just wanted to get away so I just marched into the party without paying. His boss ran over, not to me, but to him!
Ronda Rousey puts me in her famous "arm bar submission hold " ,
climbs on top and forces me to have sex with her.
Sounds crazy but I've had 2 girlfriends that had rape fantasies.
It is possible that you are suffering from PTSD.
However - the world goes round and it is not designed to adjust to everyone's individual emotional trauma and it is unfair to take your own experience and make generalizations about genders and how trauma and sexual affects them. There are no winners in this duel.
I d say if your trauma is this severe, you are not yet ready for physical contact with a man during dancing and probably need tons more therapy. I am sorry that all these bad experiences happened to you. Unfortunately, I have enough experience to understand.
What bugs me the most is your saying " I feel that a man not only has more physical strength to fight off attackers, but, because of sexism, is more likely to be believed when he accuses someone" that just rubs me in all the wrong way. Saying a man should be able to fight off an attacker is like saying a woman deserved it because she was drunk.
Not only that but men are less likely to be believed, which is saying a bloody lot because no one believes female survivors either.
I understand that your experiences with men have left you distrusting them, and I can get behind that. I don't trust men as far as I can throw them but please don't do or say anything that could potentially silence a male survivor. They need all the help they can get.