It's true. We all need to find some alone time and play and meet our needs

Thoughts count. What is happening between my ears has a big effect on what is happening between my legs. Relaxation and preparation are so important. I think of things like sexy messages I have received. I enjoy recalling and writing down past experiences. Clothing would be a turnoff for me. I always masturbate in the nude, although I often get erections when fully clothed. Scents of knickers are an important stimulant for me.

As well as thoughts, scents and visual stimulation, I find that I can help to get an erection by gentle manipulation and pressing around the base of my penis to try to reduce the blood flow out and so make it gorged with blood and so make it hard. I find that keeping my foreskin back is very stimulating too.

I have to admit ,I was one of those who continue to whine and feel miserable....coming here and thinking ...yeah, maybe I will feel good too IF I ever have healthy sex. (I was brought up to be shamed and guilted and for a very long time that "worked". It stopped me dead in my tracks.)
Masturbation was taboo as well.
Is just recently when I am finally getting past all the negative messages and hang ups..

Barry's comment of what happens between the ears affecting what happens between the legs...I am finding that very true. The more I do, the better things do become.

Originally, I posted this thinking more of things to help us create and increase a positive image of ourselves, but you two bring up points that do ultimately get us to the original goal of this group...and that is healthy sex.. (Something, until recently, I never thought we could have on our own...though I will admit, I would still prefer with an eager willing participant. )

So thank you guys for your responses. :)

I think everyone is, for lack of a better word, crazy. Because we fall victim to our compulsive mind. Unproductive thoughts that keep us from living here in the present moment. I know that the only way for me to be a positive, healthy person is to become grounded and present. (same thing). When my eyes are clear and full of light I know I am being my true self. When they get dim I am being pulled back into that trance state where life is more shadows than the real thing. With practice I am getting better at staying in the present. This is when I have grace to offer. And a calm, sane presence. These precious moments have the potential for the joy of sharing true intimacy with my partner. I ‘m not talking about sex yet but a full awareness of her and of myself where we aren’t distracted by the past or future. Here is where we can breathe and feel real and safe with ourselves. The Tao masters say that when we try to talk about these things that we immediately miss the mark because words can only bring us so far. We have to feel and know in our hearts what we need to do to be our true selves. That’s the jumping off point towards a good life and the emotional health necessary for a loving relationship that isn’t based on neediness but equal sharing. I don’t know if I communicated what I was trying for. It’s hard to sum up what I have been studying and meditating on for some time. As I help myself grow so do those around me. Then we can connect on a truly personal level. Did anyone get that? Lol

I think I've got you. I admit I have a rough time with this one. I have wasted much time on the past (trying to learn and "fix" things) And I tend to wonder and worry and contemplate the future. My present is hard to grasp and enjoy sometimes

The thing is: as much energy as we put into trying to heal past or anxiety about the future, what can we REALLY do. Nada. All the living that’s available to us is right now. Not when our life is as we want it. Not when we were feeling broken in the past. Now. Any real healing and growing is a cumulative effect of how we choose to exist in each moment. I know it’s hard to change the mindset. I started practicing while brushing my teeth. Twice a day I clear my mind and just brush. That’s all. You will be amazed at the million thoughts that try to pop up. Step back from them and just be a watcher of them. This is meditation. And we can learn everything we need about ourselves through it.

Still working on this one. Ok to pray or meditate, but cannot contemplate how to start over with out planning and trying to organize.? HELP???
(Of course this is probably part of the reason I have yet to move forward.) Need to do like NIKE...just do it!

Yup. Just do it. It’s fine to make a plan, especially in the morning but then flow into the day without constantly beating that plan to death. Because you already know what to do. So do it with a smile. I struggle with organizing too. Mostly resisting starting. Once I have overcome the inertia it flows pretty well. Actually feels good so that I wonder why it was so hard (or I imagined it would be so hard because I was thinking compulsively)
That’s the trap. Making life harder than it actually is. There are close to a billion people on the planet that spend hours a day just to get enough water. Turn on the tap and do the dishes and give thanks. Maybe that’s the point I was trying to make. Life is as good as we perceive it to be. So when we create positive energy it spreads to every aspect. This is about changing our very idea of what we are. It’s not for the faint of heart. And it doesn’t happen overnight. Or a hundred. But after four hundred I see real results. I’m just learning so I’m not a good guide.