So all the women I have known who were good at oral sex had some boyfriend in the past who taught them how to do it. They weren't born with this skill, they didn't get it from books or from practicing with a banana.

The only way to solve this is to talk about it. If I were doing something that someone didn't like, or not doing something they did like, I'd want to know about it.

i think def that u should approach this. Of course not netime when ur thinkin about gettin it on. But find the time when u 2 can talk. B totally honest n go from there.

Mayb u could in the conversation say somethin 2 the effect that i like it when u r doin this....... what ever that may b.

satcom, i have 2 disagree with u on 1 thing. i was actually never taught per say, but if u do like doin it. n ur havin probs the only way 2 fix it is practice. if u dont then u cant figure out where ur goin wrong n cant mayb remedy the situation.


but this is me n every1 is diff

I agree with Satcom. I wouldn't come out and say "you give lousy head" but guide her along, tell her what you want her to do. If it's too rough, tell her be more gentle, if you want more licking, more sucking, fondling, etc., let her know. When she's doing something you like, instead of hoping she picks up on your physical indicators, tell her, "oh yeah baby, keep doing that".

I have no problem if my partner tells me he wants me to do something different than what I'm doing or tells me how he likes things done to him. He has no problem with me telling him the same.

The key to a great sex life is being able to openly communicate with each other about your sex life, letting each other know what your likes and dislikes are, what feels good and what doesn't. No one's a mind reader, we're all responsible to let our partner know what we want and need.

I taught a few girlfriends how in my teens a twenties, they were my age or younger, but I am nearly 38, and she is nearly 40. She was married twice, and I guess what hits me is she ought to be better than that at her age, but I also wonder if it is something she just never did much till now. Not sure why, but it seems harder for me to bring up to her at our age than it did for me at 20 to other girls, I am going to have to tell her what hurts no doubt, and I will bring it up at a time I think is appropriate, thanks y'all, hope she don't get her feelings hurt.

Take another look at Leather's post. This doesn't at all need to be hurtful. Get your mind into the space where this is positive. It also doesn't need to be confrontational. Just like Leather said, you can be more direct and verbal about what you like. Instead of saying "stop that", say "do that think where you......".

If you approach it positively, then she can receive it positively. If you approach it negatively, she will pick up on that.

I know, didn't have an intention to talk to her like I said it here, the reason I hope she isn't hurt is because anybody that thinks they are doing something good (with little experience) has a couple of options, receive it well and do better with the advice, or stop it for fear of embarrassment, that is why I asked for advice from a woman, and I appreciate your thoughts on how to approach it like you would want it approached.

if u address this in a manner that says i wanna help the both o us.

mayb it wont b taken badly. if i wasnt makin my man feel good. id def wanna know. n id also wanna know what 2 do 2 fix it

As Brandy said, if my parnter wasn't getting pleasure from what I was doing I would want to know what he needs for pleasure. I would not get hurt, embarrassed or upset about it. He would want to know the same about me.

With me receiving oral or any sex act, I'm unpredictable. At different times, I need things done differently. What he did yesterday that was great, I might want it differently today. If he's not doing what I need at that time, I tell him what I need. He's the same way, he doesn't always want a blow job or any other sex act done the same way every time.

With your girlfriend, maybe what she's doing is how her former partner enjoyed it, it might have been the best BJ for him and since you haven't directed her any other way, she could be thinking you like it that way too. Not all men like things done the same way and not all women like things done the same way.

My stbxh most often liked a real rough BJ, he enjoyed some biting and teeth scraping at times, he loved his balls played with or sucked hard. When I met my partner, he let me know how he liked it. Two different guys, two different likes.

I know what you are saying, I've had my fair share of sex partners, I didn't perform oral sex with every one of them, but I have with at least 10 of them, they all responded differently to different things I did to try and please them, and my GF now loves one thing I do in particular that my STBXW didn't really respond to well. I try to focus on them/her, the breathing, watching their feet if I can for toe curls, waiting for a pelvic thrust or a hand on the back of my head when I hit a spot and way she likes it, just try to please her, and be in tune with what pleases her. Now that doesn't mean that I won't change up to prolong it if I want to, and come back to what she responded to several times before the climax, because I like that too.

I have had a lot of bj's from several different women, all were different depending on the woman of course, but all were pleasurable, and my GF has it in her to give me pleasure as is, then she grabs me at the base and pulls me into her but it hurts, to rough, to tight of a grip, I have lost erections due to the pain, and she repeats it every time. I've never had an orgasm with her while doing this because of her doing that.

As a man............I gotta say that some people are more talented than others naturally. But most people gotta learn through trial and error.
I got a question though. Do you go down on her too? Do you think your doing a good job...........?
Are you sure?

I agree with ya BrianO, some are just more talented than others to suit what toots my horn, but that is the excitement most of the time to me, I am out of control of what is happening, let them do what they want and see what happens.

Yes I do go down on her, that is something that she has not had much in her last 17 year marriage, and yes I do think I am doing a good job. There is another thread here about the subject that I have not posted on, but she is the first woman I have ever been with that "squirted" when she orgasms, and I don't mean a little, I mean I almost jumped back and screamed what the hell the first time it happened, if she doesn't have a towel under her during that you will have to change sheets, and let the mattress dry for a day. She has said it was incredible to her, and the squirt along with her vocal acknowedgement makes it fairly easy for me to see that she did climax, and it is not uncommon for her to climax 3-4 times about 5 minutes apart that way, especially first thing in the morning if she is really relaxed.

Funny thing is she actually brought up the BJ subject last night on the phone after I started this thread, we discussed it and she did react in a postive way about what I prefer, she actually asked me what she could do to make it better, at least I think she is actually reading me and can tell it isn't quite what I like. I told her a few things, and we discussed (jokingly) about discussing it real time in a relaxed way, not the next heat of the moment, but just have some fun and try a few things, will see how it goes.

Talk to her... communication is the key to many many doors. If not used, what are you missing out on?

How 'bout a movie? Or an analogy? Talk to her with a tone that says you trust her to hear you out? Tell her straight up that you love being with her, and you're not trying to hurt her and tell her what you want?

I agree talk to her, however I would do it at another time not when she is going down on you and be genital.