Ok Rebel let me be blunt about sex and women. If your woman doesn't enjoy her body, feel comfortable masturbating...without you around then she's just basically she's one of those women that's just not into sex and even if she is into sex once you marry and you start having kids your sex life is going to drop off significantly for a while. If you're one of the lucky ones after the kids get older she may become more into it again but you'd better prepare yourself for your sex life to have loooooong periods of draught. Therefore I suggest you either learn to be satisfied masturbating or rethink your relationship.

From the other posts, here, no--you're not alone in this. You have inadvertently and perhaps involuntarily joined the ranks of sex-deprived spouses. Welcome to the club!

Dear Heather,

I see from your profile you are interested in lebianism or are thinking about it. Even sex with other men means that you are not ready to commit to a monogamist relationship. Wanting sex is wonderful, but if you marry a man who does not have the same sex drive as you, then it is weight around your ankle and it will sink the relationship. I wish I had met you 30 years ago and we would have had a wonderful time.

In my relationships I have only found one woman who could keep up with me, it was too bad it ended, but sex isn't everything. According to statistics your not even near the peak of you sexuality. Just imagine he will decline in sex drive and yours will keep going up.

Another side might be that you are experiencing a BP surge and the surge will ebb and wane over the years. It is very hard for BP to be faithful, hell it is nearly impossible for norms to faithful.

You could have the best of both worlds and marry and have sex on the side, which is what the majority of people do. You could open your marriage so that both of you have other sex partners, or you could just set down with him and say, "I have needs and I need more from you."

You may have to mature more before you marry. Find out your own sexuality, explore more and find yourself. You only live once and you are young; get the best out of your life.

Hey thanks cottonto, but i do want you to know I AM a lesbian. My fiance is a woman and i have no passion or desire to have sex or sleep with a guy. I'm not sure if you got that in my message or not. But i am aware of my sexuality. I just wanted you to know. Thanks for your advice. Smiles

Relationships change over time, it is inevitable. The only thing I can suggest is to really communicate your needs to your fiance'. Honesty and openess is key. Not all relationships lose their passion or sex, but it will change some. I have been married almost 11 years and still have an incredible sex life with him, it isn't the same as when we first met, but it is still wonderful. Good luck!!

Ok well don't I feel like an ass....sheesh...that's what happens when one assumes...

Thanks everyone for your advice. It has helped me think a lot. I really appriciate it. Smiles

Hey my little Rebel... You are very brave for putting out there your concerns and for seeking help.

There are a few things we need to understand about ourselves to know what to expect in a relationship. One of the most important things is that we are all sexual beings. Some embrace this fact others reject it, the fact that you embrace it shows how truly healthy you ARE!

The fact is though, that we cannot do anything to make someone else embrace it to the same degree as ourselves. Its one of those "compromise" issues that crop up in all sexual relationships. It is normal for one partner to want it more frequently than the other, but then the next bit is up to you.

You see you cant make her want it as much, there is nothing you can do to change where she sits with her sexuality, and her desire for its frequency. Its always important to keep these things open for discussion and it would be a shame if it cant be discussed, but there is only a few options..

1.. you discuss it, and come to an agreement to increaase it to where you would like it... (this is unlikely as most people take a long time to change their needs or desires)

2.. you spend more time masturbating yourself, keeping it interesting and fullfilling with your own fantasies, toys, videos, methods...

3.. you give up and seek it elsewhere.. and this seems like a bad option since you are so deeply in love with the woman you want to marry...

My advice to you would be.. try to talk to her.. and if you cant come to an agreement to increase your sexual acitivity.. then you need to spend more time working out ways to make masturbation just as fulfilling as sex is with her.

I have been "celibate" as such for 2 1/2 years.. I have had my chances to have sex with people, but have chosen not to, I think that if I had trouble fulfilling myself, I would have taken up these offers, but I know myself sexually, masturbation for me is always fulfilling, and though I have my low periods where Im not finding it as fulfilling as other times, I find that the fact that most of the time I dont need another person to fulfill my needs very empowering... would scare the shit out of prospective partners probably lol... but I dont give a damn!!!

I have learnt what I need to make me enjoy sex more by myself... than with another person, and this took a lot of time and practice... let me know if you want to chat about it privately...

Hang in there hun.... explore all the options

Hugs...

Hi Heather-

I am curious here....when you say you cannot "release it yourself" do you mean that you don't find masturbation pleasurable or you just don't indulge?

I am a very sexual being. It has actually increased over time for me, I could have relations 7 days a week and be a happy camper but in my past relationships it wasn't that way....partially my ex's fault and partially mine at times (because of meds I was on I was totally not interested).

Have you talked to your partner about this? What does she tell you?

How long have you been together? Is she on any types of medication or does she have depression or anything that may damper her libido?

I see you also mentioned affection. Has the affection department always been lacking or did she show you a lot of affection in the beginning?

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to throw stuff out there that you may have not thought about or something. I hope you can find some answers and it all works out for the two of you. I have much respect for you for saying you would not go out and find sex elsewhere....kudos to you!!