So I'm new to this group. But I'm at a roadblock and looking for advise. I've been married for 17 years and have 3 beautiful teen/adult children. We've had hard times and great times, but always make things work and won't give up on each other. We are best friends and I can't imagine my life without him. My husband and middle child are ADHD. It's been challenging. Fighting for my child from preschool up to now (grade 10) in school. He was on meds until recently he wanted to learn how to control himself which my husband and I both support. My husband has always refuse to take meds, which is his choice but he's also a narcissist and maybe this is where things started to get foggy. Relationships have there problems and I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy. I've been seeing a counsellor for a couple of years trying to figure out why and what is really bothering me. I was told that I will never be able to change who my husband is and that if I can't see my future and where I want to be that staying with him for the kids sake is wrong and damaging. I'm a strong woman, very independent. I handle almost everything. Kids, home, yard. We own our own business so 99% of my husbands time is concentrated on that. So here is the dilemma. These last few years trying to find myself again looked hopeless. Our sex life depleted until recently I started basically jumping his bones every night. I opened up to him on what I needed and I wanted him to tell me what his needs were. Until a few days ago things were ok, but not satisfying. I came to a realization that I am submissive. I want a dominant husband. I need the desire to please. To be controlled. Surrender power to my husband for my own pleasure. I am a sexual submissive. Looking back I have tried to get my husband interested. Buying toys, bondage, taboo shows etc. He's never caught on and everything I try he basically shames. He is very vanilla, and I think he likes when I'm in control. So I burry it deeper ashamed he won't accept the real me. How do I open up completely to him? Now that I'm honest with myself I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me and had a "aha" moment. I think handling everything tied to our family and home makes me look dominant and it's wore me down. I just wish he would take control in the bedroom so that I can feel wanted and desired like I'm the only one. Like being taken care of. 
I'm at a standstill and don't want to hurt him in anyway. I'm so confused and worried he's going to think I'm messed up.