For me within a relationship, love and lust go hand in hand, they belong together. I wouldn't have a desire to be sexual with my partner if I didn't have lust for him or him for me. For us, masturbation is about self-gratification, when we have sex no matter what type of sex we're having, it's about both of us wanting to pleasure and satisfy each other.

As you can see in the Making love or fucking thread, although I don't like or use the term "making love", if I had to say what is making love to me, it would not be the slow, vanilla, 'lovey-dovey' kind of sex, it would be our kinks. Vanilla sex I can have with anyone, I don't need a bond with them, I don't need to love the person, I don't need an emotional connection or have a high level of trust. Where with bdsm, I need to have a close solid healthy bond with that person, I need to love the person, have a deep emotional connection and have the ultimate level of trust in him. Bdsm is physical but it's so much more about the emotional, the combination of both physical and emotional.

But when I'm in a relationship, no matter what kind of sex we're having, it's all "making love" because we do love each other, we do have the bond, the emotional attachment and that isn't taken away with different kinds of sex.

Outside of a relationship, not having an emotional attachment to the person, not having love for the person, that's fucking.

I believe i have a little of both during all of those special times and rough naughty times.