Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I had this happen twice now. Once was a guy I wasn't dating, just into. The other was a boyfriend. Soon as my bra comes off they look at my breasts and say, "Oh they're 2 different sizes." I wrote it off both times but it still bothers me. Even though I know most women have different sizes, mine is noticeable.
I haven't had sex or a bf in a few years due to a back problem that required surgery and the last one I had I broke up with bc he "preferred me thinner" and I wasn't as pretty as Megan Fox.
I'm a pretty girl but I'm bigger. I have lost 90 pounds thanks to weight loss surgery. Men aren't the reason I got the surgery. My health and life depended on it. Still looking to lose the last 50 but the back issue and surgery slowed down my progress.
I was down 60 when my boyfriend made that comment about preferring me thinner. He said that because I was finally comfortable enough with him to tell him about having weight loss surgery and that I had lost a lot and would continue to lose. That's when he said, "That's ok. I prefer you thinner." The Megan Fox comment is so stupid. He commented that my roommate had a beautiful dog. I have a dog and jokingly said that you can't tell her she's beautiful without telling mine she is too. That's when he said, "Comparing your dog to this one is like comparing you to Megan Fox." The relationship ended shortly after.
So now I'm getting ready to date again because I'm healthy again (I had back surgery 6 months ago). But if I have one more guy say something about my weight or breasts I'm going to flip the fuck out and throw them out of my house immediately. Shouldn't they just be glad that I let them see me naked? Just disgusted by it.
Also worried about how my back scars will come off. I had a spinal stimulator implant put in before the back surgery that fixed the problem. It failed. It's still in there and not on but the battery is visible under my skin and you can feel it. So not sure how to bring that up just yet but thinking about it. I need another surgery to take it out but as you can imagine, I'm not eager for another. And it's not bothering me or on, just still in me.
So how do I avoid these insensitive comments? I knew my bf for a while before we had sex so I was surprised that he said that about my breasts, esp since he wasn't the first.
Do I have to explain every imperfection? Should I become a nun? IDK.
I think some idiots say crap like that because they're insecure with themselves some sort of way. We're all beautiful in our own way and that's what matters!
I too was worried about scars that I have (especially my c-section scars and little "kangaroo pouch) but hubby just looks at it and kisses it and tells me beautiful! If a man criticizes your scars/weight than yes he deserves the boot!
Hehe I thought about becoming a nun too but then I told myself hell no I need a real one at least every now and again as opposed to just a vibrator all the time :P
PS Don't forget, most men have the compassion of a flea. lol.
DEAL BREAKERS
-Guys who ignore or are disrespectful to their mothers.
---They don't really respect women. They pretend to respect their GF in the beginning but that goes to hell in hand basket when they get to know them better.
-Guys who show a casual disregard for doing the right thing. They don't call you after the first date until they have a wedding to attend and don't want to show up alone. They're trying to get a relationship going with you but stringing along one or two other people in case it doesn't work out. They can never clearly say NO to another woman who approaches when they are with you, choosing instead to 'let them down lightly' or 'leave them with impression they still have chance if things don't work with you'. They've often broken up with an ex by text or done something really shitty to an ex.
---These are the liars, cheaters and abandoners of the dating pool. I try to avoid them, cause if they haven't done right by anyone else, chances are I'm not going to turn out to be the one in a million he treats right.
-Guys who try to develop a quick false intimacy with your my making disrespectful comments about other women. You know, the ones who say "you have nicer legs that our waitress", or "you're smarter than most of the women I've dated".
---He's mentally comfortable comparing one human being to another. That tells me he's depersonalizing us.
-Guys who rush the relationship to intimacy by coming off as head over heels in love or by coming on strong with kissing or sex.
---Let's face it, when we rush to intimacy with someone who doesn't love us, we're setting ourselves up to be disrespected.
---Not because good girls wait, but because it easier for guys to be mentally and physically abusive to women they don't have a strong emotional attachment to.
---And because rushing a woman into intimacy in and of itself is a distinct form of disrespect.
Guys who fetishize something about me.
---You know they guys who want to see my toenails when I've known them a day or guys who want to know if I'd gain a little more weight for the right man. They are just looking to get their fetish punched and they aren't usually even seeing the whole person.
-Guys that are selfish in bed are a big red flag to me and a definite deal breaker.
---If a man is honestly too selfish to see his woman reaches orgasm more than once before shooting his load, that's a sign of selfishness, social immaturity and a casual lack of the good manners we all try to instill in our kids growing up.
---It's a strong sign that he doesn't take pride in being a man or a job well done.
---It's an indication that he thinks women are less intrinsically important than men.
---There is such honesty in anonymity, so I'll just come right out and say it. Women's bodies are not difficult to figure out. If a man can't manage to do so, I worry that he's intellectually deficit (borderline intellectual functioning).
-----For most women sex is an order of operations activity. If a guy fails out of any the following steps, he gets one redirection then he's off my list of potential partners. I'm not going to waste a bunch of my valuable time training guys who can't pay attention long enough to become proficient at what they should have learned as a teen.
1. You begin with the warm up. Light flirting, kissing, touching above the clothing. It's call initiating sex for the totally clueless.
2. You either get a green light or a red light.
-Red like means you stop and back up the heavy machinery. If you get a red light and don't back up, you are overstepping into a sexual assault type situation.
-Green light means you pick a location and let the good times roll.
3. Clothes come off, fully or partially. People end up on their backs or backs get pressed against walls.
4. Things heat up with mouths and hands doing what mouths and hands do when clothes are off. This is the intensive foreplay phase, not the stick your rod in there and go to town stage.
