Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Just Curious?

veggiequeen
veggiequeen

I have been married for 16 years. The LAST 11 with no affection or physical touch (except an occasional peck here and there) Before, if we were lucky we had sex maybe 3 times a month. Even then, he had little desire and things weren't that great. To be honest, back then it didn't mater too much to me either.


After going so long without it, I now often have sex on the brain. (I tried doing like him and completely shutting down both physically and emotionally, but that is no way to live.)  After being around so many unhappy (and some happy, but completely content without sex or that connection)... I figured it was how it was to be . 


I did finally gather the courage to start a divorce. (For me, the trick is to stand strong and continue through with it. ) Stbx is completely content as he just wants a roommate, maid, cook and nurse.  I am tired of giving 110% and getting 15% back.  I realize I want and need more.  In my perfect world, two people should want to share everything with each other... hopes, dreams, fears, successes and most certainly that desire for each other and to make each other happy.


My question... if you are in a sexless relationship (or a dwindling one) ... How often did you used to have...and how much would you prefer?


After 11 years and now at the mercy of my toys... I think if I did find someone special, I may lock him away for a week or so.  After that,I would be ecstatic with twice a week ,I think. 


How about everybody else????

jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
I’ve suffered through peaks and valleys. Relationships are tough. Kids, work, and other things can get in the way. Im married 7 and in relationship 10. It probably has dwindled from 25-30 a month from the hey day to 5-8.
lb7268
lb7268
When I was married, once a month on average.
art4life19
art4life19
I don't live with my husband so we visit each other. When we are together the sex is good and usually a few times a week. I could do it everyday but he has less of a drive then I do so a few times a week it is.
OIP78
OIP78
At my glory times back when we were ok I did it 3-4 times a day. (That’s one of our problems lol). I think is not a number for pleasure. You can do it as often as your body wants. And of course if your partner has the stamina.
stillstanding
stillstanding
I worry about how I'll treat my next partner in bed, will I be too rough, excited or uncaring about what they want just because I'm so anxious? I went so long without real intimacy that now if I get a chance to sleep with someone I don't know how to act. Back in the late 90's we did it 2-4 times per week. The early 2000's saw it drop to 1-2 times per week. By the time 2013 came we were having sex on a quarterly basis. 2016 bought me 0 sex and a huge crush on someone else. To be fair I played a part in the no sex thing by not being confrontational when it first started dwindling.
My body can't handle this anymore, its turned me into a liar by not being able to be upfront with others just so I don't make things "messy". Now at 47 years young I have to change that way of thinking and its not easy.
It hurts but it happened and you are not alone. Have fun when you do get someone and be safe.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
@ stillstanding ...I think because of what we went through...we will find someone who is also on the same page as us. Just imagine if we found another who understood what this feels like to be denied and untouched.? Two caring passionate sexually deprived beings together... Finally able and welcomed to touch, share and explore each other and do all that you both have been craving and missing for SO long.. (Be still my heart! I can stil dream! lol)