Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
I have been dating a man for over a year. I lived in last November and trying to get this man to have sex with me is the most difficult thing ever. I am divorced and I didn't have this trouble with my ex. All I had to do was touch him and he was ready. This man, when we met, he would say how much he enjoyed sec and how much he liked giving and receiving oral. During the time we have been together he has gone downstairs 3 times and I have a hard time getting him turned on. I have tried everything and I am ready to give up. He can't stop telling me how much he loves me and how lucky he is. He is a good man but I need sex. I think it's me and that he isn't turned on by me. I literally straight out told him tonight I wanted to "suck his d@@@" hoping the little dirty talk would reel him in. Nope. He sighed a happy sigh, rolled over and fell asleep. He talks about how much he likes sexy lingerie so I bought some. Wore it the other night. Black, lacy thing with the lacy undies. He patted my ass and then proceeded to fall asleep. I have body issues. I just don't know what to do. I was seeing someone before him who couldn't keep his hands or mouth off of me and looked at me like I was his favorite snack. I have never been in a situation like this and need some advice. He has issues with severe back pain and is on some strong pain meds and he has a drink before bed to help him sleep. I love him to death.
About your body issues, you had an ex who was all over you and also dated someone else who looked at you like his favorite snack. I don't think there's anything wrong with your body!
I mean seriously if my woman straight told me she wanted to suck mine I would be like here it is. You can have all you want. Better yet do it while sitting on my face.
I know how easy it is to spiral into the "I'm not sexy enough, he must not be attracted to me, it's all my fault" rabbit hole. I am so so so guilty of it, but the problem is usually with the person who is uninterested, and it's not about how they feel about you. My advice is you need to talk to him and NOT in a confrontational way because that will most definitely get him to clam up or never want to speak about it. This is a scenario where a 3rd party would help tremendously and I think couples counseling is the right move here, especially since you are in love and I'm assuming you both want to make this work. Being a man, he may feel shame when you bring it up, so there are ways to not make him feel that way- google is your friend! Your partner needs to know how much this is hurting and affecting you. Right now, he basically has no clue since you haven't verbalized it to him. Talk to him - Kindly - and tell him what you may think would help whether it be therapy or therapy (again, therapy is your best option here).
Unfortunately, my situation has not gotten better but I am hopeful. It usually takes a lot of time and work on their part.
Edit:I didn't mention the medical aspect since all the other replies did. My partner also has medical issues with his knees and ankles but when he's turned on, he's turned on.
I also suggest a consultation with a medical professional to get to the root cause of the issue.