Healthy Sex Support Group

This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.

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Cant be bothered with Sex - but fancy it!

ruthgrps
ruthgrps

 I've been married 28 years, my husband had an affair about 5 years ago, I forgave him, and no longer do we sleep in the same bed.  I have a disabled daughter that needs help at night.  There are times when we could have sex, when she is in her day care centre, but, although I may fancy it (we previously had a good sex life) I just cant be bothered witht he whole thing.  I dont like multiple orgasms, and I am not imaganative in bed either, I couldnt think of my self talking about such things to him, how do I get out of this hole.  He did tell me that the viagra the doctor gave him made him feel ill, so I said dont take it then, that was during his a affair.  I think his affair put me off just a bit. We live together in a sexless marriage.  When I suggest it he says he doesnt feel like it, or his willie isnt working anymore.  Not sure what to make of it.  It worked for his girlfriend!  The affair lasted 3 years in all.  Before she phoned me and told me all about it.  At the time my mother had cancer, from which she died, and dad had lots of cardiac issues from which he has died. I didnt think I could cope with a divorce at the same time.  Now if I divorce, I would be on my own with my daughter, no siblings, no family that are interested either.

OIP78
OIP78
I don’t know if my advice is wise but I am thinking why you don’t find someone to fulfill your desires. Either way your husband is doing. Seems like you need him so instead of divorcing him and adding problems in your self and daily life just find someone for your self. You don’t need to tell him. Is just a thought. Hugs
koolman
koolman
Maybe do some phone or cyber sex, pleasuring yourself with toys. Sometimes another's flesh is not even necessary, just another's powerful kinky mind and sexually explicit vocabulary, ability to talk dirty is all that is needed.
Blueangel78
Blueangel78
Wjy not talk to him and maybe agree on an open marriage in stead if lieing to him and doing what he did to you. Two wrongs dont make a right. If you both want to stay together but are ok being with other people sexually then go for it but either way be up front and honest with him.
Escape
Escape
Serious question, why do men always suggest a "side piece" to women who are morally above that?? I cant recall how many times ive defended myself for rather living in a sexless/no-sex marriage than to get caught "cheating", having my kids find out and hate me for it! Personally ive reached the point in my life where id rather be alone than stay with a man who has proven over and over again that he prefers his hand and phone to a real life willy partner such as me.

My family may all still be alive, but believe me. There isnt a single one in the lot that i will be able to turn to when i DO walk away from my 20 yr marriage. They all adore my husband and either have no clue what he has put me through these last 20 yrs or dismiss it as "all men do it"
It has taken strangers online to make me realize thus isnt normal. This isnt something all married men do. This is cheating and i dont have to accept it or live with it.
I will be alone. I wont have anyone to turn to. I wont have support from any real life friends or family. But ill have something much more important! My self respect for taking a stand, walking away and perceeding into the unknown for hopes of a better future.
@ruth. Your life isnt over until youre dead and burried. 28 years is a long time to suffer. Stop tourturing yourself and dont let the unknown stop you from finding happiness. HUGS.