5. When both partners are in a heightened state of arousal, the man usually pushes her into her first orgasm. This sets up both partners for a nice round of pleasurable sex. If you need to understand the mechanics of why this step is critical, google it.
6. This is the actual sex phase. No instruction needed, though smart guys are try different angles as they thrust looking to find the woman's G spot. Heroes in romantic novels are successful 100% of the time. For guys in real life, it kind of a crap shoot, but if he isn't trying, I tend to think he's more interested in his own pleasure than mine.
7. Once both partners have achieved orgasm, it's not roll over and go to sleep time. It's cuddle and compliment time.
Does it go like this 100% of the time. No, there's the quickie, the cowgirl and reverse cowgirl and all kinds of extras, but the fundamentals are always the same: Both partners orgasm and there is some level of interaction afterwards.
I could probably go on and on, but those are the big deal breakers for me. As for the noticeably different sizes issue. I'd just come up with maybe 3-4 pat answers that are all humorous.
Maybe: "Unlike most women, I was designed to offer an option A and an options B. Let's test them both, you can pick the one you're most fond of, and maybe I'll invite a male friend to enjoy the one you neglect."
Or: "Nope, you're absolutely wrong about that. Both of my breasts are exactly the same size. Maybe one of your eyes is bigger than the other and that's what's causing the problem."
If you think about it, you're taking something that's kind of a soft spot and turning it around. I could really have fun thinking up comebacks for the bump in your back. Some girls get all the luck. I'd love to have that anomaly! Honestly, I'd have all my lovers convinced I was part cyborg.
That's the best I've got for you today. Always remember, you're perfect just the way you are!
Soulsearcher83...big congrats to you on your weight loss to date! That is amazing and you should be nothing short of proud of yourself. I too, like anyone else, have imperfections but for the right guy they aren't going to be looked at negatively. The right guy will accept you from the start and that includes flaws too. In terms of your breast size I'd be the person to look at him and say until you have the biggest penis I've ever had you have no right to criticize my goods. Or definitely use some of gutted's responses, they're great! Good things do come to those who wait. I am starting to learn this in my life.
I have levels that guys need to pass in order for me to consider them:
Level 1: Must have a car, valid driver's license, job and not live with mom.
--If you feel on hard times (no job) and live with mom, move out and then date. [Exclusions if you are a caretaker or you were hurt/injured and needed to move back.]
--So many don't even get this far.
Level 2: Must know how to use a phone for talking and be able to converse in person.
--Texting has made us dumber, I swear. I literally put "Don't text me, call me. I don't text" on my dating profile. Guess what they do when I give them my number? I fell into it with a bf and decided I'd just call him. He was CONFUSED about why I called. WTF?? He didn't know how to hold a phone conversation. So that's a no.
Level 3: Must be interested in me for my mind and body, not just body.
--I want to feel sexy but forget hopping into bed right away. Been there, done that. Never a good idea unless you are in an orgy. No comment on the last part.
Level 4: Must be funny, compassionate and have some shared interests.
--You don't need to be the most interesting person in the world but you need to be interesting to me. If you are always bored and expecting me to entertain you through texting, chances are that you are just boring and I have better things to do.
--And if you lack compassion, you're out.
--As you can imagine, about 3% make it this far.
I had to add another after the last bf. You CANNOT be a regular at strip clubs. I am a laid back person and don't mind if my bf goes. But I do mind if he goes alone and chooses to do that over spend time with me. When he traveled for work and visited them, ok whatever. But in town when I'm available? This is also the same asshat that commented on my weight and Megan Fox so obviously he idolized strippers. I won't deal with that again. Sorry fellas, the last guy ruined if for you.
Ok who's next to list? LOL
It feels good to fit into clothes that don't look like a colorful tent. And to walk again. I had trouble walking far when I was heavy. Now it's hard bc of the back healing but before the back pain started and after I had lost only 15 pounds, I was able to walk faster and farther. So I know it's possible and I'll get there again. Especially since I have lost 90 and am not done.
Even if you think there is
I don't know if it's a huge problem get breast surgery
I knew a girl who did that
I nearly had surgery once after a guy did something once
But I'm glad I didn't now as it's expensive painful and there are good guys
If not find someone that has character.
BBW dating app? Because face it any of us over a size 10 some idiots classify us a Big.
Soulsearcher, Gutted is absolutely correct.
You need to vet these guys more thoroughly. If he's checking out other women while you are out on a date, being disrespectful, etc, he's not going to respect you.
My left breast is larger than my right, most women have some sort of size difference.
Kudos to you for taking charge of your health, and make the revelations about your surgeries when you feel comfortable with your prospective boyfriend. Don't be in a hurry to jump into the sack. Take your time and make sure he's not a jerk.
Take care of yourself...and please keep us posted.
Now, don't plan on seeing me naked for a few months. Not until I get to know your character. The ones without it move on quickly to an easier target.
I'm totally using the cyborg thing. But if a guy says anything negative about my body, weight, breasts etc he's gone. If his pants are off, ill pout and say that I thought it would be bigger. Then throw him out. Maybe ill be nice and throw his pants out with him. That will depend on my mood. Otherwise, time to go so I can find better. I am out of patience for boys that pretend to be men. If i can learn to be a woman, learn to be a man and don't call me until you do.
You are on your way, soulsearcher. You are smart, funny, attractive and absolutely deserving of respect! Never settle.