I've been a widower for over 2 years now.  I don't have much luck in the dating world, and never have.  I met my wife through a personal ad, but I misspelled the addressee (I typed underscore instead of a hyphen), and she wrote back.  She stated that she had no personal ad, but that she was looking to get laid and nothing more.  I agreed with that proposal since it had been a year since I had had any kind of sexual attention/affection.  I couldn't get to her right away, so we just kept talking, and after a month and a half, we were in love.  When we finally met in person, she asked me if I wanted to get a matching tattoo with her, and I asked her to marry me.  I knew before I met her that she was Bi, but I hadn't really put too much thought into it.

After she graduated from college, we moved in together, and I found out she wanted to swing.  I was intrigued and uncomfortablee in equal measure, but I went along with it.  In keeping with my dating life, I never learned how to tell when it's appropriate to talk about sex with a woman.  I want to be sexual,  and I want to be seen as sexual by other women.  I have so much sexual experience, but none when it comes to talking to a woman I just met about it.  I have no idea how to get a woman I'm talking to to see me as a sexual person without being a total sleaze ball, and consequently, I say nothing and get friendzoned.  Do women just expect men to be over the top sexual in conversation?  Am I holding myself to a way higher standard than I should?  I'm fucking amazing in bed (I've been told many times), treat my woman well, and was a fantastic husband, but I can't get anything new instigated.  I'm so frustrated with myself.  I have to resolve this mess, because I can't live another 30-40 years without sex, or semi-annual sex. 

Since I lost my wife, I've had sex twice (once at 6 months, and the other at 1 year).  Both women were thirsty enough to lead the conversation in a sexual direction, so I knew what was going on.  Both women were working towards a relationship with me, but non sexual issues got in the way.  Most women won't help the guy out like that, or maybe they just won't help this guy.  I need to stop blabbering like a fool, and get into the meat of a conversation.  I need to be able to arouse interest without arousing didain. 

I need to be able to communicate my desire without being disgusting.  I have no trouble talking to women, and I am very likable and funny...I should have no problem with this, but I'm at a loss.  I really can't see how I can get into a relationship without this skill.  Something as wonderful as my wife doesn't seem likely to come around again.Can somebody help me out?