I don't see why not. If you have the resolve I think anything is possible.

Yes it can be changed , but it takes two people with patience and trust to change it. It takes a long time to undo the damage of a unhealthy relationship. It also takes a lot of understanding and love.

I am there as well. Sex is not the best and for awhile I lost interest. I do think it can be changed as lostsoul72 said but its a 2 way street. 2 people need to be on the same path and communicate.

I agree it takes two people to be on the same path but it seems that it's been one way for me. I've been doing all the giving.

Then stop settaling for guys that take advantage of you. People will treat you how you allow them too and if you dont have your needs met then dont meet thiers either . Im sorry you have to go through this. :(

I wish it was that simple!!!

it seems complicated, but it really isn't. i went through the same thing a few years ago, where i would get into relationships with people who just weren't right for me, both sexually and emotionally. it's a realization that you have to come to where you tell yourself "I would rather be single and take care of myself, than to be in a relationship where i have to take care of someone else all the time".

My advice? Start meeting people as friends. Build up that friendship with them. You'll discover a lot more about how people will treat you that way. And if a relationship sparks up from that, you will be better prepared for what they expect out of the relationship and they will be prepared for what you expect out of the relationship

The problem lies more with feeling rejected when always being the one to initiate. Sex and intimacy should be a shared bond and if that bond is broken by insecurities or personal doubt it will put a strain on the relationship.

I dont think and I may be wrong that she isnt talking about a new relationship but changing the mindset of her current one.

I am going through the same thing right now. I feel unless I initiate nothing will happen. I like to please...I like to make the person I am with feel that release but what I dont like is always being the one to get it started.

Intimacy and sex should not be a chore but a pleasure, a bond that 2 people share. After awhile your own mindset changes and you start to look at yourself as there is something wrong with you.

My advice, communication. If that has failed then trying to get to the root cause of the issue is very important. If you want to be taken care of speak up...tell your lover what you want. There is nothing wrong with being open about wanting to enjoy sex again.
It has taken me 10 years to finally feel comfortable without the butterflies to finally open up about what I want and even though the process is slow you will begin to heal your mind but just knowing you have spoken your true emotions can make a huge difference.

All very good advice! My issue is trust. I want to be able to trust again but don't know how!?

What keeps you from trusting the person? I know you said its very one sided but did something happen that doesn't allow you to trust?

There is more to this then just trust. If you are doing all the giving but having a problem trusting then why give in the first place?

I know if it was me and I didn't trust the person I would not be initiating anything.

Learning to trust especially during sex means finding that bond between you and the person. If the bond is broken then the sex is unhealthy and not enjoyable. If you are not attracted to the person and wanting sex for your own needs then there is no bond.

Are you someone who needs to have an emotional connection to have sex with someone? For me....its all about the moment and the connection between myself and the person. I refuse to just have sex with someone I don't know, dont trust or dont have a connection with.

If I am getting to personal in the forum you dont have to answer.

I think we have all been there before with having trust issues with the opposite sex. You just have to take things slow and have a lot of communication between you and your partner. If you are with someone who is caring and understanding then they should be able to see your issues and do everything in their power to help you work through them. It's easier said than done tho..lol...sending u lots of prayers and luck ;)

nottoughenough,

Define what you mean by "unhealthy sex" so I can understand what you mean.

Thanks.

Daisygirll,

Having sex with someone or doing things that you don't want to do. But not telling the other person "no" or how you feel about.

Did that just make any sense??

again, i think it comes down to trust, not sex. i feel (and this is purely my own thoughts) that any healthy relationship involves a little "outside the comfort zone" playing around, that's what a good relationship does. it pushes you to be just a tiny bit uncomfortable once in a while to make you grow as a person. like i said, i would start off just building up a friendship with someone. that will help the trust to come :)

nottoughenough,

Maybe try taking the time to get to know the person and take the sex out of the equation and take the time to really get to know someone and then maybe you will feel more comfortable with yourself and the other person. Maybe you need to build the trust in the relationship prior to the sex part. Just a suggestion. Not judging so I hope that it did not come across that way at all. Just trying to let you know if you take the time to really get to know the person and build the trust then the other person will respect you and your feelings and hopefully you will feel more comfortable saying no and not doing anything that you are not comfortable doing. Whether it is sex or anything else in life.

Let me know what you think.