Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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drew4lostluv 04/12/2014

I was with a girl that I cared a lot about for 3 months on and off. After the first month our relationship started going to shit. She would break up with me and then beg me to come back. She broke up with me about 3 or 4 times and I finally had enough. I started to sleep around with some girls that I met on a dating cite. Actually it was the same cite that I met her on. I deeply loved her and I was seeking her affection and when I didn't get it I would sleep with a girl that would give it. Is this considered cheating. I never did it when we were legitimately dating. I did use protection every time as well. I'm not stupid just lonely. I found out that she was just keeping me around until her and her ex got back together. That fucking sucks most of all. Oh by the way I never felt what I wanted with those girls. I only really wanted her as dumb as that sounds. I am the 1 that feels betrayed because she was stringing me around. I don't want that.

shanbanan 04/12/2014

Off and on for 3 months. And you loved her? To me it doesn't seem like she was on the same page as you. She obviously say your sleeping together/dating as casual getting to know each other type stuff. I don't think you were exclusive, so I don't think you were cheating. Did you talk to her? Tell her that you loved her? She might have though you were casual too so it's best to be upfront and honest

drew4lostluv 04/12/2014

There is something else that I forgot to mention. I am a widower. I went about things completely wrong. I felt something that I never thought I would feel that again and I pounced on it. I know that now so I guess it is a lesson learned. I miss being with someone. I guess I need to learn to enjoy my own company before I try to have a serious relationship.

shanbanan 04/12/2014

I'm sorry for your loss. Going through something like that is an emotional roller coaster. You need to take the proper time for grieving and taking care of you before getting back into the dating world. Like you said, learn to enjoy your own company for awhile. This will make it easier and more fulfilling when getting out there again.
Of course you miss being with someone, that's natural, but don't get involved with someone for the wrong reasons. You jumping around, sleeping with various women shows your not ready.
Take your healing time, it will get easier. Hugs and good luck

koolman 04/12/2014

Since you hooked up with other girls AFTER your main girl broke up with you, and since she was using you as a rebound to her former boyfriend, no, you didn't cheat on her.

I too am sorry for the loss of your wife. I too know the hollowed-out feeling from losing a loved one. I know you miss her sweet spirit. Go easy on yourself during this delicate grieving process, and maybe just form friendships with women for awhile. Jumping to and from physical relationships might do you more harm than good.

drew4lostluv 04/12/2014

You are both right and I am working on that. I hope that I can do that. It's funny because I am scared that I won't ever be ready. I don't always want to feel screwed up. I am trying to do better but the fear is truly there.

koolman 04/12/2014

Fear...of death? If so, it's inevitable. It's going to happen, to all of us. Only when you EMBRACE it, and embrace the possibility of love BEYOND death, can you really live and love fully here. Try to relax more deeply when you lay down to sleep at night. Maybe your wife will meet and comfort you in a dream! I had some wonderful, peaceful communions with my dear departed brother in dreams.

drew4lostluv 04/12/2014

No I'm not afraid of death. I am afraid of always being an emotional wreck and I will never be ready for a serious relationship. I want to find peace but my nerves are frayed and I am a nervous wreck doing the most basic things. I actually have a friendly date tonight and I am so worried about everything that could possibly go wrong. I am scared to death that she won't even show up. I will let you know how it goes. I hope that I am worried for nothing.

drew4lostluv 04/13/2014

She didn't show up lol. Her daughter became ill. I understand that but I decided to watch the movie alone. I rather enjoyed my own company. I forgot what it felt like to treat myself to something I enjoy doing.

msmermaid 04/13/2014

Good for you! It isn't easy to be alone. Be gentle on yourself and do more things you enjoy by yourself and learn to be happy in your own company again

deleted_user 04/13/2014

In my eyes it is not cheating at all. If you are off then you can do what you want and when you are on you stay faithful so you have done nothing wrong we all need someone in our life.

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