Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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im at lost here..

weather
weather
we have been married now for 5 years. My wife is a very good looking gal, she just turned 60 and is very sweet with a nice slender body. I have tried to talk to her about this..but she just shrugs her shoulders& says nothing. She is always in work clothes, or barn clothes when she goes to ride, or wears these old baggy sweats and hooded sweater " i call them bozo clothes" around the house. She never dresses up..not even if we go out to dinner. I have a fetish for satin panties, she knows this, but will never just wear them & a bra to turn me on, or, any make-up. When i see a women dressed in heels, garter belt, satin panties & bra & make-up..i just loose all control of myself and it drives me crazy! She will never wear thoses. The last time we had sex..it was only oral and i feel like she wasn't into it. I would rather masturbate by myself. I have a kinky side, but she thinks i am weird. I do love her very much, but i miss the closeness. I have even seen a professional dominatrix, and it was great, and after that i felt better..or more subdued..but dont want to spend the money on thoses things. I can't seem to get my wife to dress up and it saddens me....
montaname
montaname
that's rough. I'd say keep trying. For most women i think it's as fun for them as it is for their partner. Maybe start small with a sexier than usual dress shirt for her and specifically ask her to wear it to a dinner out..getting her used to the idea and the feel of something alluring.

The harder issue is that she thinks you're weird for being kinky ? I hope you don't let that get to your head too bad. Possible she just means she's not comfortable with it...yet. Jeez keep trying there too. A lot of women would find that attractive. Maybe find out what makes her crazy passionate/sexy/horny. There has to be something that stirs that in her, unless she just needs a Dr. or a therapist
koolman
koolman
I'm afraid your wife has succumbed to menopause. Wish I had something positive to offer, but I understand your pain.

My mother (yes, my mother) told me her sex drive completely tanked after menopause. Which was OK with my dad, because his sex drive was gone by that point too. Their biological clocks were on the same pace.
tracy413
tracy413
It sounds as if your wife is a confident woman, and I encourage you to allow her to remain that way. If she does not want to dress up and put makeup on when she goes out, then that should be her choice. This is coming from a female perspective. I would encourage you to talk to her, connect with her on an emotional level. Flirt with her daily. Connect with her on all levels, not just a sexual level.
OkieMan
OkieMan
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. What I'm saying there is, since she's into her riding, how about doing something with that. Like I'm thinking leather chaps. Or some sexy leather boots, with stockings, plaid shirt unbuttoned 3/4 of the way, and of course a cowgirl hat just to add something more to take off. If it's within your budget, maybe add a mechanical bull like the one Debra Winger rode, slowly....very, very slowly, in Urban Cowboy. Yep, I think I'm liking the whole look. If that doesn't work, then there is no hope.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Was she this way before you got married or have things changed since marriage? You said you saw a pro-Domme, is a D/s relationship and/or sex life what you were hoping to have with your wife? I wouldn't say it's definitely menopause since menopause doesn't kill all women's sex drives. I'm wondering if it's just that the two of you are not compatible in your sexual and relationship needs.
whiskeytangofoxtrot
whiskeytangofoxtrot
You did it again Leather. Asked my question...lol.

I want to know if she did that stuff before you married also. You can't expect her to do something, if she's never done before and be upset about it.

You can ask her but its her obligation to do it for you.

And I agree with Okie, if she's into all that riding and stuff, show up in the barn yourself with nothing but chaps on....That will get her attention. :)
weather
weather
Thankyou for all the comments, 50 shades of grey author was on Katie today..she would walk thru every now & then..but took no interest...I would be content to just meet up with somebody now and then..just to "play" with no commitments...just fun. It would have to be somebody i could trust
bluedragon41
bluedragon41
Is there something you could offer in exchange for playing dress-up for you, JUST in the bedroom?

A full-body massage? a special dinner at a really fancy place? Heck, a top-to-bottom cleaning of the house by yourself? a trip to the beauty parlor for a professional hair coloring? I dunno...

Just a thought.