Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Is it me or what?

Ginnyevans16
Ginnyevans16

So I'm 27, I'm somewhat newly married. Ive known my husband for 11 years been married almost 2. Lived together for 3 and some years.  I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship but ours is pretty perfect. Were best friends, were always laughing, we travel and we hardly fight. Great right? Yes, all but one thing.. SEX! We went from several times to like 2 times a month, if I'm lucky. Like I feel like it should be at least a few times a month if not once a week, right? Is that too much to ask lol?  He blames it on being tired from working all day. Okay well I'm trying  to get lucky here playing all the cards and you're tired? He even comes up with excuses like he doesn't feel good or his muscles hurt or something off the wall (which is all bs). I use to brush it off but now I'm wondering if hes losing interest. Like is it me, am I doing something wrong, are you not attracted to me anymore? Like what's up? It's making me feel really bad about myself when I shouldnt. Its dropping my self esteem. It's not like I'm not in shape, im a dance teacher. I mean I'm decent looking. He swears it's not me. But It makes me feel like it is. I mean he barely likes to cuddle. Who doesn't like to cuddle? I thought there would still be major sparks since were young and somewhat freshly married. So my question is, do guys go through this or is it just my guy? Like what are yalls opinion on this? Please be honest lol. 

Emerald0743
Emerald0743
I dont think its you. Maybe he really is going through a lot. I have been in your husbands situation and it really did have nothing to do with my partner I was so mentally and emotionally drained. If hes comming home and just vegging out then Im pretty sure hes being honest if he still had energy to want to go out with his mates and things thats diffrent. If I was in this situation I would try a little TLC maybe a little footrub with a happy ending or surprise him with his favorite meal basically just do something nice for him help him distress and decompress and hopefully he will return the favor
veggiequeen
veggiequeen
There could be alot of reasons and maybe a little truth to some excuses, but there could be other stuff too. A friend's husband had an almost non existent desire or need for sex anymore. After finally going to the Dr, they learned he has low testosterone . For them it was just a matter of a supplement to increase his libido again. Does he have high bp, diabetes or on any antidepressants? All of these things as well as stress can bring on ED. (if that is the case, he may be embarassed. ...especially with you being fit and active)

Just don't let whatever is going on continue to eat at you. I am in another group on here... Sexless Marriage. There are so very many of us struggling from 20s to 70s for various reasons. Some are like you... still having some sex, just not enough...and others are like me have had to go without it for far too long

We have to remember, it is our spouses (or SOs) problem that is causing this rift. It is not our fault nor can we fix it. YOU are still as attractive, active, desirable and all the qualities that you always have been. My thoughts and prayers are with you that maybe you can try to see if you can get him to open up to you... or just talk with his Dr to mention what's going on (or rather, not)
Aawagz
Aawagz
It's not just your guy. Mine uses the same excuse. Tired or stressed. Im 31 and hes 37, he has no issues getting aroused nor do I. We're not married but we've been together about 5 years, 3 kids and we used to have sex regularily. Then it went to a couple times a month, then once every couple months. Now we haven't had sex in 10 months. Between kids and working we didn't MAKE the time for each other and now we're stuck in this rut of just not having sex. And it's pretty frustrating. My self esteem is shot. But I don't even bring it up anymore because he complains that he's tired or 'we're fine', I'm overreacting, we don't have time, blah blah excuse's excuse's. You should really try and talk to him and explain completely how you feel before you get to where I'm at.
jubalpicket
jubalpicket
In the same boat except the situation has spiraled to NO sex at all for the past 4 years. At this point I feel I have voiced my concerns, opened up about my feelings and tried to be as helpful as possible. If he doesn’t care enough about the situation to put in the work to TRY to get to the bottom of the problem, how can he logically care if I find a sexual partner elsewhere? I just can’t wrap my mind around his POV.
koolman
koolman
It might just be too much familiarity from being married. When it was fresh, you guys probably only saw each other once a week when dating, right? Sometimes couples need a week or two away from each other to miss each other so it's hot and fresh again.
Blueangel78
Blueangel78
Time apart will help i think you just spwnd to much time together and not enough time apart to miss each other. And try and spice it up get some sexy nities try bringing him a glass of wine in just your panties try a hot bath and some champagne and then a sexy back rub. Guys need to be romanced to sometimes. Try meeting him at the door when he gets off work in just a sexy pair of heels and nothing else. Gotta keep things interesting and suprise him.
koolman
koolman
I think it's just too much familiarity from being married. Yeah, marriage is comfortable for two souls in love, but it gets a little too comfortable, when you know each other so well that you know how each other snore, know each other's bathroom habits and times for bowel and bladder movements.

I'm of the opinion periodic breaks are needed in a marriage, not break-ups, but breaks, a week or two away from each other every few months. Gives you both time to forget each other's day to day biorythms, miss each other, come back to each other fresh and hot.
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
I went through it. Thankfully out the other side so I can look back with some hindsight wisdom. I just stopped living in the moment and got stuck in the awful rut of going through the motions. That affected my mental health and I started drinking to escape the suffering I felt but didn’t know how to let go. Stopped seeing her as the unique woman she is and intimacy drifted more. Then it seems difficult to get back because that involves looking at yourself deeply. And who does that anymore? Seemed easier to just get a divorce. We even talked about it. Actually that’s what started our journey back together. It opened up discussing what was stuck. Now after 26 years we love eachother more than ever. Wake him UP. Took me half my life to truly understand that the relationship with ourselves and partners is more important than anything else. I mean it’s a freakin miracle/blessing when we look at it right.
IDMIPAGA
IDMIPAGA
Honestly, I had a lot more sex when I was dating someone than when I got married and have been married. We hardly ever do it anymore.