Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
ok i don't really know to start... but i shall take a stab and see how it goes.
My girlfriend thinks that sex should be spontaneous... she will not palan a time for sex, or if she says that she wants to have sex with me the next day... when the next day comes she is turned off by the very fact that we have "planned" it.
And it goes deeper than i thought.
Ok, soa week ago (this past thursday) my g/f and i were fooling around, and i was trying to do the whole talk dirty thing for her(and evidently i did real well), but i told her of how that weekend, the different ways that i was going to pleasure her... and also that i wasn't going to pleasure myself(masterbate) at all in anticipation of things to come... ok,,, so we ended up messing around friday too, and the drive home bth nights was painful (blue balls), but i was eagerly awaiting for Sunday to come around...
Ok, Sunday comes around... and when she gets to my place... I go in to simply kiss her, and she was not into it, at all. well... something was up, i could tell right then... so i decide to drop it, and go through the rest of the date... but of course since i hadn't masterbated at all, and we had fooled around, as well as the"promise of things to come"... i was randy as a jack rabbit, htough i suppressed myself as much as possible.
)Ok, so that evening comes around, we settle in for our movie... and we usually at least cuddle... but when i go to sit on the couch, she sits in the chair. Ok, this has never happened before, so i stopped the movie and ask her what's up
And she tells me of her aversion to "planning sex" as well as the fact that she had gotten so worried that she wouldn't "be good" that she had turned herself completely off.
I could have reacted better, but for some reason i took it as she was not attracted to me... but also extreme sexual frustration... so i pick up a magazine and start heading to hte bathroom because i wanted to be able to talk to her in a more stable frame of mind where i wasn't looking to get a piece. And as i was heading out the door she started railing on herself about how ridiculous she was being... and i step outside the room, look at the magazine, look back at my door, and i knew i wouldn't be able to do anything because now my head was nerf'ed
And well... yeah...
The next morning, (because she slept over), after not touching all night(which is highly unusual), she suggests that we might want ot take a break from sex so that she can work on "her issues"
And i agreed that if she wanted a break from sex, then that is all fiune and dandy, because i love her, and the physical aspect while very nice, is not a necessity for me
Well, by the time that it came time for her to go that night, we were cuddling a bit here and there and holding hands again... but whenever even a hint of anything sexual, even light flirting came around, she would distance herself again.
Now, the sexual thing... she is blaming society for putting different standards in boys and girls, but what is going on here? i am confused as hell here... and the lack of touching(even in non-sexual manner) is hurting me.
My girlfriend thinks that sex should be spontaneous... she will not palan a time for sex, or if she says that she wants to have sex with me the next day... when the next day comes she is turned off by the very fact that we have "planned" it.
And it goes deeper than i thought.
Ok, soa week ago (this past thursday) my g/f and i were fooling around, and i was trying to do the whole talk dirty thing for her(and evidently i did real well), but i told her of how that weekend, the different ways that i was going to pleasure her... and also that i wasn't going to pleasure myself(masterbate) at all in anticipation of things to come... ok,,, so we ended up messing around friday too, and the drive home bth nights was painful (blue balls), but i was eagerly awaiting for Sunday to come around...
Ok, Sunday comes around... and when she gets to my place... I go in to simply kiss her, and she was not into it, at all. well... something was up, i could tell right then... so i decide to drop it, and go through the rest of the date... but of course since i hadn't masterbated at all, and we had fooled around, as well as the"promise of things to come"... i was randy as a jack rabbit, htough i suppressed myself as much as possible.
)Ok, so that evening comes around, we settle in for our movie... and we usually at least cuddle... but when i go to sit on the couch, she sits in the chair. Ok, this has never happened before, so i stopped the movie and ask her what's up
And she tells me of her aversion to "planning sex" as well as the fact that she had gotten so worried that she wouldn't "be good" that she had turned herself completely off.
I could have reacted better, but for some reason i took it as she was not attracted to me... but also extreme sexual frustration... so i pick up a magazine and start heading to hte bathroom because i wanted to be able to talk to her in a more stable frame of mind where i wasn't looking to get a piece. And as i was heading out the door she started railing on herself about how ridiculous she was being... and i step outside the room, look at the magazine, look back at my door, and i knew i wouldn't be able to do anything because now my head was nerf'ed
And well... yeah...
The next morning, (because she slept over), after not touching all night(which is highly unusual), she suggests that we might want ot take a break from sex so that she can work on "her issues"
And i agreed that if she wanted a break from sex, then that is all fiune and dandy, because i love her, and the physical aspect while very nice, is not a necessity for me
Well, by the time that it came time for her to go that night, we were cuddling a bit here and there and holding hands again... but whenever even a hint of anything sexual, even light flirting came around, she would distance herself again.
Now, the sexual thing... she is blaming society for putting different standards in boys and girls, but what is going on here? i am confused as hell here... and the lack of touching(even in non-sexual manner) is hurting me.
I have lived with "planned sex" for my entire marriage, and I have to be real honest, it isn't that great! Not that the sex is bad, just the planning part. Sometimes it is necessary, and I can understand that, but there really should be some spontaneous sex thrown in as well. Having 3 kids running through the house tends to ruin most spontaneous events, but it would be nice to have it now and then. I can't even be spontaneous any more, even when we are alone. She has to have it all planned out, and even then it changes somewhat. That is very frustrating to me, and I'm willing to bet that she is feeling the same way. It could be that by planning things, she gets the feeling that you are "expecting it" and she has to "perform". That could be what bothers her so much. It sounds like she wants to be "in control" of things sometimes, and I think you should let her.
(Ladies, am I wrong about this?)
Give her some space, and let her call the shots some. I'm willing to bet that she will liven up if you do.
I think your GF has major issues, and probably needs counseling. Do you know if she was ever sexually abused? I know that causes alot of women to develop weird problems, or have some time of sex hangup.