A better question for you guys and gals is: Should one try to "get in, get off" right away, then worry about the more emotional aspects of a "relationship", or should one try to build a friendship first, only to have a woman wondering if a guy is EVER going to make a move sexually?

...there's a fine line there Kool..but in my experience, I found that sex is just as important as the building of a relationship. I dont need months of dating to enjoy sex or to build up a relationship only to find that the sex sucks and is probably a deal breaker for me. I've been down the "lets build a relationship, then have sex" road before only to find out that indeed the sexual end of the relationship is going to go no where and the termination of that relationship will be eminent......Go bold, it's def worth trying....

I agree with ego. sex *is* part of the relationship for most people and it should be treated like any other aspect in relationship building. I'd rather find out sooner rather than later if I'm not sexually compatible with someone.

Rejection in previous relationships certainly does make it more difficult to know when to start dipping your toe into any of the aspects of building a relationship with someone new. I'm sure there is a good self-help book out there somewhere, but I don't know one off the top of my head.

the King says:

I don't think you can have true love without sex (or making love), for a healthy relationship intimacy has to be a part of it, sex, to a certain extent, validates the love, and keeps the burger all warm inside...

Obviously you can have sex without love...I got coupons for that...

call me :)

...months??...pardon my french & coming from the hood, my boys would never last monthSSSS.....maybe a month but if you like him you better get game on...LOL...but.for real tho...all that expediture and not knowing sexually about your partner....WOW...big risk for all parties.........JMO...

In the last 35 years, basically since I was divorced, in every aspect of a relationship, I try to be as honest as I can be. If a woman tells me she wants to be a friend first, my response is that I have all the female friends I need-- which is true--, that I am willing to give her some time, but I am not looking for just a friend and I am going to want the relationship to be come romantic and sexual fairly quickly. f she is not willing to go along with that, then I look elsewhere.

I also point out that being a friend and being a friend with benefits are not mutually exclusive.

There has been one exception in the last ten years. O have waited longer than I should have. In that case, the woman was very very attractive, she teased me a lot by promising romance "before long" but basically teasing me. I sort of wasted a year. However, since I also had not promised monogamy -- neitherdid she -- the time was not totally wasted, if you know what I mean.

I later found she had been badly hurt by men as a child and hted men.

When surveyed most women claim they wait till a half dozen dates or so to have sex. My experience is 90% are quite willing to have sex on the second or third date.

You are asking if one should "get in - get off" right away then worry later about the more "emotional aspects" of a relationship?
Umm just that sentence right there tells me that you have close to zero interest in developing a "relationship" with anyone. Sounds like you are looking to "get off" without putting any time or "investment" in a person. Thats what it takes to get to know someone for a "relationship" like you desire ( IMO) and chances are if you become friends or at least know someone better than just getting in there and getting off ... you ll have a better chance with a better quality person. If its just fucking around then fine fuck around but building a relationship takes work. Yeah you just may have to be friends with a woman and get to know her first - isnt that the fun of dating? You arent tied down at that point or belong to anyone for that matter. As much as you may hope ...the woman of your dreams is not going to knock on your door....throw you down, you get off and then she magically becomes that "special ONE." How would you even know if you are compatible in anyway with someone if you dont know how to be "friends" with a lady or even have any of the same interests for starters?
What would it hurt to get to know someone first... before the sex. Yes it may take time and effort and money. Thats dating... you look like someone who shouldnt have any difficulty in finding people to date.
Usually the woman isnt worrying too much about whether or not a guy is EVER going to make a move sexually... not something to worry too much about- at least from the ladies I know. I think thats what a guy thinks/hopes...and he just HAS to make sure, she doesnt needlessly worry too long about that. LOL Dont worry, we know you 'll get there.

OOPS... forgot to add... (OTGO) ~Only this gals opinion

Thanks, guys and gals. Extremely encouraging!

lladyfairhair: You couldn't be further from the truth. Perhaps my choice of words there was bad, but I'm not the "hit it and quit it" kind of guy. I want to "hit it"...and "hit it again", and again and so on! I really want it to last! And I want that warmth as well. That was the point of my post..combining warmth and kinkiness. Perhaps one comes from the heart and the other from the mind and bod. I want to be comfortable before I let the freak out, but not TOO comfortable to the point where boredom sets in. Therefore, I guess a certain amount of anxiety kinda goes with the territory, eh?

Managing fear? Translates to excitement?

Keeping a certain craziness in the mind at all times? Trying not to withdraw into one's self and sink into a rut of boredom? Consistently externalize everything into the one one likes?

God, I shoulda got this cute little Cuban's phone # over the weekend. We were working together, but she definitely seemed interesting and interested...the craziness in the eyes was definitely there for both of us...

Koolman... I think Im actually not sure about what you are asking so I apologize if I misunderstood.
I would have to agree with you on the bad choice of words... "get in and get off" I thought your penis was asking and not your brain on that one. LOL Sorry.