My parents had amazing true love!! It helped me see that my definition of love or understanding of it wasn't what I had at the time! My Mom stood by my Dad's side..at his ugliest. She defended him but didn't agree with him! She took every harsh word, but didn't take it to the heart! She stood by and cared for him in his weakest moments..loving him with all her heart. They laughed together, grew together and stayed together! They fought..and fought for what they believed in! They didn't always agree but they didn't always disagree either! My Dad protected my Mom and was there for her even if she didn't need it! He stood proud beside her..but walked into a room leading the way to make sure she would be safe. He sat facing the main door in a public place so he could see trouble and protect her if needed. He never spoke a bad word about my Mom. Even as a teen..when I would get snotty with her..he put a complete stop to it! As my Dad lay dying from ALS, my Mom would kiss his forehead and hold his hand. Now it was her turn to be strong and protect him! A tear would fall down her cheek..he would try and find the strength to wipe it away not completely done protecting her! Their love was amazing and real! Their love wasn't perfect..nor perfect for anyone else but them! They worked hard to keep it going..and keep it strong! They fought for each other..to me..that was true love!

For me, perhaps it's easier to say what true love is NOT. For a long time I mistook approval for love. Many people in uhealthy relationships fall into this trap. Approval is not love. Neither is familiarity, and again, many people confuse that as well, refusing to let go of a partner simply because they are so used to the person that they can't imagine life without them. It may sound sweet, but it's not love. We get used to our cars, houses, and favorite TV shows and jeans, too, but that's familiarity, not true love.
I suppose the Corinthians passage, "Love is patient, love is kind . . ." is what I would consider an excellent description of what it's all about.

And, just one more gem to consider, a quote that I really like:
"Happiness is finding someone who loves you for no reason at all and then showering that person with reasons."

This is what happens when we have babies, right? Most normal human parents immediately love their newborn offspring, when really, we have no idea what this little tiny person is like. I think it can happen with adult, romantic love, too. Sometimes it's just there from the start, before we've really gotten to know the person, and over time we realize why the feelings were there - as if our heart knew something before our brain did.

It's not stupid at all, and though it would be good on the relationships thread also, it's fine here too.

About the light/dark thing, I can relate to that on both sides. My PTSD has me wanting a bit of light, and science says our brains need dark when we sleep, so I compromise and wear a sleeping mask, a nice black mask over my eyes, so I see dark, but when I need light I just have to slip up up an inch off my eyes.

The sleeping together may not be just about hot sex. It maight also be about the intimacy of nearness, the warmth, being held, the security of it. The spoon position is just, very nice with or without exxual activity.

I'm sorry that they are going through these very difficult times nearing the end of life on earth, getting ready to pass on to the next life. Your father seems so scared that he might go at any minute, and even almost not sure he is still here and having to check.

To me, 'true love' is a commitment to do one's best to work for the best wellbeing of the beloved'. It's not an emotion. True Love is there when the emotions go up, down, all around, and out. It's caring enough for the other person to try to be flexible enough about our own to at least meet them in the middle.

Sometimes the other person just can't at the moment. I was at a workshop once, and played a game. It was a variation of the 'try to make me laugh' game. People were divided up into two lines, and the first person in each line would face the other. One would try to make the other smile, not even all the way to a laugh, just smile, while the other one tried to keep a straight face and say "I love you but I just can't smile". Each person had 3 tries to make the other one smile. So up to three times might hear "I love you but I just can't smile'.

Hanging in there is , to me, true Love

Sparkles, that was an amazing answer. Tore me up it did. Really moving.

Now hand me a tissue please. :')

wow Sparkles, your parents are amazing & this is so sweetly written. Glad that you shared this.

Tossed, I still get confused at how complicated love can be. I'm even thinking that I just want to avoid it. Like maybe it's not for me. Was listening to a program recently in which a financially strapped man went in to East Harlem to buy a murder, for himself. It was his last ditch effort to provide his family with stability. The insurance wouldn't pay as much for a suicide, so he had to make it look like a murder, but he loved his family THAT much. Incredible. Your Mom & Dad seem to make it work with what they have, it's never really easy though, is it?

To me true love is......

Knowing I want to be with him at all times even during the rough times, even at times I might be pissed off at him and want to smack him upside the head (or him pissed at me), it's knowing we can get into a heated argument but it won't change our feelings for each other and we would never belittle the other, not even in our minds.

It's knowing we can talk to each other about everything and be completely honest with each other. It's knowing whatever turmoil, hardship, problems he might be facing, I'll be there with him through it all and the same goes for him with me.

Even when we're not together and there's 500+ miles separating us, the miles between us and the times apart are not going to cause any damage to our relationship or our feelings for each other. The bond, the closeness and the complete mutual trust is always there, it's never doubted, never questioned.

It's loving and accepting each other for who we are, as we are and not wanting to or trying to change the other.

Great post, Sparkles! Tough one to follow up on, but I'll give it a try :)

To me, love is equal parts hard work and forgiveness. There are times when you're not going to have the energy to treat your love the way he deserves, or you have other things on your plate, or you don't quite feel like he deserves it. That's when it's hard to show your partner your love. And you have to remember, he's flesh and blood, too. He goes through the same sort of things. There will be times when you feel like he's ignoring you, or when he acts like a jerk, and you question his love, but true love means giving him the benefit of the doubt, and knowing how to forgive.

Thanks guys..I do believe that we are all capable of finding and having true love. I know this and I have seen it first hand!!

i dont' think "love" equates with sleeping together.

to me, it's more of a bond of a support system. surely after so many years together, a couple finds what works best for them.
if that means sleeping separately, then so be it.
i think when i'm 80, i'm more concerned about a good nights sleep.

i guess really i must admit i have not experienced what some people profess as "true love"
of course, maybe it's different for everyone.

Self-sacrifice. Two people laying down their selfish desires to each other, to create something greater than the two of them.

And warmth. And genuine affection. And adoration.

I think we could also learn so much from our furry friends..that is true love in a very rare form.
They are loyal to us..all the way to the end! If we forget to feed them..they forgive us! If we don't walk, play, or pet them..they lay by us waiting patiently! They walk proud..watching for anyone who could harm us! They give us kisses when we least expect it..and know when we are hurting! They curl up next to us to offer a warm body as comfort..but the best thing is when we return they are so happy to see us. We could have just went to the mail box..they watch and wait..but get so enthusiastic about our return! They make you feel welcome..and that your home!!!

I always see it in pets, that unconditional love. We have a Golden & a few years back I gave up everything that was important to me & there were times (a lot) lol, that I just put my head in my lap & just cried & I would always try to be really quiet but it never failed that our dog would come in from clear across the other end of the house & really really slowly just walk in & put his face in my lap. Amazing. Why would he even want to be around someone like that ? What does he know about crying? & I was being super quiet but he would always come, just amazing, always made me stop right then & there.

Montana, my dog is the same way; he would sort of sneak over to me and put his paws and head on my lap and just stay still, even though I don't think it was comfortable for him. And when I was pregnant and resting on my side on the couch, he would put his feet up and then bury is nose under my belly!

That said, while it's lovely that dogs can love us blindly in spite of our negligence (when that happens), I don't think humans should accept this as healthy love between a couple. If your partner ignores you and forgets about you, you should not sit around waiting and then jump up to smother him/her in kisses just because s/he walked in the door. There has to be some equality to the expressions of love.

you have me laughing on both of those. Your dog is a sweetie.

I used to kinda be a dog like that, lol, in my marriage...for better or worse you know the deal & not about everything but yea, that shit doesn't do anyone any good.